advice please

[jennifer1967]

hi @Charlie bougie we have to get up early tomorrow as they are coming to do his blood test. then thursday, he goes to men shed and i have a couple of hours off.
good you had the cleaner today but sorry that you can only have them once. could you do it fortnightly or monthly?
mine is so messy and manages to get crumbs following him. hes not a voice fan but will watch britains got talent or strictly as he does like music and i do play it once in a while. all the time when im on my own. i give him credit, that he has helped me today. goodnight

 

[Charlie bougie]

hi @Charlie bougie we have to get up early tomorrow as they are coming to do his blood test. then thursday, he goes to men shed and i have a couple of hours off.
good you had the cleaner today but sorry that you can only have them once. could you do it fortnightly or monthly?
mine is so messy and manages to get crumbs following him. hes not a voice fan but will watch britains got talent or strictly as he does like music and i do play it once in a while. all the time when im on my own. i give him credit, that he has helped me today. goodnight

 

[Charlie bougie]

Hi Jennifer ..Charlie is with me 24/7 . We do everything together. we do visit friends and family which is good he can bend their ear awhile and ask same questions over and over..I appreciate their understanding and socialize. We go to the Dr every 2 months and neurologist. He's doing well on his medicine. He has some near normal episodes. I guess enough blabbing feels good to write it out. I hope you a good night

 

[jennifer1967]

today, he said something really lovely, he said he doesnt know how i manage it all. he is making efforts to help so cant ask for more than to try.

 

[Charlie bougie]

Hey Jennifer that's sweet. We're doing ok went to drug store, did a load of laundry ate a good meal at local diner. Today's been good. He played his drum on the living room end table just happy..I really can't complain about anything just get tired of the same stories. As long as he's calm I'm fine. Glad to hear from you today

 

[jennifer1967]

Hey Jennifer that's sweet. We're doing ok went to drug store, did a load of laundry ate a good meal at local diner. Today's been good. He played his drum on the living room end table just happy..I really can't complain about anything just get tired of the same stories. As long as he's calm I'm fine. Glad to hear from you today

hello @Charlie bougie sounds like youve had a good day and enjoyed his drum playing. i have heard husbands stories loads of times before dementia. ive learnt to zone out a bit. he was a lorry driver so used to being on his own for long periods. he had a blood test today for his diabetes so had a chat with the nurse[phlebotomist for @Jessbow]. i got the wrong word earlier and caused a few smiles.
nice to hear from you.

 

[MaNaAk]

today, he said something really lovely, he said he doesnt know how i manage it all. he is making efforts to help so cant ask for more than to try.

Aww @jennifer1967 I hope it continues.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Aww @jennifer1967 I hope it continues.

MaNaAk

it was just lovely. he said it doesnt go unnoticed. things like this make it all worthwhile.

 

[Charlie bougie]

hello @Charlie bougie sounds like youve had a good day and enjoyed his drum playing. i have heard husbands stories loads of times before dementia. ive learnt to zone out a bit. he was a lorry driver so used to being on his own for long periods. he had a blood test today for his diabetes so had a chat with the nurse[phlebotomist for @Jessbow]. i got the wrong word earlier and caused a few smiles.
nice to hear from you.

 

[Charlie bougie]

Grandkids came this evening Emily ask to interview Charles for class assignment he was very happy. It was about his junior high school years. He did good except when asked about what kind of clothes he wore. He told her up to Jr high he wore overalls then exchanged them for underwear instead of reg. jeans . She had 7 questions. I think when her tape is heard the class will laugh. He didn't know what he said but that's ok. The kids love him and they have fun. I'm so glad he's feeling at ease with them he loves Micah they talked about his gardening.. we had a great day. I hope you all a good night

 

[special 1]

my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?

my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?

Hi there, dont have any advice but my Husband does the same sort of things to me. Regarding touching you I have the same problem too. If my Daughter and I go on about things he will go nuts and punch or whatever. Not easy at all. I to just cry nearly all day. I can go on but it is not about me.

 

[jennifer1967]

Hi there, dont have any advice but my Husband does the same sort of things to me. Regarding touching you I have the same problem too. If my Daughter and I go on about things he will go nuts and punch or whatever. Not easy at all. I to just cry nearly all day. I can go on but it is not about me.

that post was posted 3 yrs ago now. i told my doctor who did a referral to older peoples mental health. they came and assessed him. after a time, they prescribed memantine. hes now on 20mg, the maximum for about 3 years now. the aggression has calmed down although he still has his moments. the touching has calmed down too. if he does reach out, i side step him now so he cant. or move backwards so he cant reach. i also tell him no. its rare for it to happen now.
tell your doctor whats happening and dont be fobbed off. you shouldnt be going through this. if you feel you are in danger, phone the police. they are trained in these things. keep a charged phone on you and go to a room with a lock on the door. you have to shout long and loud but hopefully something gets done

 

