Hi,
My Mum is 67 and has vascular dementia, diagnosed 2 years ago. She loves a 3 hour drive away from me unfortunately so I only get to see her every 6-8 weeks or so as I work full time and have a young family myself. My Mum lives with her partner of 30 years, however he is 12 years younger and works full time. Recently he has been communicating to me that he feels she is getting worse, her short term memory is non existent and she is doing things such as walking to town 2-3 times a day but just buying the same things and then putting cat food down for their cat but all the time! He's finding bowls of mouldy cat food in cupboards! He says she isn't really washing on a daily basis either and he is finding it too much to support her. He has said that he loves her but cannot stay with her until the end as he "wants to enjoy my life"!! I am so devastated that he feels he can't support her, my poor Mum has no idea.
Anyway the biggest issue is he is refusing to get any support or help for Mum or himself from the local dementia support groups, my Mum won't go on her own and he won't go with her. I've offered to call local support networks but he told me he doesn't want to be bothered by any charity workers. He said I need to be ready to "catch the ball' when he decides he's had enough.
I obviously want my Mum to be cared for and not a burden so really I just want her nearer to me but she has no awareness of her dementia and obviously won't want to move! I can't seem to get any advice on what to do. Who should I contact, her GP won't talk to me. I do have LPA and MPA set up with and her partner is also a named legal/medical power of attorney. I just don't know what to do for the best! Should she move to a new home sooner and they split up now, or does she need a care home once he's ready to dump her(I don't think so yet?) or is there a half way solution!? I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I have found dealing with him worse than my actual Mum!
My Mum is 67 and has vascular dementia, diagnosed 2 years ago. She loves a 3 hour drive away from me unfortunately so I only get to see her every 6-8 weeks or so as I work full time and have a young family myself. My Mum lives with her partner of 30 years, however he is 12 years younger and works full time. Recently he has been communicating to me that he feels she is getting worse, her short term memory is non existent and she is doing things such as walking to town 2-3 times a day but just buying the same things and then putting cat food down for their cat but all the time! He's finding bowls of mouldy cat food in cupboards! He says she isn't really washing on a daily basis either and he is finding it too much to support her. He has said that he loves her but cannot stay with her until the end as he "wants to enjoy my life"!! I am so devastated that he feels he can't support her, my poor Mum has no idea.
Anyway the biggest issue is he is refusing to get any support or help for Mum or himself from the local dementia support groups, my Mum won't go on her own and he won't go with her. I've offered to call local support networks but he told me he doesn't want to be bothered by any charity workers. He said I need to be ready to "catch the ball' when he decides he's had enough.
I obviously want my Mum to be cared for and not a burden so really I just want her nearer to me but she has no awareness of her dementia and obviously won't want to move! I can't seem to get any advice on what to do. Who should I contact, her GP won't talk to me. I do have LPA and MPA set up with and her partner is also a named legal/medical power of attorney. I just don't know what to do for the best! Should she move to a new home sooner and they split up now, or does she need a care home once he's ready to dump her(I don't think so yet?) or is there a half way solution!? I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I have found dealing with him worse than my actual Mum!