Need help regarding night time toilet visits.

[Gillian.H]

I have been a carer for my husband for 6 years. I now have a big problem with him needing the toilet during the night. We live in a small one bedroom flat, the bathroom is right opposite our bedroom, l leave both the doors open and have night lights on, so is easy to see. For the past few weeks he wil go into the bathroom, look at the toilet then turn away and use other places to wee instead. Has even gone into the kitchen and used the “ recycling box”. I have tried getting him to used night pull on pads, but he just takes them off, found them down the toilet more than once. I am not getting much sleep now, waking up every time he moves. Even when l wake in time to go with him, l have a real battle to get him to use the toilet with him saying “ no l cannot do it in there”. When he sees me mopping up where he has been time and time again, he just says, “no it wasn’t me, it must have been you” !!.
It is just getting too much now, l am so tired. The days l can cope with. Will be pleased to hear if anyone has any suggestions

 

[Neveradullday!]

Hi @Gillian.H - sorry you're having this trouble.
Would trying to get him to wee in a receptacle (eg a large jug or even a bucket) work? As long as he doesn't empty it on the floor. Maybe hide the recycling box and put a bucket in its place.
Yes, he'll never admit it was him.

 

[JaxG]

Are you getting any help, have you had a carers assessment? I would contact your doctor, tell them you are not coping and they will contact SS for you and you should get some help. What support are you looking for - advice on incontinence or a more permanent solution? I have been a carer for my husband for about 6 years, it's been absolute hell - violence and aggression, verbal abuse, so for me. once my husband is incontinent that is the time I will look at getting home into permanent care. There are people that live with this and try to cope - I am not one of them.

 

[Blissy]

My husband is also up quite a number of times in the night either for the toilet or because he is distressed. He also has to go through a routine before going to the toilet. He stands and looks at it and then we say he has to turn and after taking pants and trousers down can sit on the toilet (would completely miss if stood up to go! ). Could you go through that sort of routine with your husband, perhaps do in the day as well so it becomes a habit. My husband sleeps in another room but I have a movement sensor that chimes in my room so I know he is on the move. Perhaps if you had something like that you wouldn't be so alert in the night waiting for him to get up knowing the chime would wake you and you could then accompany him to the toilet. Not saying it will stop the tiredness as some mornings I wake up as tired as when I went to bed but it does give you a bit of a chance to sleep inbetween visits to the bathroom.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Gillian.H it could be that your husband is not recognising the toilet because of the white seat. Some members have found that changing the seat to blue or red helps. I have attached a couple of links to threads where this issue was discussed.

Peeing on the floor

I don't know if this issue has been raised by anyone else before. My partner has always sat down to pee since I've known him but now very often he's not sitting properly on the toilet and ends up peeing on the floor. I now have to follow him to the toilet all the time and try to make sure he...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Urinating in toilet bin

I know I've seen this before (I think) and I tried to search on here but can't find it. Ma is in the carehome and apparently urinating in the bin. It's a small silver bin with a LID on it right next to the toilet. I have no idea why or how she would do this. I suppose I'm kinda impressed that...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[RM3]

Hello @Gillian.H it could be that your husband is not recognising the toilet because of the white seat. Some members have found that changing the seat to blue or red helps. I have attached a couple of links to threads where this issue was discussed.

Peeing on the floor

I don't know if this issue has been raised by anyone else before. My partner has always sat down to pee since I've known him but now very often he's not sitting properly on the toilet and ends up peeing on the floor. I now have to follow him to the toilet all the time and try to make sure he...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Urinating in toilet bin

I know I've seen this before (I think) and I tried to search on here but can't find it. Ma is in the carehome and apparently urinating in the bin. It's a small silver bin with a LID on it right next to the toilet. I have no idea why or how she would do this. I suppose I'm kinda impressed that...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

@SeaSwallow - your reply just reminded me that my GP surgery now has red toilet seats. There is a sign saying these are dementia friendly.

 

[SeaSwallow]

@SeaSwallow - your reply just reminded me that my GP surgery now has red toilet seats. There is a sign saying these are dementia friendly.

@RM3 That is really good, hopefully more will do the same.

 

[Gillian.H]

My husband is also up quite a number of times in the night either for the toilet or because he is distressed. He also has to go through a routine before going to the toilet. He stands and looks at it and then we say he has to turn and after taking pants and trousers down can sit on the toilet (would completely miss if stood up to go! ). Could you go through that sort of routine with your husband, perhaps do in the day as well so it becomes a habit. My husband sleeps in another room but I have a movement sensor that chimes in my room so I know he is on the move. Perhaps if you had something like that you wouldn't be so alert in the night waiting for him to get up knowing the , and have the rechime would wake you and you could then accompany him to the toilet. Not saying it will stop the tiredness as some mornings I wake up as tired as when I went to bed but it does give you a bit of a chance to sleep inbetween visits to the bathroom.

