Yet another moan from me


Registered User
May 12, 2005
After asking to see the doctor last week, after being told may be i should not visit dad so often. I've still not managed to catch her yet to tell her about my feelings. Today i took dads sister to see him as she live quite a long way, and i have not been able to go in since friday as i've not been well. I took some small harmless apple pies in, but you would think that i had taken a bomb in. The same nurse that told me not to visit so often, now tells me not to bring him any sweet cakes or anything that is sweet at all as he has had a really stomach for the last four days and apparently its my fault! His manner is getting on my nerves and i don't know how i am keeping my cool with him. I asked him what about the puddings they give him being custard and cake or jelly and ice cream and other sweet puddings, i was told that thats ok as what they give him is good and i should not give him any extras. My brother went on sunday and took him some banannas of which he ate one. Now i thought they were supposed to be good for you!. He has never suffered from a had stomach until he first went into hospital and started taking loads of medication. Anyway i took my little pies home with me and was left again feeling that i had done something wrong yet again.

I've written all my compaints down and will be asking for a meeting with the main care staff there so they can tell me to my face what is there gripes with me. My boxing gloves will be on. I am so fed up with all of this, i think they would be quite happy for me just not to come to see him at all. But they will never get that from me.

Sorry for the moan, thanks for listening



Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
It has been my experience that the only times that brought in food questioned is where the resident is diabetic and where the food may not be appropriate.

Out of interest I've asked in the past at Jan's home for the food menu, which broadly is on a 2 week cycle. You should be able to do the same, and likewise, they should know exactly what he has eaten from that.

Another point is that it is not the role of a nurse to dictate how often you visit, or what you bring along.

Go on the offensive; you have no reason to be defensive - after all he is your Dad!

It is the manager you should be speaking with if you have these concerns. Organ grinder, not monkeys.

Be coolly polite, have all the facts at your fingertips, don't get personal about the nurse, just state what she has said and ask if that is the policy of the home. If the manager says yes, don't just accept it, question that as well!

Always be aware that Dad is in their care after you have left, so always leave amicably.


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Hi Elise
I can well understand your feelings and feelingthat you are doing everything wrong.
I wouldn't go with the boxing gloves the first time,take your list and ask your questions in a polite manner.
One obvious question is what is wrong with Dad's stomach?
If you do not get satifaction ,then put the boxing gloves on.


Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
Food, a great delight

Elise, that is terrible. I know one of the great pleasures I get and one of the few Dad gets is the treats I bring him to eat! I can't imagine the day that the home tells me I am not allowed to feed him anymore!

It was bad enough when I wasn't allowed to give him water any more, he has to eat thickened drinks now. But in this case, I have had to obey because it began to get dangerous with regards to choking to do otherwise.

I've thought about your circumstances and thought about what if it were a fact that the apple pies were affecting your Dad negatively (not that it sounds likely in this case, I think the nurse is just a ...well I won't say it here, but I am sure you have words for it!) :rolleyes: And then I thought, the issue perhaps isn't about the pies...

There are ways to say things and there are ways not to. Had the nurse come to you and said that they were worried because your Dad's stomach has been bad of late and they think maybe its something he's eating and can you think of anything that might be triggering these symptoms? Had you had a conversation with him along the lines of, him saying, "I see that you have brought in pies today, have you ever had any trouble with your Dad eating pies? No. Well thats good it probably isn't them, but as you never know what this disease might do, or how the medication might affect your Dad, would you mind if we just monitored him and then let you know if maybe we need to change something. Then the next time you came in and if he did have problems after eating the pies, they could have told you what had happened and made an alternative suggestion like maybe you could bring him in biscuits without the fruit filling?

Am I right in guessing that might have gone down better? I think this nurse needs some training in people skills. Don't let him get you down.

On a naughty note about good wholesome fruit. I used to take my Dad bananas and grapes on a regular basis thinking they were great healthy things for him to eat. But then Mum kept complaining when she brought him home from respite that the damn nurses there just didn't know how to clean his bum, he always came home with such a nasty chafing rash! I started to think about what grapes and bananas might do to a person when they have a dodgy digestive system and are incontinent...and began to get a sneaking suspicion that my good intentions might be having bad effects....uh-oh! Needless to say, I've decided to leave the supply of 'healthy' food to his home kitchen and now I just take him chocolates and bikkies...funny thing is, he hasn't had a rash since! :eek: