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Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,876
0
South West UK
Hello @Auldyin and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia here, and members really do want to help.

I am so sorry to read about your wife. You are right it is such a cruel disease. Heartbreaking for you. Please never apologise for having a rant on here. This forum is great for just doing just that. I think it can help to put down how you are feeling on here in writing, so no need to apologise at all.
I'm sure other members will be along shortly with any words about your last question. From my limited knowledge, dementia is a progressive disease, so now is the best your wife will be. Some medication can help slow some of the symptoms, but if the dementia is advanced, then likely not.
I do feel for you when you say you feel you have lost your soul mate. It is so cruel. Thinking of you and wishing you continued strength.
 

Crazy Mayor

New member
Apr 16, 2024
6
0
Hi everyone
my darling wife aged 65 has got dementia, she is in hospital just now and I really feel I have lost my soul mate, I cry when I think what might have been, I miss my wife who was the most amazing person I know, I have had her out overnight a few times and it is ok during the day but at night omg, sorry for the rant but I really just want her back but know that isnt going to happen, the cruellest disease ever I think . I hate it. sorry for ranting, can I also ask if anyone’s partner has seen an improvement even for a few months with the medication available now
Hi Auldyin,

So sorry to hear about your wife. My mum is a changed person since getting this heartbreaking disease. Mum has got slowly worse. The Elderly mental health team are paying her a visit tomorrow to see what meds they can probably help with her aggressive behaver and being agitated. Just hope they can do some form of relief and less stress for her.

Hope someone else can give you better advice. Don't ever think you are ranting about it! you need to off load. That is the point of these sites.
 

Chickpeas

New member
Nov 17, 2023
2
0
Hi,
I’m new to the group. I live in Western Australia but my Mum aged 83 is in the UK. Although she has not been officially diagnosed I’m pretty sure she has Dementia. Over the last 2 - 3 years I have noticed memory changes, unable to remember names of people, finding words and names of objects, she gets very anxious and easily overwhelmed. She is no longer able to use her mobile phone which is a shame as we used to video call. She has lost a lot of weight as she forgets to eat despite prompts.
My father passed away 6 months ago and my Mum is struggling, particularly with the loneliness. She has a carer in every day and has good friends/ neighbours but it’s not fair to rely on them all the time. My brother lives a 2 hour drive away and I do her shopping on line.

I am visiting soon and would love to bring her back with me for a holiday, looking at a few weeks minimum maybe up to 3 months.
I am so torn as I don’t want to disrupt her routine and I am also nervous about doing the journey as it’s not something you can change your mind about once you start! Flights would be one 7 hour and one 11 hour 😬
I suppose I’m looking for anyone with any experience of this and any advice.
My heart says “just do it” but my head says “No”
Sorry about the ramble mad thanks for reading
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,587
0
73
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Chickpeas.

I'm sorry to read about your mum's situation. It must be really hard for you being so far away from her. I'm gad you've found this forum as I know you'l find understanding and support here.

It's difficult regarding taking your mum to Australia. Some years ago a friend of mine did take her husband who had dementia to Australia to visit their son. She had to inform the airline that he had dementia and she was lucky enough to be able to travel business class. It was the last time she took him there as his dementia became too advanced. She was glad she took him but did say it was hard going.

I hope others on the forum have more personal experience to share.
 

Angeldust

Registered User
Apr 7, 2024
14
0
Hello everyone..it's been a few days since I have been here. I would just like to ask everyone here when you all found out that your dimentia special person was diagnosed with dimentia who advised you that it was dimentia? A normal gp? And the other question I have is did the person have many falls before the diagnosis?
 

Chickpeas

New member
Nov 17, 2023
2
0
Welcome to the forum @Chickpeas.

I'm sorry to read about your mum's situation. It must be really hard for you being so far away from her. I'm gad you've found this forum as I know you'l find understanding and support here.

It's difficult regarding taking your mum to Australia. Some years ago a friend of mine did take her husband who had dementia to Australia to visit their son. She had to inform the airline that he had dementia and she was lucky enough to be able to travel business class. It was the last time she took him there as his dementia became too advanced. She was glad she took him but did say it was hard going.

