Moving Dad into a care home - tips and practicalities

[LisaV]

Hello everyone
Our Dad has had two falls in the last week and is now needing 24h care because of further risk of falls. he seems to be deteriorating quite rapidly, with dementia symptoms and general frailty.

We are trying to sort out a care home for him to move into next week.

Are there any resources or tips out there for ways we can make this as positive as possible? what should we pack for him, how often should we visit once he is there? how can we make this as painless as possible for him?

Thank you

 

[SAP]

Hello @LisaV ,I would say pack clothes and a few personal belongings to make his room homely such as photos and personal care stuff . Label EVERYTHING, socks, pants photos the lot. I also put the names of the people or places on the photo frames so that the staff could talk to mum about them. Don’t send in anything valuable as stuff does go walk about . Check if the home provides bedding or if they allow you to bring your own, they will probably provide towels. Make clothing easy to get on and off and remember that it will be washed at high temperatures so check the labels. Slippers….if your dad is a falls risk , make sure any footwear had good grips and fit properly, my mum tripped over the toes of her shoes.
Ask the home about medication and who the GP is. In both homes my mum was in they were attached to a GP surgery who saw all the residents.
As for visiting let yourself be guided by the staff in the first instance as your dad will need time to settle in and sometimes that is easier if there are no visitors for a week or so. After that , it’s up to you.
Never lose sight of the fact that you have done your very best for your dad and now he needs care that is best provided in a home.

 

[Cinnamon009]

We used care home labels for iron on labels for everything of mums and their stick on ones for anything that wasn't going to be washed. A permanent marker also works for items you may replace regularly. Expect to have to get extra of everything as they wash everything more often and at one stage mum had no pants left in her drawer.

Get the finance position in place before visiting any as otherwise you may waste time visiting homes where the funding is prohibitive. You may want to consider whether he needs Dementia residential or Dementia nursing - there aren't as many of the latter. If you are self funding some homes are rigid on their requirement for proof of two year's funds but if you are not self funding then ask your social worker for the home they will offer without top up fee (they have to offer at least one) and visit to see what this is as a base to judge others against. You will have to pay the top up fee (or other family) out of your own funds so get clear on what the top-up looks like. Some homes will not accept local authority funding so again, knock those off the list if you need to. There were some homes on our LA list which only took self funders but the list didn't specify this.

Ask lots of questions and if no-one is around when you take them in ask to meet the manager later so you can detail any extra details they need to be aware of. We didn't and had no end of teething problems in the first few weeks which resulted in SS raising a safe guarding concern.

Be prepared for an initial shock at visiting the homes as you will see residents in various levels of dementia and the dementia units in particular can be quite depressing but you do get used to it and when you get to know the staff and other residents it does give you comfort.

 

[LisaV]

Thank you both. Much appreciated.

 

[Kristo]

My dad goes into a care home for respite on Monday for the first time, I will let you know how we get on - my sister and I are popping in there on Sunday with some photos and bits for his room to make it more homely. Nothing takes away the guilt though, sadly!! At least we are confident that he will be safe and entertained; they even have a resident cat which will keep him happy! Good luck x

 

[Kristo]

Update - Dad has settled into the care home and is enjoying all the activities. I told him once we were in on Monday that he was staying a few days so that the nurses can review his medication, and he was fine with that (I was prepared for a huge battle!). I snuck out by saying I was going to the toilet . Felt so guilty!! Prepared myself for tears and tantrums when I visited the next day, but no! There was a music activity on, and he was singing and dancing, pleased to see us but happy when we left. The home have a Facebook page and Dad is front and centre on every activity that they post, having the time of his life. Such a relief!! Long may it continue, as now we have an option in place for when we need to look at more permanent options in the future. Good luck with your own care home experience, we were absolutely dreading it but now wish that we had done it sooner - Dad is safe and well-cared for, but also happy and socialising.

 

[SAP]

@Kristo , that is good news. My mum really perked up once she got into her first care home and I just knew it was the right thing to do.

 

[LisaV]

Thanks Kristo. Glad it's all working out!