1. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Dear all,

    I wonder if other users of this site find it useful to read other people's posts and threads even if they are not at the moment directly useful to their own situation.

    I find it very useful to read how other people have had problems that I might have in the future, or who have found solutions that might help me in the future, or even just posted things that I feel I might just file away in case they are needed at some point.

    Because of this, I tend to read a wide variety of posts from members, and sometimes reply if I think I have something relevant to contrbute (I might not always be as helpful as I think, but my advice can be ignored if it isn't appropriate).

    Does anyone have a problem with this, i.e would you rather people who aren't directly able to assist with your current problem not read your post? Would you rather only get responses from people with absolute solutions rather than just suggestions or messages of support.

    It has been suggested to me that most members do not access a variety of posts, but only those pertinent to their own situation.

    Is that the norm? Does anyone else find it useful to access non-related posts?

    I am beginning to feel that I am odd in this. I just find it useful to read other people's posts, I thought that was one of the purposes of this site.

    Love to you all

  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I don't really know the answer to your question, Margaret, except to say there's no right or wrong way to do this. I suppose if reading certain types of posts upsets one too much (although I'm not sure how you'd know that until you'd read them) then one should perhaps avoid them. Also, if one ends up assuming that everyone who has AD will display all of the possible symptoms then that might be upsetting. But apart from those two things I don't think it matters one way or the other.
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Margret,
    Since joining T.P. I have read and re-read posts. Like you I have replied if in my opinion I have something to say.
    I only hope that, even it it may help one person it has been worth while.
    I have experience of A.D. even before my husband was diagnoise. When it is your loved one, it puts a completely different perspective on it.
    The support that even someone has read and answered, even if it just an acknowledgement to their posting, I feel they are receiving comfort.
    We have so much to learn about the illness and it is only by sharing our personel experiences we as Carers can understand a little bit more.
    I only wish that S.W. Doctors, Nurses read through all the messages set and perhaps then, they may have a better understanding of this hell we go through with our loved ones.
    Wishing you all the best. Christine
    p.s. t the moment, I cannot sleep and am reading other messages.
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    #4 Brucie, Nov 10, 2007
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2007
    Moderator note:

    Just to clarify Margaret's concerns.

    Margaret, you misunderstood a reply I sent to a Private Message you sent me.

    I told you that you did not need to be concerned about the older posts you see when you 'trawl' Talking Point for specific information, should they contain information that is out of date.

    The word 'trawl' is one I used to compare looking for specific information in the same way as a fisherman may trawl the seas for a specific kind of fish.

    The word 'search' could have easily be used. I have read too many Reader's Digest "Towards more picturesque speech" articles, maybe? ;)

    I mentioned that you do a lot of trawling/searching and that most members might not do as much. There is nothing wrong in that, and I was not suggesting any problem.

    Members use TP in different ways at different times. sometimes it is a reference book - hence "trawling", sometimes a sounding board where they ask for opinions.
    It is the main purpose of the site. :)
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Margaret

    Please don't feel that you shouldn't read posts, that's why they are there!

    I tend to read all the day's posts, and reply to them if I have something to contribute, sometimes advice, sometimes just support if that is what is needed.

    Have you found the New Posts button (centre of the green bar at the top of the screen)? This will give you a list of posts since you were last online, and you can choose the ones you are interested in.

    I only use the Search button if I am looking for information on a specific topic, or looking for a thread I remember that might be relevant for someone.

    The problem with replying to old posts is that that is just what they are -- old! The person may have moved on, the situation will have changed, and any reply may not be relevant. So it's always a good idea to check the date on posts before replying.

    Please don't be upset. I know you're having a hard time just now with your mum, so just keep posting, we're always here for you. (Though at the time you usually post I'm usually tucked up in bed!)

  6. 117katie

    117katie Guest

    Dear Margaret

    Like you, I read many posts which are not directly related to my own situation. I read some of them because - and simply because - the title intrigues me; some I read because I think the situation described might be something I will be facing in the future. Often, it is only half-way through reading a post that I realise there are certain areas I haven't even considered. And I learn from other people's contribution.

    But each one of us surely has the right to decide whether we wish to "learn more" from other people's experience regardelss of whether it is directly related to our own or not; or whether we would rather not think in advance of possibly meeting a situation later on. After all, none of us knows for sure what will happen to our own loved ones, and each and every person's experience is different.

    How can any one of us know what is contained within a post unless we read it? There are some that are so directly related to my own experience, that I decide not to reply - the reasons are mine, and only mine. Sometimes it is because I am upset by the new post for the very reason that it is so close to my own situation. Sometimes it is because I don't have anything constructive to add at the time. But I am a relative newcomer to the site, so I may be wrong in my thinking there.

    You do as you wish to do. My feeling is that each and every one of us should decide what is right for us at the time.

    Take care, and keep on reading!
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Hello Margaret,

    Like you, when I started on TP I read just about everything. I responded when I felt I had something useful to say. Sometimes I was just trying to support or encourage a person when he or she seemed really down.

    To this day, I still sometimes trawl (lovely word, Brucie:)) old posts. I wonder when a certain person last posted or I fuzzily remember something & want to refresh my memory. In my opinion, it can only be useful to have as many different points of view as possible.

    When I have posted because of my problems, I am always grateful when people respond. There doesn't have to be a solution offered, good wishes are more than enough for me. You never know when a suggestion you diffidently offer turns out to be a real EUREKA moment for someone else. That has happened to me a couple of times and I am so happy and proud that my suggestions or comments could really help someone.

    Keep reading. It's good for you.

