Hi, I'm not sureif I'm on the right thread,
My mum has vascular dementia with severe heart failure she's 89, she is bed to chair, sleeps alot.Myself and family have had many problems with my sister,who lives with mum and my dad, who is very frail has COPD heart failure,epilepsy, and other health problems but he is mobile.My sister is my mum's carer,I am unable to do the care as my sister and I don't get on, she is very controlling,and professionals are involved with her major ignorance of the help needed for mum,and her over powering my dad. The reason for my post is,mum hasn't mental capacity and a funeral plan was put in place both for mum and dad, by my dad, there was a meeting a few years back before things progressed, and mum and dad said they wanted cremation. Since mums decline my sister has become very arguementitive that my mum wants burial, but this was never said.My sister has changed mums funeral plan to burial, as we both have financial POA, I am very upset my sister has done this as it wasn't my mums wishes.
So my question is, as dad has mental capacity, can I speak to his social worker and ask for her to talk to my dad about what he feels mum would want, and to put it in writing, would this be a binding arrangement.or am I still going to have this horrible situation for us all. Everything is a arguement with my sister, mums medication, moving mum changing her, confusing mum about family things, telling her everything, so mum worries. I am worried how she is towards my dad who gets told what to do or not to do, she has been told not to tell him what to do, but she hasn't stopped.mum gets quite agitated at night and my sister won't leave her she will argue with her which makes mum worse, then my dad will say,just leave her, and my sister will tell my dad to shut up, it's her mum.Dad gets quite upset by it, and when he wants to go out with me for a drive and she puts him of going out, by saying don't worry I won't hurt her, then dad doesn't want to go out.I just feel we all, as a family need clarity with mums wishes, any advice I would be grateful.thanks Kim
My mum has vascular dementia with severe heart failure she's 89, she is bed to chair, sleeps alot.Myself and family have had many problems with my sister,who lives with mum and my dad, who is very frail has COPD heart failure,epilepsy, and other health problems but he is mobile.My sister is my mum's carer,I am unable to do the care as my sister and I don't get on, she is very controlling,and professionals are involved with her major ignorance of the help needed for mum,and her over powering my dad. The reason for my post is,mum hasn't mental capacity and a funeral plan was put in place both for mum and dad, by my dad, there was a meeting a few years back before things progressed, and mum and dad said they wanted cremation. Since mums decline my sister has become very arguementitive that my mum wants burial, but this was never said.My sister has changed mums funeral plan to burial, as we both have financial POA, I am very upset my sister has done this as it wasn't my mums wishes.
So my question is, as dad has mental capacity, can I speak to his social worker and ask for her to talk to my dad about what he feels mum would want, and to put it in writing, would this be a binding arrangement.or am I still going to have this horrible situation for us all. Everything is a arguement with my sister, mums medication, moving mum changing her, confusing mum about family things, telling her everything, so mum worries. I am worried how she is towards my dad who gets told what to do or not to do, she has been told not to tell him what to do, but she hasn't stopped.mum gets quite agitated at night and my sister won't leave her she will argue with her which makes mum worse, then my dad will say,just leave her, and my sister will tell my dad to shut up, it's her mum.Dad gets quite upset by it, and when he wants to go out with me for a drive and she puts him of going out, by saying don't worry I won't hurt her, then dad doesn't want to go out.I just feel we all, as a family need clarity with mums wishes, any advice I would be grateful.thanks Kim
