Hello. I am new here and this is my first post. I am somewhat reluctant to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences and would much rather read others experiences, but in all fairness, I will share, rather than observe. My Mum was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia, she is 86, living on her own, widowed for 10 years. (Dad had Alzheimer’s and Mum put him in a care facility within the 1st year of his disease as it “wasn’t something she signed up for”)
I am an only child and she has been co-dependent on me for my entire life. We have been close, probably too close in hindsight. Her dementia has been evident for at least the last 3 years but had progressed rapidly in the last 6 months. Short term memory non-existent. She has a split personality with her dementia which rears its ugly head every 4 days or so and she becomes Mr Hyde! Aggressive, violent, angry, paranoid, says vile and cruel things. She gets on the phone and calls neighbours and friends about her paranoia (the paranoia is always about me, and how I am “out to get her”, “trying to steal her money or her house, or she dreamed my husband was trying to kill her, etc etc). During these episodes, she writes it all down so she can remember the next day. I go to where she has it written and remove the pages from her little book. Then alas, the next day, or at times, the next 2 hours, she is back to being kind, loving and sweet and telephones me to ask “how was your day honey?”
Needless to say, I am exhausted, emotionally. This has caused me, most recently, to develop an ulcerated stomach which is very painful to say the least. I won’t even mention what it is doing to my family life, my marriage, even visiting my treasured grandchildren.
I see her every single day to bring meals, do her morning and evening meds, pay her bills etc., groceries, household items, social interactions and then come home to do the same in my own home….and of course SMILE! We wouldn’t want too much negativity now would we? Grrrrrrr.
I am the Every Ready Battery whose batteries are beginning a slow death right before my very eyes. I care so deeply, and yet I am worn to the bone.
How does one separate themselves emotionally to recharge without someone having to suffer for it? “No”, in-home care for her is not an option as she refuses and home support is aware of her personality switches and they will not enter a home if the patient has aggressive tendencies. “No”, a care facility is not an option as she refuses.
Yikes! It’s a proverbial emotional rollercoaster of emotions and I fear she will easily outlive me as the stress is monumental and wreaking havoc on my health.
My apologies as this was more of a rant rather than a question! PS. She drinks her “happy hour” in large quantities each day foregoing the nutritious meals I bring. I generally toss them out after a day or two as they go untouched in her fridge. Just a losing, and very difficult battle.
I am an only child and she has been co-dependent on me for my entire life. We have been close, probably too close in hindsight. Her dementia has been evident for at least the last 3 years but had progressed rapidly in the last 6 months. Short term memory non-existent. She has a split personality with her dementia which rears its ugly head every 4 days or so and she becomes Mr Hyde! Aggressive, violent, angry, paranoid, says vile and cruel things. She gets on the phone and calls neighbours and friends about her paranoia (the paranoia is always about me, and how I am “out to get her”, “trying to steal her money or her house, or she dreamed my husband was trying to kill her, etc etc). During these episodes, she writes it all down so she can remember the next day. I go to where she has it written and remove the pages from her little book. Then alas, the next day, or at times, the next 2 hours, she is back to being kind, loving and sweet and telephones me to ask “how was your day honey?”
Needless to say, I am exhausted, emotionally. This has caused me, most recently, to develop an ulcerated stomach which is very painful to say the least. I won’t even mention what it is doing to my family life, my marriage, even visiting my treasured grandchildren.
I see her every single day to bring meals, do her morning and evening meds, pay her bills etc., groceries, household items, social interactions and then come home to do the same in my own home….and of course SMILE! We wouldn’t want too much negativity now would we? Grrrrrrr.
I am the Every Ready Battery whose batteries are beginning a slow death right before my very eyes. I care so deeply, and yet I am worn to the bone.
How does one separate themselves emotionally to recharge without someone having to suffer for it? “No”, in-home care for her is not an option as she refuses and home support is aware of her personality switches and they will not enter a home if the patient has aggressive tendencies. “No”, a care facility is not an option as she refuses.
Yikes! It’s a proverbial emotional rollercoaster of emotions and I fear she will easily outlive me as the stress is monumental and wreaking havoc on my health.
My apologies as this was more of a rant rather than a question! PS. She drinks her “happy hour” in large quantities each day foregoing the nutritious meals I bring. I generally toss them out after a day or two as they go untouched in her fridge. Just a losing, and very difficult battle.
