Mum lives 2 hours away and a month ago was adamant that she wanted to stay there. Now she wants to move back near family, but it's difficult with the time scale. I've made a local social housing application and shes on some waiting lists. Now its a case of waiting for the place to meet her needs. Shes not retaining that and latched onto the 'I'm lonely' narrative. I'm reminding her all the time to go for a walk, get out to the shops, carers come too, phone a friend, etc... not sure what else I can do
Repeating that shes lonely
- Thread starter Paulineg72
- Start date
My husband used to say he was lonely @Paulineg72 , even though he was at home with me. That stopped when he went into residential care.
My mother lived alone and phoned morning, noon and night to tell me she was lonely/. Residential care solved the problem for her too, although she was at an earlier stage of dementia when I made that decision.
Most people with dementia who live alone find it almost impossible to occupy themselves which is one reason why they are so lonely and time drags.
My mother lived alone and phoned morning, noon and night to tell me she was lonely/. Residential care solved the problem for her too, although she was at an earlier stage of dementia when I made that decision.
Most people with dementia who live alone find it almost impossible to occupy themselves which is one reason why they are so lonely and time drags.
Hi all - I've just joined this forum as my mother has dementia and trying to get as much information as I can. I'm 33 years old and my mother was diagnosed about 5 years ago. She has had in-home carers for the last couple of years but it's now at the stage where we are looking at more permanent residential care. My mum often says how lonely she is and you mention above that this improved when you moved your loved ones into residential care. I was wondering how you managed the process of finding residential care? It feels quite overwhelming at the moment so any advice from your experience would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Toby
Living on your own is a lonely thing, I post on where because my wife got early onset AZ, then my mum moved in too with an MCI.
All history now so I post alone from my empty kitchen, but being alone isn't the best place for me, I'm not lonely just alone. K
All history now so I post alone from my empty kitchen, but being alone isn't the best place for me, I'm not lonely just alone. K
Visit a few - you soon get a feel for places/staff. Think about things which are important. My Mum isn’t keen on lifts so we wanted a ground floor room. Different homes have different areas in different places. Try to weigh up the stage other residents are at. Look at the activities program - do things appeal to your Mum? My Mum’s care home has an excessive amount of piano playing/singing. She loves it but it could be annoying if you didn’t. The geography of the care home is also a consideration - both its location but its organisation internally. At Mums they are split into households of 8-12 people which makes a large home seem more homely. They have a section for quieter people for example. Look at the gardens - Mum’s is lovely and large and very well used by the residents. My Uncle is also in a care home - it’s a lovely garden but rarely do you see anyone in it!
I am assuming you would be self funding. If not, the authority will suggest somewhere if they agree she needs that support I believe. Mum is self funding - hopefully the sale of her house goes through this week or we will be short!
I hope this helps @TobyD11 and @Paulineg72
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Care homes: When is the right time and who decides?
Advice and practical tips for carers on when is the right time for a person to be moved to a care home.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
To add to the above, when visiting homes, I’d advise looking beyond the obvious things like decor and general maintenance. My parents visited some and found that the ones which were smarter, tended to have less mobile occupants who didn’t seem to actually use many of the facilities on offer, and policy was to keep them to their rooms. The meal menus looked like smart restaurant offerings, but they weren’t eaten in the dining room with others. Gardens were well maintained by a gardener, but nobody seemed to be in them other than staff.
My parents eventually decided on a home which in the face of it was a bit shabbier and more scuffed, but that seemed to be because the two communal areas (one more lively with a TV, one quieter without a TV) and dining rooms were actually in use. There was a schedule of activities for both of the communal rooms, and there were minibus trips out and about around the area. Meals were more basic than some of the other homes, but more the kind of home-style roasts, cottage pie, sausage & mash etc, that Granny was going to enjoy. There was always an option to eat in individual rooms, but eating in the dining room as a community, was encouraged. There was a small sunny courtyard garden which residents were enabled to use. There were even a couple of folks who had little areas in raised beds, and grew their own wee veggie patches and flowers.
My parents eventually decided on a home which in the face of it was a bit shabbier and more scuffed, but that seemed to be because the two communal areas (one more lively with a TV, one quieter without a TV) and dining rooms were actually in use. There was a schedule of activities for both of the communal rooms, and there were minibus trips out and about around the area. Meals were more basic than some of the other homes, but more the kind of home-style roasts, cottage pie, sausage & mash etc, that Granny was going to enjoy. There was always an option to eat in individual rooms, but eating in the dining room as a community, was encouraged. There was a small sunny courtyard garden which residents were enabled to use. There were even a couple of folks who had little areas in raised beds, and grew their own wee veggie patches and flowers.