I hope others on the forum have more personal experience to share.
Thanks for your reply. There is a lot to consider and think about 😊
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,747
0
Kent
Hello everyone..it's been a few days since I have been here. I would just like to ask everyone here when you all found out that your dimentia special person was diagnosed with dimentia who advised you that it was dimentia? A normal gp? And the other question I have is did the person have many falls before the diagnosis?
Hi @Angeldust
Welcome to this forum. Lots of carers can give advice and answer queries; as well as lots of info on the Alz Soc website.
My experience - my Other Half (OH) was exhibiting problems - started with not being able to find the right word for something quick enough, forgetting things really quickly, losing interest in doing things she used to enjoy. Then it became more than "age related" forgetfulness, new people and new places confused her and made her stressed. In the case of my OH falling became an issue but later on, not right at the beginning. If she was on her own with other people it became a bit more obvious, as if I was there she'd want me to answer some things for her.
Result of these things - each one fairly small, but adding up together - meant that a nurse at our GP surgery who was treating her for a minor skin problem, and a urine test in case of infection, made a referral to the Memory Clinic. We then got a letter with an appointment. At the appointment, we had a chat with the specialist nurse, and then a test - that is some questions to answer, things to do (to test co-ordination and perception). As my OH didn't do too well, another appointment was arranged. At this appointment and a chat with specialist Dr he told us my OH had Alzheimer's, and gave a brief outline explanation of things to come. We then got a formal letter setting out the diagnosis (with copy sent to GP). We were then contacted by the Local Authority Adult Social Services, and a social worker (SW) came to our home to check out the position to see if we needed any special equipment to help OH get about, to see what care, if any, she needed - and in those early stages no extra help (other than me) was needed. This SW gave us a booklet (which our LA ASS update every year) about independent living, care services, care companies, and other organisations (mostly charities) that offer help and lots of names and contact details. WE had been advised by the Memory Clinic to apply for Attendance Allowance and Council Tax discount.
I trust that assists.
Best wishes.
In my case this was some years ago. Now there's quite a long waiting list to get a Memory Clinic appointment.
 

Yaya14

New member
Apr 28, 2024
1
0
Hi Auldyin,

I am sorry about your wife. This is so hard. To watch the one you love lose the abilities they once had is so challenging. I am new to this group. Looking for support and ideas of how to cope with it all. My husband was diagnosed Feb 2013 at the age of 57. He was immediately let go from his job managing a Wendy’s. I was in school at the time finishing my degree. We had three teenaged daughters still at home.

The disease is really progressing now. He is now 68 and in mid-late stages. He has both bowel and urinary incontinence now. I have some help but I work full-time. I’m doing my best to keep him at home. The hardest part is not knowing how long he will be in this stage. It’s difficult to take him places now or leave him for long periods of time.

Are you able to take care of your wife and/or have other caregivers help you?
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,570
0
Newcastle
Hi @Yaya14 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your husband but hope that by joining us you'll benefit from the support, understanding and good suggestions that you find here.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,014
0
Kent
Welcome from me too @Yaya14

It`s an even bigger struggle when the partner is working and children are still at home.

Get all the help you can access because no one will be able to put a time scale on your husband`s condition and it`s best to have contingency plans if you can.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,014
0
Kent
Welcome from me too @Val taylor

It`s tough being a lone carer. There will be good support here for you.

If you feel you can offload, this is a very safe place to do so. You can start your own Thread in the section I have a partner with dementia which is here.

 

Rickk

New member
May 1, 2024
1
0
Hi, I'm Rick. My wife and I are both 67. My wife has alzheimer's (diagnosed after testing spinal cord fluid). Her emotions and anger have increased dramatically recently and in my search for answers I found this group.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,876
0
South West UK
Hello Rick @Rickk and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us, in your search for some answers

I am sorry to read about your wife's diagnosis. It's tough for sure. I'm sure you will find lots of support and sound advice here on this forum. Members really do want to help, and you will certainly also find true understanding and empathy. It is such a cruel disease, and people on here have been affected by it in some way or other.
This is also a good place to vent or let off a bit of steam when you need to. Some people find it helpful to put on here how they are feeling and it helps them a bit.
 

Neutronflower

New member
May 4, 2024
1
0
Hi all - new person on here, currently struggling with a Mum who has undiagnosed dementia and will not go to the Doctors about it. I live about 20 minutes drive away and pop over a few times a week to get her shopping and check on paperwork. Issues are that she will not accept any other help at all, despite her mobility now being bad, and being vulnerable because of her memory issues.

Thankfully she can still look after herself, but since my father died a few years ago, her narcissism is out of control, and it is all about her and her issues, without any thought for family or friend's feelings. She is also living with breast cancer, and is on a cocktail of pills, which she forgets to take, and gets very annoyed about if you try to help her with them. Her surgery have now issued dosset boxes, and I just pop the next week's box in the kitchen for her to take when I am up there. Thankfully she isn't violent but she can be very snappy and hurtful to those trying to help her.

I think the worst thing for me is that I don't get a lot of help from family or friends, some firmly don't want to get involved, but are quite happy to visit and chat, which at least gives her some company (as I work full time). My brother is not good, (we don't talk very well as it is), and she has just one good friend left now who understands, but doesn't get too involved.

It has been very helpful to me to realise I am not alone, as it is hard to process your parent turning into a hateful, spiteful and contradictory person. My mum has always had traits of this in her (being a teenager around her was hell...) but we had repaired our relationship well until she started showing signs, now it is like being 13 again. It upsets me a lot, as it brings up things from my teenage years I thought I had resolved, but I also realise lots of people on here are living with a lot worse! I take my hat off to you all for your bravery and stoicism in the face of this awful disease.