@Louj3 I am so pleased that you have received good advice and support. As you say your mum will be moved in 36 hours but this whole awful situation should not have happened and it will take you a while to recover from this awful experience. Take care and let us know how you get on over the next few days.
Final straw
- Thread starter Louj3
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- vascular dementia
I am genuinely lifted by everyone’s messages of support. Thank you. I hadn’t realised how common it is for specialist dementia units to decide they cannot meet fairly standard dementia needs. I was so taken aback by how cross they were with mum. Hope I’m not pinning too much on this second home we are going to tomorrow.
My brother is stable and talking but has no left side movement and the added complication of pneumonia but is receiving good care.
Let’s hope the dementia care team are able to calm the situation this morning………..
My brother is stable and talking but has no left side movement and the added complication of pneumonia but is receiving good care.
Let’s hope the dementia care team are able to calm the situation this morning………..
Apparently mum was delightful when the dementia support nurse went to see her yesterday - and also pretty in tune with what was happening. She told her that she was trying to get kicked out because it was so awful there 😳 I genuinely hope that’s not true or we might be really struggling to get her anywhere.
I think that’s pretty typical of mum in that sometime she’s fully across what’s happening - or if not fully then really quite good and on other days she’s all over the place.
I’m going to pick her up and take her to the new home today so hopefully that will be a bit better. Fingers crossed
I think that’s pretty typical of mum in that sometime she’s fully across what’s happening - or if not fully then really quite good and on other days she’s all over the place.
I’m going to pick her up and take her to the new home today so hopefully that will be a bit better. Fingers crossed
So far so good. I really like the new home who seem much more solution focused and caring. They talk about their residents as people living with dementia not dementia patients. It is spacious and bright and full of smiles and laughter. They have gone out of their way to settle mum in and she has done more in 24 hours than she did in 10 days in the other place. She particularly enjoyed the visit by local nursery children. They have been in touch to say things are going well and so far mum has been very engaged with them. I’m sure there will be bumps when she decides she wants to leave but I have a bit more faith they will deal with it. Fingers crossed 😬
That is good to hear. I’m really glad your mum is engaging with what’s on. I chose mums first care home because of the amazing stuff they did, but it was hard work getting mum to settle in and enjoy it all,
I'm so glad it's going well so far. Hopefully this is the starts of a bit more of a settled chapter. Take care
So sorry you had to endure this episode. I don't know what else to say. But good for you for reaching out. It's a tough position such as ourselves. The many phases of feelings that we feel we are NOT supposed to feel from anger, irritation, hopelessness, guilt, lonely.....I could go on. But I felt a little better when I found this forum. I do not go on as much anymore because there is just too much to do as far as caring for my loved one, sorting out their finances, trying to salvage my own affairs, forget about relationships!
Hoping this will be my final post because things are going SO well. Mum is relaxed, happy and well cared for. She at last seems to have accepted her restricted freedom and is engaging with staff and other residents. Her dementia does seem much more advanced and it is impossible really to think only a couple of months ago she was living independently but I am so impressed with the quality of care she is receiving. It’s a shame she had to move 100 miles to get it but it’s worth it to find the right place. They do exist. Thank you to everyone on this forum for the wisdom, suppose and kindness.
Hello @Louj3 I am delighted to hear your good news. For many people, posts tail off as their lives move on, quite understandably , so it’s really nice to hear how things turn out. I am so pleased your Mum is settled, happy and now accepting her restricted freedom. I hope this gives hope and comfort to those who are contemplating moving their loved ones into care, or are in the actual process.. It works, and often - very well.
Here’s to a calmer and happier next stage of your own life.
Here’s to a calmer and happier next stage of your own life.
💗 In the times that might come where things are not so good keep this post to remind yourself that things are good, can be good sometimes, can be good all of the time and sometimes not so good. Sending you best wishes 💗
ah, so sorry for you and mum. Still , should have, could have are words which is not useful on hindsight. Do not feel too bad or guilty. You are not dealing with an inanimate object, but a person with a will of her own, Unfortunately, it does sound the end of the road for her to live alone. Residential care home is (all of our) last choice. When there really is no other alternative. She sounds a wilful , independent person so of course she will fight, but you must think what is best for her and for people around her. Good luck, you are doing the best in a very difficult situation. Lots of love
