You have been invited to a wedding

[northumbrian_k]

The current debate about the 'Long goodbye' has led me to reflect on how my wife's understanding and perception changed as her dementia developed.

I see that you have been invited to a wedding she said to me one day in an umbraged tone. Why was she not invited? Who was I going with? Why was I not getting ready? The wedding in question was a sequel to Four Weddings and a Funeral, exclusive to Comic Relief night on BBC1 and the 'invitation' was no more than a headline in the Radio Times. Yet she saw it as further proof of the many things that I was doing behind her back.

It is perhaps a trite example, but nevertheless illustrative of how a different rationality affects the way in which a person with dementia sees the world. This is not to belittle or deny that for people with dementia who remain highly aware there is potential for a great deal of hurt if they are confronted with the full facts about their condition.

But that wasn't the case for my wife as she didn't acknowledge that she had dementia. She pitied those who had - and would say so if she saw any mention in the media - but there was nothing wrong with her. Or if there was something wrong it was that she was dying of cancer (the big C was her biggest fear).

What we think may appeal to, annoy, upset or scare the person that we have known so well for so long may be totally wrong once dementia takes hold.

 

[Rosettastone57]

My mother in law never acknowledged her dementia either and would pity others who had this illness. As you say, there was never anything wrong with my mother in law and she became aggressive if there was any suggestion otherwise. This "denial ", I forget the official term for the lack of insight, is one of the hardest things to deal with.