Sole carer for my wife

[MrMoonlight]

My wife's condition started deteriorating about 6 years ago and has reached the stage now that I accepted the GP's advice and I arranged some respite care at a close local nursing home for a few hours 3 days a week. It can be stressful dropping her off at the home as she is totally fixated on me and does not like it if she is not in my immediate presence; she shadows me constantly. Having been able to see at first hand how her condition is affecting her own life and mine, both the home and GP's conclusion is that she and I would benefit from long-term residential care. Needless to say, local social services are not keen and want to proceed with home respite care which we know will not work but that is a problem for another day. In the meantime, I have a feeling that my wife has an inkling of what might be happening by her ramblings which add to my guilt feelings about proceeding with the next stage. Is "cold turkey" the only solution?

 

[SAP]

You have to remember that any decision you make is not about what you or your wife wants but about what is in her best interests. If having you in good health whilst being given 24/7 care and being kept safe is going to be the best for her then don’t let guilt guide you. What ever you do will come from a place of love and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry you are having to face this horrible journey with her.

 

[MrMoonlight]

You have to remember that any decision you make is not about what you or your wife wants but about what is in her best interests. If having you in good health whilst being given 24/7 care and being kept safe is going to be the best for her then don’t let guilt guide you. What ever you do will come from a place of love and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry you are having to face this horrible journey with her.

Thank you for your response. It is difficult to convince yourself that a care home is in the best interest of the patient and that you are not just thinking of the improvement in your own quality of life. As one of the Alzheimer's navigators said to me, what would happen if something happened to me - there would be no one to care for her.

 

[Kevinl]

That happened to me, I became ill, hospitalised and she passed away while I was in a coma.
It all got taken care of, social services when they kick in can be pretty good (UK England) at least in my experience.
She had to go into care was sectioned so it was pretty much all free too.
My wife got early onset AZ and I had my mum come live with me too, diagnosed as an MCI.
My wife was my shadow too but I'd do it all again, tomorrow, in a heartbeat if I could.
Try getting respite care in a care home then after you've experienced rattling round an empty house on your own, then decide.
Caring is hard but being alone can be too. K