Second time lucky!!!

[anaworm]

We live in France and put Mum in a home here last October - 12 days later we had to take her back out for a number of reasons. So, tomorrow we fly back to the UK and put her into a UK home - we are selling her it as a 'hotel with help'.
Wish us luck - I am keeping everything crossed that she settles quickly and enjoys the company and advantages the home has to offer.

 

[Unknowndaughter01]

Good luck

 

[Kevinl]

Good luck from me too, I hope it all goes well for you all on the day and indeed the future. K

 

[Sarasa]

Hope it goes well @anawaorm. Have you told the home what you are calling it? My mum's care home all took off their badges and cracked open the prosecco to get her to accept it was a 'hotel with help'.

 

[anaworm]

Good luck

Thank you

 

[anaworm]

Hope it goes well @anawaorm. Have you told the home what you are calling it? My mum's care home all took off their badges and cracked open the prosecco to get her to accept it was a 'hotel with help'.

What a great reception for her..... we did tell them and our landing wasn't great - definitely not as good as yours!!! But onwards and upwards

 

[anaworm]

Good luck from me too, I hope it all goes well for you all on the day and indeed the future. K

Thank you

 

[Grannie G]

I hope all goes well @anaworm

 

[anaworm]

So, we are now nearly a month into my Mum being in a UK care home and we came back to France almost immediately so I have not seen her other than by video conference. She has not settled at all - is refusing most food and drinking little. She is being aggressive towards care staff and refusing personal care. I have now just received an email from the home saying they are looking for support from the OPMH (? older persons mental health services) but that if she does not settle they will help me look for an alternative placement. This has completely knocked me sideways. We are in France running a small seasonal business, my sister lives in Greece. We thought we had found a good home and I simply cannot face the trauma of finding her somewhere else for her not to settle there either ...... at wits end with it all. Anyone had similar experience with settling a loved one into a new environment? All help or advice gratefully received

 

[Collywobbles]

Those seem standard behaviours for someone with dementia, and sometimes it can take months for a new resident to settle in. I’m surprised the home is thinking this way so soon.

I’d wait for the OPMH to have some involvement and see what they come back with. They might actually bring some common sense to bear on the situation.

In your situation, I’d be inclined to tell them right now that you and your sister can’t be of any further help, as you both live and work overseas and can’t get back to the UK until (as an example) September. It might give the home a clue that leaving your Mum to settle a bit longer, will be less of a problem than them trying to move her without support from the family.

 

[Grannie G]

The current home will help you look @anaworm so don’t panic yet. The mental health team are very good.

Your mum might be better in a unit which employs more staff.

It is a big worry for you but you are not solely responsible for your mothers care

 

[anaworm]

Those seem standard behaviours for someone with dementia, and sometimes it can take months for a new resident to settle in. I’m surprised the home is thinking this way so soon.

I’d wait for the OPMH to have some involvement and see what they come back with. They might actually bring some common sense to bear on the situation.

In your situation, I’d be inclined to tell them right now that you and your sister can’t be of any further help, as you both live and work overseas and can’t get back to the UK until (as an example) September. It might give the home a clue that leaving your Mum to settle a bit longer, will be less of a problem than them trying to move her without support from the family.

We too are surprised and have read lots of stories on here about settling loved ones and it is seldom straight away! She has been on a temporary respite package and we were are just due to complete the paperwork to make her a permanent resident. I will speak to them tomorrow and see what they have to say but hopefully we can work something out. Plan to go over anyway next week so will do that and see the situation. Thank you for your reply - I think you are right about OPMH ..... and I guess they can't throw her out on the street (can they!!?) .

 

[canary]

What sort of care home is she in? They are not all the same. Lots of care homes can only deal with the early, easy stages of dementia and cannot cope with the more advanced behaviours like resiting personal care, being up during the night or aggression, even though they are pretty standard in dementia. I would guess that your mums dementia is more advanced than you realised.

See how she gets on with the OPMH. I'm impressed that the home has said that they will assist with finding another home (if necessary) as many places will simply give 28 days notice and leave the rest to you.

 

[anaworm]

What sort of care home is she in? They are not all the same. Lots of care homes can only deal with the early, easy stages of dementia and cannot cope with the more advanced behaviours like resiting personal care, being up during the night or aggression, even though they are pretty standard in dementia. I would guess that your mums dementia is more advanced than you realised.

See how she gets on with the OPMH. I'm impressed that the home has said that they will assist with finding another home (if necessary) as many places will simply give 28 days notice and leave the rest to you.

We purposely picked a home that was both care and nursing which we thought would see us through if things changed, hence why we are surprised this has been raised so early in the venture. Is it common place for people to be asked to move? Is that more when they are in care homes and then need more intensive nursing support? Thank you for your reply

 

[canary]

It's more a question of whether they specialise in dementia or not. Many nursing homes do not specialise in dementia and can't cope with the behaviours. The home mum was in was a Dedicated Dementia Home (these sort of homes are often called EMI homes). It was a care home and not a nursing home, but they could deal with challenging behaviour and looked after mum right up to the end.