Advice please

[Tweezle]

Hello.
my mum has mid stage AZ. She has been in an independent living home with twice daily care visits. She has been refusing them entry and is not cooking, eating or washing. Recently she has become unsafe - walking into traffic, getting lost in the town she has lived in for 12 years, forgetting where she lives, so much so that I get regular phone calls from the local supermarket. Her social worker has made the decision that she is now not safe and has found a place in a residential care home. We have just moved her in but she is now calling repeatedly asking to be taken home, how she doesn’t belong and is very upset. So is this a “normal” reaction? I genuinely don’t know if we have done the right thing… would it be better to leave her in her old flat but knowing she isn’t caring for herself or allowing carers to support her or persevere in the hope she will settle into a new routine?

 

[SAP]

Hi @Tweezle welcome.
This is a very usual reaction and it will take her some time to settle as everything is new and she probably can’t get her head around why everything is difficult. Speak with the staff, they will be used to this and can let you know how she is really settling which may be different from her version.
From what you say, it sounds like your mum would nolonger be safe at home . Just imagine how you would feel if something bad happened. Once my mum started wandering and getting lost we decided that 24/7 care was the safest option for her. Remember it’s not about what she wants but what is best for her own wellbeing and probably yours as well. Take care.

 

[canary]

Hello @Tweezle and welcome to the forum

Im sorry to say, but your mums reaction is most definitely par for the course.
Your mum will settle but it will take time. It usually takes people a good couple of months to settle. She is not aware of the reality of her situation and is unable to understand why she is in the care home. Everything is different for her, she doesnt know the layout or who the carers are and she is confused and thinks that if she goes home everything will be back the way it used to be.

It wont, of course - she will still be neglecting herself and putting herself at risk of harm. Please dont take her home. She may well end up in hospital with an infection or malnutrition or be involved in a road accident while she is out and if this is fatal you would never forgive yourself.

My mum was doing very similar and ended up in hospital with severe malnutrition and dehydration. I had been pulling my hair out with worry. She spent the first 6 weeks "packing to go home" and demanding to be taken home, but she did settle and became happy. She joined in the activities, made friends and thrived. Near the end she said to me "everyone here loves me" and she was right - they did

I hope your mum has a similar experience
xx

 

[yoy]

Yes, I agree with the posters above - this is a normal reaction. My mum went in due to being unsafe on her own. She had been wanting to go home even when she was in her own home, and it continued in the care home. It has taken her nearly a year and a half to stop asking abouf it.
I have also witnessed new residents coming into the home since mum and doing exactly the same - packing their bags to go home or wandering the corridors looking for home, but they have settled within a few weeks/months.
Rest assured you have done the right thing to keep her safe. It will all just take as long as it takes. Fingers crossed that she settles sooner rather than later.