Hello to everyone, this is my first post. I have been reading posts for a few weeks and have found them so validating of my experience with my life partner who was diagnosed with AZ a year and a half ago. I feel so broken by his abuse as many of you describe. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, otherwise I was starting to think that I am going insane. How do you cope? I was starting to drink too much wine, but that just made things worse. I am trying meditation and prayer. I am trying for ego dissolution but I fail too often. Thank you all for your stories. Sending much love to you all.
So broken and oh so grateful to you all
- Thread starter LeeLilyD
- Start date
More than welcome honey, always someone here to listen and share a virtual bottle of chenin blanc with you. K
Oh dear @LeeLilyD I do so feel for you, it is so hard to take constant verbal abuse from our partners. No matter how many times we remind ourselves that it is the disease not the person it still hurts. Please keep posting on here, we are here to support you and we know what you are going through.
Hi @LeeLilyD there's absolutely nothing wrong in saying "thank you" on the Forum. It isn't a necessity but it is also nice to know that one's contribution has been read and appreciated. We are all individuals with different styles and ways of expressing ourselves. I don't think that any one has meant to criticise you so please don't hesitate to post whatever and whenever you want. We will always 'listen' and try to help.
Again, thank you, I appreciate your reply. I know you meant no harm. I am just so incredibly exhausted and so tired of being told that every aspect of my being is wrong. By the way, I am not all that young. Just broken and questioning my reason for living. I don't really want to live this way much longer. I am a scholar of world religions and so I see this as yet another spiritual path of constant surrender...but I doubt my ability to continue this path. I can't stop sobbing month after month. People out there in my immediate world can be so horribly cruel. I am just so tired. I am lucky that once or twice a month I can afford to leave and go stay in a decent hotel and just sob and sob for one night, and then return to hell. Hell for me is not a place. It is a way of being in a self-decided miserable way of perceiving what is around me. Then there is heaven. Not a place but a way of seeing everything around me as a beautiful gift. This is what I strive for. But oh how I fail......this is more than hard. It is not yet impossible but nearing a fatal brink. Thank you all for all of your kind words.
I apologize but I do not understand. Was my reply not acceptable. If it does not matter what part of the world I am in then why are you asking?
This is the constant kind of doubting and questioning that I have been dealing with privately for a few years now. Even before his actual diagnosis there were signs and symptoms that led us to go to a professional.
I had hoped to join a "clean" group. I believe that most of you are and I thank you as I have already said.
I am sorry about sounding so hopeless. But I am. I am not in immanent danger. I am sorry to imply that. I am not sure what I said to upset you.
Everyone who is in this, as I am in this, is wounded. I get that now more than I did a few hours ago.
Reaching out to other wounded people is not so safe. I get that now.
I think the question was kindly meant - it stops us giving irrelevant advice if we know where you are in the world. For example, there would be no point us talking about the English care system to someone in the United States. It just makes sure that the folks who reply to you, give you information which is as useful as possible. Of course you’re welcome here, wherever you are in this strange world. We’re not upset with anything you’ve posted. I hope you’ll stick with us.
@Collywobbles you are completely correct, absolutely no malice intended and I really thought that
I'd made that clear.
@LeeLilyD my only reason for asking is that there's no point in us giving UK advise if you live elsewhere. I did actually point out that you were and still are welcome regardless of where you live.
I'd made that clear.
@LeeLilyD my only reason for asking is that there's no point in us giving UK advise if you live elsewhere. I did actually point out that you were and still are welcome regardless of where you live.
