Would telecare help?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by JayGun, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    Hello again lovelies,

    My mother in law had a capacity assessment and needs assessment on Friday.

    They have found that she has capacity and doesn't qualify for any local authority help.

    My problem is that I'm kind of losing my mind with the effort of keeping her safe.

    One of the main things is that she turns up at places very frightened, confused and jumpy, and if somebody speaks to her she might cry and say that she doesn't know what she's doing there, or she might run away in a panic - sometimes into the road.

    All the social services help seemed to be geared towards does she need help to wash or dress or eat - when what my mother in law needs is supervision. She can't cross roads safely, and she walks very bent over. She looks so frightened, frail and vulnerable when she's out alone.

    She's also drawing out about £400 in cash every month and nobody knows where it's going. (We do her shopping and sort out the bills.) I'm worried that somebody is being horrible to her or taking advantage of her.

    Can anybody suggest where we can go from here?
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    This is how our first assessment went. "He can make himself a sandwich? He can be left alone." Only when I called them in a state reporting how he answered the phone and door to strangers getting himself into danger of being defrauded, and in danger of getting lost by wandering off, did they start to listen. I had to be pretty forceful and involve the GP but I didn't let them fob me off a second time. Day care and sitting service plus a tracker via telecare was arranged promptly. You have to tell them that she is a vulnerable adult at risk and they have duty of care. Tell her that you hold them personally responsible if she comes to harm because they ignore her needs. Plus, if you haven't had a carers assessment yet, insist on one. You are entitled to one by law. Then list how the stress of trying to keep her safe is impacting on your health and quality of life. Insist on being assessed for respite. If you don't feel confident enough to deal with them on your own, enlist the help of the Alzheimer's Society, Age UK or the Carers centre. They can act as your advocate and fight your battles for you.

    Best of luck!
  3. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    Thank you so much for replying.

    I have told them that I believe she's being taking advantage of either by post, on the phone or in person, by charities amongst others - but they asked her if she would send money if someone asked her to and she said she wouldn't so that was the end of that!

    Only last week a lady came to the door and said she needed to look around and MIL let her in. I still don't know who that was.

    She has no cash expenses except the window cleaner and buying herself a packet of biscuits etc if she wants to, but she withdraws in cash £5200.00 a year.

    I will take your advice about getting other agencies involved. I was so naive. I didn't think social services could just ignore what I told them and say they think she's fine.

    Literally the same day that the nice social worker fella said MIL was fine a local shopkeeper told me they've been really worried about her and the confused, nervous, jumpy dishevelled state she's in when they've seen her, and we probably shouldn't let her go out on her own any more.

    I'm just so worried.
  4. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Your MIL may be hiding all the money that she withdraws around the house, and forgeting how often she goes to the bank. It seems to be a sort of safety blanket to have a purseful of notes and a back up at home, in some unusual places (bed drawers, bathroom cupboard etc). If we find the money we put all but a bit back in the back, then top up her purse with a small amount every few days so she does not worry about going to the bank.
    If you have POA lodged with her bank you can limit the amount and number of times she can withdraw. She won't like it but it will help keep her money safe.
  5. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    We can't find any secret stashes of cash Pear tree, and we've all had a really good look. She keeps about £150-200 in the house a lot of the time, but recently we bought a new Hoover and she couldn't come up with the £55 to pay for it, despite us laying it on with a trowel that we really did need the money now because we were a bit short.

    Unfortunately my mother in law draws out her regular £100 no matter how overstuffed with cash her purse is. My daughter managed to persuade her to just get £80 this week, but because MIL doesn't understand money or numbers any more she wouldn't believe my daughter that she already had plenty of money.

    We're talking about asking the bank to reduce the amount of money she can draw out, but the £100 amount a bit of a compulsion for her and there'll be ructions. Keeping her calm and content is usually our main priority. It's all so hard, isn't it? :(

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