  8. Michele

    Michele Registered User

    Oct 6, 2007
    Hi Margaret,

    The way I see TP, is that we are all in a very similar situation, not all the same, but we all understand what everyone is going through.

    I post threads about my situation and know that I may not get a reply, but I know that people who read it care. I have posted a few replies to people. I may not be able to give the correct answer, but I care about everyone on TP and sometimes just to say that you care can help an awful lot.

    TP is for all of us. It is a special place where we all understand each other.

    Margaret, please keep reading as much as you want, and if you want to reply to a thread, then you do that.

    This is our place, our very own special place.


  9. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    Hi Margaret

    I read absolutely everything practically every day - I respond to very few as I don't think I've got anything to offer most - but where I can offer a tip or an opinion I will have a go.

    Talking Point is where my sister and me have learnt the most about Alzheimers - its OK to read the science but we have needed the practical everyday experiences of others to keep us on the right track with our Mum.

    Just couldn't get by at all without knowing there are others in the same boat and that there are others who feel as we do about coping etc

  10. okmurrays

    okmurrays Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    kelowna, bc, canada
    I have little to offer in the way of experience of Alzheimer's as it's all fairly new to me. I do find reading other people's posts useful in many ways. Firstly, they sort of comfort me, even if they are heartbreaking, in that I know we're not alone. May sound odd, but sometimes it feels like we're the only ones going through this. Secondly, when people respond, even if only to offer support, it does help. We live a long way from my family, and we're new to Canada too, so we don't have a local network of friends yet to turn to. Knowing I can share concerns with people 'who've been there' or are going through the same thing, or ask questions, no matter how dumb (!) is a real comfort.

    Thank you, and long may all the threads continue.
  11. xx.lauren.xx

    xx.lauren.xx Registered User

    Sep 22, 2007
    I agree with you margaret, im only 15 and my uncle has dementia so i have never had any experience of this before and find that reading other peoples posts is briliant. I love to recieve any replies , answers or just words of support and encouragement because being new to all of this it helps a lot to know other people are backing you and its like having a support network here who can pick you up when you are down and support you through difficult times.
    I cant say other peoples opinions jsut that i really apprechiate any replies just having support is great.
    hope you are all well
    lauren xx
  12. harvey

    harvey Registered User

    Aug 10, 2007

    TPA has been a godsend to us. I found it when we first realised that MIL had a problem. We were in a state of shock with her behaviour and accusations. We really did not know who to turn to as she has always been domineering and controlling. We were afraid to approach her doctor in case she found out.

    Having found TP and read through the posts, our story was repeated so many times. It was such a releif to find that we had not imagined it all. So many people have been so supportive and we welcome any advice that comes our way. We came to TP absolutely wrung out with guilt and fear. I try and read new posts every day but do not always have the time to post myself. If reading our experiences helps someone else as we were helped I am only too pleased.

    MIL still seems to be in early stages but can still be hard work at times. She seems to have calmed down a lot, is suddenly very affectionate and sleeps most of the day. We have come to accept that our lives have changes rather than to resent it. TP has helped us to understand how to deal with MIL and by golly a lot of advice from posts has been such a great help. I try and read all posts as I would rather be prepared for what the future holds than flounder around in the dark as we did before discovering TP.

    I worry about other members and get emotional, send up a prayer and sometimes have a giggle. It is like having distant relatives who understand. TP is part of my day now, I hope others can find the comfort from it that I have found.

  13. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    :p There are no dumb questions posted here, just ones to which you haven't got an answer yet.
    Nobody gets 'taught' about dealing with Dementia, we all learn the hard way and TP makes it possible to share possible solutions to some of the problems.
  14. Zooey

    Zooey Registered User


    Can I just say that if you think your behaviour is odd, then there is an awful lot of it going about! It's human nature to look at other threads, even if they are not relevant at the time. I've done plenty of that myself - wondering where things might go with my Mum... how I might cope compared to other people. Please don't beat yourself up over it. I think I know where you might be coming from at the moment as I've started questioning even the little things that I do. I think my husband is worried about my sanity, but the truth is that I'm coping in the only way I know how. I'm sure you are doing the same. The fact is that this place is a great source of support for us both and everyone should use it as they see fit.

    Take care,

  15. okmurrays

    okmurrays Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    kelowna, bc, canada

    You don't know me, I take dumb to a whole new level!

    Seriously, I think this is a wonderful forum, and I have learned an awful lot in a short time, by reading other's posts. Nope, no one has all the answers, but it's a bit like parenthood, you're thrown in at the deep end without a manual, and learn by experience, and talking to others, and flounder through it - or that's how it's been for us so far.
  16. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire

    I am not a fisherman, I don't trawle for a specific fish, I look to see if there are any people in distress that I might be able to give a few kind words to, or to see if there are any situations that I might find myself in in the future. I certainly don't have the time to read Readers Digest or any other literature or watch t.v. The best I manage is radio 4 on the 90 minute drive to and back from work.

    Anyway, I don't really care whether I trawle or not, I have had so many replies from the usual kind people welcoming my support, that I shall continue as before.


  17. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Well, I am very pleased to say that I appear to have joined the "Trawlers Society". There are loads of us, I am delighted to meet you all.

    Phew, what a relief!

  18. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Of course, please do. That was never a problem. :)
  19. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    I always read all new posts but only reply to the ones where I feel I can offer support or by my experiances advice from whats happening to me and mum x
  20. dolly gee

    dolly gee Registered User

    Mar 9, 2007
    Hi margret i have read your post with interest i fou nd the sight at the time i had lost my sister and mum and have concerns myself.but it is great that you find that you can contribute ,we are all helping each other in diferant ways so welcome look forward to your mail [have you read poems yet]take care dolly gee

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