Provided I don't speak on a matter which can cause a reaction, life is 'calmish'. I have to think before I speak, but experience reminds me that small variations of conversation can produce a fierce response. I have built up a memory of words or statements that break the peace.
I am afraid that I don’t always follow the rules but then, that’s nothing new from me.
Because he was high functioning, my husband was quite manipulative and I found that tip toeing around him was very frustrating. I worked out when he was just being controlling, and then I would say what I felt. I consider that sort of manipulative and controlling behaviour is a form of bullying which I will not tolerate. He doesn’t like it if I get cross and has mediated his behaviour.
Mostly, I work on just using a conversational tone which is pretty neutral and doesn’t antagonise him.
I think that if a person with dementia can control their behaviour when around others such as in hostess mode then they can mostly choose when to be difficult and when to back off.