Have I lost my husband

[K47t]

I got in from work last evening, and out of the blue my husband asked me if I was going to be getting married.
Told him no, I am already married....to him
He said I could not be married to him he was too old for me to be married to him
We have an age gap of 24 years.
This has never bothered him before, but I am wondering if I am losing him to this disease?
Hurt and extremely sad.
I can't wrap him in cotton wool but I wish I could.
How can I explain that yes we really are married? I tried showing him one of our wedding photos, but although he could name every one in the photo, he still would not believe we are married.

 

[Rishile]

I know exactly how you are feeling because this was the first major incident I had with my husband. He claimed he didn't even know my name 'because we hadn't been introduced'. I really panicked because I thought this was going to be permanent but it wasn't. An hour or so later he knew me and that we were married.

We still have incidents like this and it's mostly when he is tired. If I have the time and inclination, I will sit calmly with him and tell him about our wedding day, talk about our parents (all long gone, sadly), show him the photos and recall things we have done, holidays, days out etc. This usually works but sometimes (you have to judge) he just wants to sleep so that's all I can do. When he wakes up, he usually remembers me again.

Don't force the memories and try not to get upset about what he is saying (not easy) as he will pick up on your distress and it will get worse.

My husband threw me a curve-ball the other day but saying his wife passed away. I know I didn't and I see the proof in the mirror but a few conversations got to the bottom of this comment.

 

[maisiecat]

Hi @K47t , I know how sad this is because it happened to me last year but now my husband remembers me and our children again. If its a sudden change check he hasn't got an infection of any kind often a UTI will precipitate more confusion.
My husband has Parkisons dementia and vascular dementia and it is the vascular dementia I associate this with as he throws off small strokes. It may be your husband needs a medication review.

 

[leny connery]

I got in from work last evening, and out of the blue my husband asked me if I was going to be getting married.
Told him no, I am already married....to him
He said I could not be married to him he was too old for me to be married to him
We have an age gap of 24 years.
This has never bothered him before, but I am wondering if I am losing him to this disease?
Hurt and extremely sad.
I can't wrap him in cotton wool but I wish I could.
How can I explain that yes we really are married? I tried showing him one of our wedding photos, but although he could name every one in the photo, he still would not believe we are married.

I am still learning not to be upset, and just to let it ride. It is hard, though, and I still 'lost it' sometimes despite knowing it is no good, for me or for him. Flipping and flopping between being me and being his mum, with no patterns, rhyme or reason every day or night, mentally is hard, but there is nothing for it but soldier on

 

[K47t]

It has been a hard week this week, he has been awkward and lied to a nurse about his hallucinations. I have had a few cries as everything is getting so on top of each other. The latest was last night when we got home from shopping, his £80 pocket money wasn't enough and apparently it should have been £800. Even I cannot afford that. I have £100 pocket money a month which I do what I like with. All the other money in the account is to pay for incidentals and bills. He thinks I am stealing from him because I will not agree to £800 a week, but there is no way the account can afford this. In his wallet he had £400 before we went shopping, and £480 when I counted it after shopping, but that wasn't right. Is he just losing his capacity to understand money? It isn't as though I am denying him pocket money, but he never uses it either

 

[SherwoodSue]

Hold your nerve. Having money in the wallet is important for PWD with anxiety. You could never reassure a PWD enough to make the anxiety go away and no matter how much money you laid out …..

I would say perhaps you are right , let’s review it later

Repeat repeat repeat

 

[maggie6445]

Money is a fixation for pwd. I think my OH 's anxiety over it goes back to the days when he had a young family and money was very tight.
He has £20 in his wallet and I expect it will be there next month as he rarely spends anything! These days he rarely remembers to take his wallet with him and yet he regularly says he wants to go to the bank to get money out. I give excuses, the bank is closed today, we'll go tomorrow as we don't have time today or how much do you want ,I can give you some. He can't even say an amount as he doesn't know how to 'talk money' !

Would you saying you don't think it's safe to carry that much as he might get mugged/ lose it persuade him to carry less? Or tell him shops prefer the card unless they're very cheap items. You could then load his card with his pocket money each week..

Does he mean £800 or is he mis saying £80.00? My oh confused 20p and £1 coins for a while.

 

[Gillian.H]

Hi there. I was woken once in the middle of the night and was asked by my husband “ what is your name and how much do they pay you ??? “. My goodness, did he think l was a “A lady of the night” !!!. Did not know wether to laugh or to cry. Welcome to our world. 😀😢

 

[Kevinl]

Surely not Gillian.H, more likely or a nurse or carer as in he said "they' rather than I, if you see what I mean and I do say that in a light-hearted way. Unless you were wearing a naughty nurses costume at the time? K

 

[annieka 56]

Money is a fixation for pwd. I think my OH 's anxiety over it goes back to the days when he had a young family and money was very tight.
He has £20 in his wallet and I expect it will be there next month as he rarely spends anything! These days he rarely remembers to take his wallet with him and yet he regularly says he wants to go to the bank to get money out. I give excuses, the bank is closed today, we'll go tomorrow as we don't have time today or how much do you want ,I can give you some. He can't even say an amount as he doesn't know how to 'talk money' !

Would you saying you don't think it's safe to carry that much as he might get mugged/ lose it persuade him to carry less? Or tell him shops prefer the card unless they're very cheap items. You could then load his card with his pocket money each week..

Does he mean £800 or is he mis saying £80.00? My oh confused 20p and £1 coins for a while.

 

[annieka 56]

I agree with you maggie6445. I think money does become a fixation same as driving a car.
Wanting to be like they used to be.
My husband also stopped being able to talk/think money which is sad because he was a maths teacher. He once started to write a £10 cheque to a charity but filled in £10, 000 in the number box...
He had a small stack of £10/£20 notes on a shelf that he was very proud of then after I moved them he started giving me the evil eye and whispered to our adult sons that I was stealing his money.
That was when he could still speak as now he has total aphasia.

 

[annieka 56]

I agree with you maggie6445. I think money does become a fixation same as driving a car.
Wanting to be like they used to be.
My husband also stopped being able to talk/think money which is sad because he was a maths teacher. He once started to write a £10 cheque to a charity but filled in £10, 000 in the number box...
He had a small stack of £10/£20 notes on a shelf that he was very proud of then after I moved them he started giving me the evil eye and whispered to our adult sons that I was stealing his money.
That was when he could still speak as now he has total aphasia.