So, what’s my Pauline been up to today?
- Thread starter Agzy
- Start date
I needed a day like this and although tired we are both still buzzing and chatting about it although she can’t think what to do with the Easter eggs we got and neither do I as we have already handed quite a few out 😃
This morning and I suspect because of a combination of clocks changed and coming down from the hig of yesterday Pauline awoke confused and in a foul temper. As most will know when this happens we just go with il and roll the punches so yes, by mid morning all back to what passes as normal. No visitors expected but my kid brother turned up and gave us some laughs and then a FaceTime call from her sister who lives down south. These call are always difficult as Pauline isn’t even comfortable with the telephone now and her sister is very hard of hearing so it invariably ends up with me and her brother -in-law chatting as Pauline looses interest. Other than that it has been TV and Judge John Deed has returned yet again 😂
Cards we made each other at one of our groups. Pauline made the one on the right almost without help and it is amazing how she has taken to simple Crafting ❤️
On Friday our ‘corner’ shop, the Aldi, closed for extension and refurbishment work and so a large wire fence has been put up with placards saying store closed and one of them is opposite our window. Although having to go elsewhere for shopping and of course is a nuisance and I miss just nipping over for one or two items it is not that which is causing pressure! No, it is the d**n sign because every time it catches her eye the questions start, “is Aldi shut? How long is it shut for? Why is it shut? It must be open there are cars (and vans) in the car park?” And etc and repeated of course. Thankfully it is ‘only’ for 14 weeks - 3 months!!! 😫
BOOM!! The nice time bubble has well and truly burst in just seconds. As Pauline watched Foyles war on Tv and I was catching up on last nights snooker on my ipad all was peaceful then she asked me something and so I turned off the portable hearing aids loop I have for my ipad and saw her face - trouble. Then she started on about ‘that’ place and I never listen to her or what she wants and she is not going, she hates it, they do nothing and tell lies. Quite literally a tirade and all about Thursday DayCare. I just cannot believe how it has all changed and she has stormed off upstairs and I am dreading her coming down. I just don’t know what to do, Am I being cruel? It feels like it and all just for three and a half hours apart.
Is the daycare centre Pauline goes to a lively place? My OH has started daycare . He's been three times . Each time I drop off it is very quiet. Staff are friendly and chatty but the other visitors are sitting quietly with a cup of tea. When I go back my OH is sitting in the same chair and again it's Very quiet. Last time there was a man pacing ,one asleep and the the other half dozen were watching a very old coronation street episode!
I'm not sure what else they had done apart from lunch but OH seemed happy enough and to be honest would have either slept or shadowed me for the day if he'd been at home. There was craft things on the table but OH wouldn't be able to do anything without some help.
This respite is for me as much as anything so if he doesn't mind, seems not to,then he's going.
We do lots together but it's time consuming and doesn't give me a break.
Is there another day care locally you could try that is more active?
I'm not sure what else they had done apart from lunch but OH seemed happy enough and to be honest would have either slept or shadowed me for the day if he'd been at home. There was craft things on the table but OH wouldn't be able to do anything without some help.
This respite is for me as much as anything so if he doesn't mind, seems not to,then he's going.
We do lots together but it's time consuming and doesn't give me a break.
Is there another day care locally you could try that is more active?
you are notbeing selfish. you need that time. i have 2 1/2 hours twice a week. this week it will be 1 as bank holiday. when its raining, i feel guilty but im doing it for him as i have energy to do things when he comes back. also, i have a morning off housework, beneficial for my back.
you are getting the guilt trip by pauline as she does things while she is there but she wont admit that to you.
you are getting the guilt trip by pauline as she does things while she is there but she wont admit that to you.
Exactly like myself @maggie6445 , a couple of hours knowing she is safe and well looked after and will not make demands on me or my time. When I take her and ring the entrance bell the door is opened and she is ushered inside in a very friendly manner and I just turn and leave. I do see other carers when collecting her but like me they are all otherwise engaged so I don’t really get chance to talk to them.
I know she is guilt tripping but she is genuinely upset and the guilt comes in waves and I know it will be relentless for the next 3/4 days hence the “is it worth it,” question, thank you
Agzy, you have said that you may have to go into hospital and Pauline will have to be looked after by other people while that happens. I’m not sure that permanently kowtowing to her moods will make that situation easier for either of you. She will have to accept that you cannot be with her permanently and sometimes she will have to do what she doesn’t want to do. I appreciate that it is making life harder for you immediately but you need, and have a right, to a break from caring, even if it is just a few hours once a week. You know from the staff at the day care that Pauline accepts her time there but just throws a hissy fit when at home with you. Have you tried doing the same to her rather than being compliant to all her wants and needs?
I sometimes think our loved ones need bringing up short when pushing us too much. I would walk out on The Banjoman if he was rude or (rarely) swore at me when he was frustrated about something. I would also upbraid him if I heard him being rude to the Care home staff. It usually worked and an apology was forthcoming.
I sometimes think our loved ones need bringing up short when pushing us too much. I would walk out on The Banjoman if he was rude or (rarely) swore at me when he was frustrated about something. I would also upbraid him if I heard him being rude to the Care home staff. It usually worked and an apology was forthcoming.