Hi Blissy, thank for reply. I always go with him to the toilet during the day, and have the routine you have mentioned, but even if l wake and manage to get to the bathroom with him, it is still a battle to get him to use the toilet, he would rather do it all over the floor, or find somewhere else to do it in. I guess it is just something else l have to deal with. It doesn’t get any easier does it ?. Social Services have been very good and are getting different things in place for me. But at the end of the day, we just have to do the best we can eh ?

 

[canary]

Is the toilet white with a white seat?
People with dementia get a change in their perception. Black things are seen as a hole and white things seem to disappear.

If a toilet is white with a white seat, and especially if there are white tiles behind, he will have trouble seeing the toilet and may think he has to go somewhere else. That's why having a coloured seat may make it easier to see. Otherwise, yes, try a brightly coloured bucket next to the toilet where it can be easily seen.

 

[Gillian.H]

Are you getting any help, have you had a carers assessment? I would contact your doctor, tell them you are not coping and they will contact SS for you and you should get some help. What support are you looking for - advice on incontinence or a more permanent solution? I have been a carer for my husband for about 6 years, it's been absolute hell - violence and aggression, verbal abuse, so for me. once my husband is incontinent that is the time I will look at getting home into permanent care. There are people that live with this and try to cope - I am not one of them.

Thank you for your reply. I have been in contact with SS, and have had an assessment on my husband, they have been very helpful and now have 2days a week where he goes for Day Care, also in talks of times away, to give me a break. It is not that he is incontinent, he is able to get to the toilet in time. It’s just this night time thing he has regarding the toilet. Will try putting something different next to the toilet for him to use ( have moved the recycle bin from the kitchen !!)
Life is hard, but at the end of the day we just do the best we can, but it takes it toll eh ?

 

[Gillian.H]

Hi @Gillian.H - sorry you're having this trouble.
Would trying to get him to wee in a receptacle (eg a large jug or even a bucket) work? As long as he doesn't empty it on the floor. Maybe hide the recycling box and put a bucket in its place.
Yes, he'll never admit it was him.

Thank you that is a good idea. And yes l have moved the recycling bin, ah ah. Just one more thing to deal with, but life still has to go on.

 

[Blissy]

Hi Blissy, thank for reply. I always go with him to the toilet during the day, and have the routine you have mentioned, but even if l wake and manage to get to the bathroom with him, it is still a battle to get him to use the toilet, he would rather do it all over the floor, or find somewhere else to do it in. I guess it is just something else l have to deal with. It doesn’t get any easier does it ?. Social Services have been very good and are getting different things in place for me. But at the end of the day, we just have to do the best we can eh ?

Your right Gillian we can only do our best. Would be easier if there seemed to be some logic to behaviour but most times there isn't.

 

[JillyFlower]

I have been a carer for my husband for 6 years. I now have a big problem with him needing the toilet during the night. We live in a small one bedroom flat, the bathroom is right opposite our bedroom, l leave both the doors open and have night lights on, so is easy to see. For the past few weeks he wil go into the bathroom, look at the toilet then turn away and use other places to wee instead. Has even gone into the kitchen and used the “ recycling box”. I have tried getting him to used night pull on pads, but he just takes them off, found them down the toilet more than once. I am not getting much sleep now, waking up every time he moves. Even when l wake in time to go with him, l have a real battle to get him to use the toilet with him saying “ no l cannot do it in there”. When he sees me mopping up where he has been time and time again, he just says, “no it wasn’t me, it must have been you” !!.
It is just getting too much now, l am so tired. The days l can cope with. Will be pleased to hear if anyone has any suggestions

Hello Gillian,
My husband uses a milk bottle at night. He seems very happy with that as it saves him having to go to the bathroom! I think may be OT dept. may have similar bottles or what about a commode? However, he also wears mens' disposable pants day and night (we made a joke about it at first - he calls them his "chappie nappies" ) and seems quite happy with that. Not easy is it? You just solve one problem and two more pop up. Sending you hugs, it is so hard.

 

[maggie6445]

My OH calls his pull ups his safety pants. I called them just in case pants but he chose safety pants.