[jennifer1967]

hes not well. hes had a cough and bit of a cold. last night he said his legs feel like jelly. he has COPD as well and think hes reacting to the hot weather. doesnt feel well this morning so ive started him on his rescue pack, steroids and anti-bios along with a mild hayfever tablet. hes lying down and feeling sick.
the doctors are not sending down all my meds weekly for the chemist to put them in trays and deliver them once a week. i have weekly scripts. they dont deliver on saturdays so my son has had to pick them up because i finish mine on sunday. i have sent an email to the practice manager to get it sorted out. the worry of that is not helping.
i have emphasized that im an unpaid carer and have to cope with more than enough without having to chase my meds up.
along with it taking 3 weeks to arrange for my sharps box to be collected and to have a new one, my head spins. wouldnt it be lovely for services to actually do something rather than having to nag them to do a proper job.

 

[maggie6445]

hes not well. hes had a cough and bit of a cold. last night he said his legs feel like jelly. he has COPD as well and think hes reacting to the hot weather. doesnt feel well this morning so ive started him on his rescue pack, steroids and anti-bios along with a mild hayfever tablet. hes lying down and feeling sick.
the doctors are not sending down all my meds weekly for the chemist to put them in trays and deliver them once a week. i have weekly scripts. they dont deliver on saturdays so my son has had to pick them up because i finish mine on sunday. i have sent an email to the practice manager to get it sorted out. the worry of that is not helping.
i have emphasized that im an unpaid carer and have to cope with more than enough without having to chase my meds up.
along with it taking 3 weeks to arrange for my sharps box to be collected and to have a new one, my head spins. wouldnt it be lovely for services to actually do something rather than having to nag them to do a proper job.

I agree , Jennifer. My GPs surgery is invariably like the Mary Celeste when you go in. Usually a couple of receptionists sitting in front of computer screens chatting quietly to each other.
I feel like bursting into song ' Busy doing nothing , working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do " sometimes I don't know how I stop myself🤣

 

[jennifer1967]

I agree , Jennifer. My GPs surgery is invariably like the Mary Celeste when you go in. Usually a couple of receptionists sitting in front of computer screens chatting quietly to each other.
I feel like bursting into song ' Busy doing nothing , working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do " sometimes I don't know how I stop myself🤣

i dont go in the surgery as im housebound so its all on the phone. although my husband has gone in there and told them to take their backside off of their seats and do something.

 

[nita]

I hope he is not coming down with something @jennifer1967 . I have been very unwell with broncho-pneumonia and was in hospital for a few days. Still not right - no energy and very slow. I have read that there is whooping cough going round and you can get it even if vaccinated as a baby. I did sound like I had that when I coughed and gasped for breath so I wonder if they misdiagnosed it as bronchitis. Keep an eye on your husband for any fever or worsening symptoms. I had to call 111 in the end as I went to the doctor twice and they thought it was just a cold (URTI). A paramedic and ambulance came out and took me to hospital.

I do hope it's just his usual COPD but to be aware of anything else - as I say some nasty things are going round.

 

[jennifer1967]

I hope he is not coming down with something @jennifer1967 . I have been very unwell with broncho-pneumonia and was in hospital for a few days. Still not right - no energy and very slow. I have read that there is whooping cough going round and you can get it even if vaccinated as a baby. I did sound like I had that when I coughed and gasped for breath so I wonder if they misdiagnosed it as bronchitis. Keep an eye on your husband for any fever or worsening symptoms. I had to call 111 in the end as I went to the doctor twice and they thought it was just a cold (URTI). A paramedic and ambulance came out and took me to hospital.

I do hope it's just his usual COPD but to be aware of anything else - as I say some nasty things are going round.

thats awful @nita glad you are out of hospital. take it slowly. i am keeping an eye on him. he can get infections so easily but he reacts to weather and maybe the air quality is not so good with the hot weather. he only has two speeds dead slow and stop.

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear @jennifer1967,

It's meant to be a lot cooler tomorrow with the possibility of showers further west so maybe your husband will feel better. @nita I'm sorry you haven't been well please try and take it easy. It's taken me most of the week to get my appetite back.

MaNaAk

 

[nita]

What have you had @MaNaAk ? I didn't realise you had been ill as I only come on here sporadically. They asked me if I had COPD or smoked and the answers are negative. I've never had a chest infection before and I hope I never get one again. The struggling to breathe was the worst thing. I really feel for people with asthma and COPD now.

 

[MaNaAk]

What have you had @MaNaAk ? I didn't realise you had been ill as I only come on here sporadically. They asked me if I had COPD or smoked and the answers are negative. I've never had a chest infection before and I hope I never get one again. The struggling to breathe was the worst thing. I really feel for people with asthma and COPD now.

I had a sinus problem but last Saturday I became very nauseous as well and I had trouble keeping food down but I'm okay now. Do you think you caught it from someone @nita?

MaNaAk