Hello, I find that each time I visit my Mum, approx fortnightly, she asks me to explain what's wrong with her, and to prove to her with 'evidence' what's she's done to end up with this diagnosis, and wants to know where is the proper detailed diagnosis from a doctor, She doesn't really recognise the Memory Service, cant remember those interactions. She says the carers don't come, it's only me that knows about them, how come they all know me, and that all of her friends think she's perfectly fine. Actually she does have lots of good days, is at her best when socialising, and physically is well. She's been a scientist all her working life, curious, challenging, that's how her mind works. I want to respect her, her boundaries and questions, and try to explain as best as I can, but end up thinking that I'm always redelivering awful news. I worry that in her mind it's all becoming my fault. Someone reminded me today to never say No to a person with dementia, to always find a way to redirect and use humour. Does anyone have ideas on other ways to handle her questions...... Thankyou
Explanations
- Thread starter Nina55
- Start date
After years of this with my Dad I just gave him some leaflets from the Alheimers Society every time he asked what was wrong with him - he never read them but he found it reassuring to have an official piece of paper and I did not have to explain for the thousandth time.
That would be nice. Unfortunately when we go along the age related reasoning, she refuses to have carers, medication, memory appointments etc on the grounds there's nothing much wrong. She's been deemed by Social Services to have reduced capacity to make her own care decisions.
You could put a different slant to it and say that it’s you that needs the extra support. I remember saying it to my mum for the first time when she kept questioning everything and I just explained that I work and I have two sons and I need the support because I can’t always be there with her, doing some jobs or providing care. That seemed to register with mum, that actually it was me who needed extra help. Just a thought x
We used to medicate together, I know adverting isn't allowed on here but my medication was smarties (other candy cover chocolates are available) hers was real medicine. Acting as equals and doing things together worked better for me than trying to tell her what to do.
She took me for hospital appointments in case there was anything they might want to ask her.
As far as she understood it she was my carer not the other way round.
I'm going for a walk...suddenly she was putting her coat on too, same with taking a shower, any number of things, she was quite clingy and wouldn't let me out of her sight.
Hope that helps. K
She took me for hospital appointments in case there was anything they might want to ask her.
As far as she understood it she was my carer not the other way round.
I'm going for a walk...suddenly she was putting her coat on too, same with taking a shower, any number of things, she was quite clingy and wouldn't let me out of her sight.
Hope that helps. K