 

[JaxG]

Thank you for your reply. I have been in contact with SS, and have had an assessment on my husband, they have been very helpful and now have 2days a week where he goes for Day Care, also in talks of times away, to give me a break. It is not that he is incontinent, he is able to get to the toilet in time. It’s just this night time thing he has regarding the toilet. Will try putting something different next to the toilet for him to use ( have moved the recycle bin from the kitchen !!)
Life is hard, but at the end of the day we just do the best we can, but it takes it toll eh ?

Life is hard, in a way that no one else can understand unless they have lived through it. My husband goes into respite from time to time, I picked him up last Friday and I had the conversation with staff that there will come a time quite soon when I will be able to say I can no longer cope. My OH can use the toilet but over the last 6 months he has lost most other meaningful functioning - no decision making processes. I have done my best under a back drop of abuse and aggression, but I am worn out.
I hope you find a solution to the toilet issue - the broken nights will take there toll, exhaustion makes this impossible.

 

[TeacherSue]

I have been a carer for my husband for 6 years. I now have a big problem with him needing the toilet during the night. We live in a small one bedroom flat, the bathroom is right opposite our bedroom, l leave both the doors open and have night lights on, so is easy to see. For the past few weeks he wil go into the bathroom, look at the toilet then turn away and use other places to wee instead. Has even gone into the kitchen and used the “ recycling box”. I have tried getting him to used night pull on pads, but he just takes them off, found them down the toilet more than once. I am not getting much sleep now, waking up every time he moves. Even when l wake in time to go with him, l have a real battle to get him to use the toilet with him saying “ no l cannot do it in there”. When he sees me mopping up where he has been time and time again, he just says, “no it wasn’t me, it must have been you” !!.
It is just getting too much now, l am so tired. The days l can cope with. Will be pleased to hear if anyone has any suggestions

Hi this is such an issue. My husband is now under the bowel and bladder clinic. The lady told me that dementia patients often have an obsession with the toilet. My husband often just keeps getting up and often just stands there, but you never know when he's going to go. I've had so many accidents of both kinds. When I'm at home at the weekends I monitor how much he has to drink and when he goes. At night I make sure he goes before bed. He is on anti-depressants to help him sleep as he was just wandering all night so that normally gets him round to 5am. I bought my own pull ups which he was happy to wear during the day. but the bowel and bladder service here doesn't offer these. Instead there is like a big pad that goes inside his normal boxers. This might be worth exploring for nights Definitely contact your doctor or mental health team. I hope you find a solution. You can't carry on with disturbed sleep.

 

[Springfield]

Toileting in the night takes its toll. If he doesn't get there in time the mess is everywhere. Cleaning up takes ages and I am so tired. There is always SO much washing. I buy pads for the urine but am hoping to get the continence service to prescribe pads for poo. My OH is angry so much of the time mainly with me and I cannot seem to get anything right. I do so much for him and he barely notices. We have had some major work done to our bathroom whilst he has been in hospital and the whole house is a mess. The work is not totally finished so deep cleaning is not practical. He was desperate to come home from hospital. When he came home he was furious that the house was so untidy and dirty. I explained the situation again. He told me that I was lazy and that he wished he had stayed at the hospital.
Being a carer instead of a wife is so much more difficult.

 

[SherwoodSue]

I am so sorry. You really didn’t deserve that. We know it’s the big D but so hard …..
Thinking of you

 

[maggie6445]

Toileting in the night takes its toll. If he doesn't get there in time the mess is everywhere. Cleaning up takes ages and I am so tired. There is always SO much washing. I buy pads for the urine but am hoping to get the continence service to prescribe pads for poo. My OH is angry so much of the time mainly with me and I cannot seem to get anything right. I do so much for him and he barely notices. We have had some major work done to our bathroom whilst he has been in hospital and the whole house is a mess. The work is not totally finished so deep cleaning is not practical. He was desperate to come home from hospital. When he came home he was furious that the house was so untidy and dirty. I explained the situation again. He told me that I was lazy and that he wished he had stayed at the hospital.
Being a carer instead of a wife is so much more difficult.

Hi @Springfield, have you tried pull up pants instead of pads? My OH uses pull ups and sometimes has a bowel accident, or at least a partial accident as he doesn't always make it to the toilet in time. The incontinence team provides tenna super for the night and tenna classic for daytime. I buy Aldi pull ups if we need extra.. occasionally I get a damp patch on the Kyle sheet but generally the bed is dry even when the pull up is very wet.
My OH calls them his safety pants.

I always go with him even in the night. Easier than cleaning a mess and quicker back to bed