1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Alison K

    Alison K Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    24
    london
    Dad has his assessment tommorow, I am really worried and cant stop dwelling on the future. Husband tells me to live for each day, am snappy and stressed with kids and its not their fault.i will see Gp on my return I think I need some counselling as I'm a depressive anyway. How do you cope, can cope with my job but because its my own i fall apart. :(HELP:(
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Alison, I'm moving this thread to the main support forum because I think you'll get more input there.

    I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice about depression because the "black dog" is very much evident in my own life at the moment. However, I can say that no, it's not helpful to be told to live for each day, (if you're like me, I know that) and suggest that you've got the right idea about seeing your own GP.
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Alison.

    This is a feeling that attacks us all, and we all cope in our own way.

    Jennifer has agreed with you that saying 'live for each day' may not work for you, and has not for her in the past. But for some that is the only way they cope, without recourse to pills or therapy. Norman's maxim "day by day"

    I think you have given yourself your own best advice however, as you know yourself best:
    I hope you manage to stop yourself falling apart. Horrible place to be.
     
  4. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Dear Alison
    I hope you will see your GP. Managing life when everything is going well is hard enough at times, managing to cope with the practicalities and emotions of losing someone you love to dementia causes enormous stress and can easily lead to depression. Write down details of how you are feeling to show your GP and don't minimise things. I'm sure your husband is trying to be helpful, but you sound as though you need professional help at the moment.
    Take care of yourself as well as everyone else in your family.
    Blue sea
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Just to clarify something: it's not that I don't think one shouldn't live for each day, it's just that on the whole, depressives already know this. It's putting that advice into practice that's difficult :D
     
  6. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Alison,

    How well do I know that feeling...:rolleyes:

    As others have said..we all cope with "depression" differently..and you have already identified that you will see your GP..good!

    I'm learning that the future will happen..whether I worry or not..

    There is a difference between preparation for the future..

    and worrying about it..sometimes our imaginations get the better of us..I think that's when anxiety takes over..

    Try to stand back..forget the fear..and be practical.

    We fall apart when we think it is all down to us..we are doing our best..

    We accept it's not easy..it's wearing, soul destroying and frustrating..I know...

    Our human spirit ..along with support from others in the same boat..will get us through.

    Ask for help along the way..and take it when it's offered..

    Keep in touch..there is a wealth of support here..

    Love gigi xx
     
  7. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Alison
    I am sorry about your dad. The burden of looking after a parent in these circustances is unbelievably heavy. There is no getting away from the fact. We would love to live for the day, but at the back of your mind the terribleness of it all lurks and can creep up and get you and then thats when the depression starts. Somehow we all find a way of coping(or bumbling) in my case. Somethings work better than others and everybody's different. You have to find your own way of managing and coping. There will be something that works for you, you've got to find it. I am fending off depression at the moment, it is a battle, but I try to keep practical and busy and try to accept the emotional stuff. This is much easier said than done of course. One thing I've managed to avoid so far, is controlling depression with medication. I did try counselling and quite frankly, the counsellor could not comprehend the difficulties and trauma that I was going through. Well, that was the impression I got anyway. I didn't go back.
    Dont give up on yourself
    take care
    hendy
     
  8. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    Dear Alison

    I am in your position, whereby I am having counselling. Unfortunately I am only allowed 6 session at one time. I am now on my third lot, but have realised that it is better to face each day as it comes.

    Lucky for me, my counsellor, has indeed worked within the Ad environment. Unfortunately she seems to think that all my problems are associated with AD. NO and NOOOO!

    I just wish that the counsellors would realise that we all have different reasons for seeking counselling.

    I have given up a lovely job, have put on a considerable amount of weight and feel that its all my fault. What can she help me with other than my dada.

    Keep smiling - thats my moto and keep on the website.
    Love andrear
     
  9. Alison K

    Alison K Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    24
    london
    Assessment and one angry dad!!

    Thanks so much for your replies, I was close to tears reading them all. Dad had his assessment and did all his memory tests very well, he then had to have a blood test before going home, a scan for which we are waiting for date and another consultation with the Dr after scan. having successfuly passed his "test" he was told damage is probably due to strokes which seemed to match with info given by his Gp. On leaving the very lovely Dr who treated him gently and with respect, he gleefully announced " we can go home now" and i gently reminded him re blood test which he'd already forgotten! He has moments when he is very lucid and then hes agressive, angry and almost throwing tantrums. I really want him to get and eye check as I think he may have problem with eyes as well. Not sure if made worse by stroke. I notice that from emails a lot of you worry re driving. My dad seems to think a 100 mile + jaunt down M1 to see me will be a doddle as "you don't need to concentrate" I was speechless ( a rare thing ask my hubbie!!) God help those on M1. He then said "as you've stopped me driving" which isnt true as Dr felt tootling round rural Leicestershire may be ok. Hes eaten up with anger, and a lot of this is directed at my aunt (mums sister - mum is dead) who can be a bit of a pain but has been fairly helpful and supportive and is fed up of his wrath against her. I have pointed out it is the disease but it is still hurtful. anyway thank again for your support, and thinking of you all in my thoughts Alison XX:)
     
  10. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Alison

    I think for some people counselling is invaluable and you are already considering it as an option. My contribution is that I wouldn't leave it until it gets too bad. If you feel you could benefit from counselling make enquiries as soon as you can before the depression takes hold. Some GP practices offer counselling but usually only for short periods. Otherwise you can ask the British Counselling Association for a list of practitioners in your area.

    I use TP as my therapy but then I do not suffer from depression.

    Very best wishes

    Helen
     
  11. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Andrear

    You say that fortunately your counsellor has experience of AD but unfortunately she puts everything down to that in your case. Maybe this is because you are only allowed 6 sessions at a time and so only this aspect is focussed on. You might benefit from finding a therapist that can see you for a longer period of time which could then be more focussed on the areas that are not being covered presently.

    Love Helen
     
  12. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Jennifer, what is the "main support forum" please, and how do I find it? I didn't know there was another. What are its benfits over this one?

    Regards

    Margaret
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,731
    Kent
    Margaret, this is the main support forum. The other sections....Tea Roomm, Younger People, Resources, are sub forums.
     
  14. Alison K

    Alison K Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    24
    london
    had lovely evening

    Just to say after updating my blog yesterday, I had friends for dinner lst night 3 of my best girl friends - hubbie went out, lovely meal, champagne and a lot of giggles, lifted spirits. hope eveyone has a mode of escape sometimes. Love Ali:)
     
  15. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Alison

    Glad that you had a good night out. Recognise so much of my Mum in what you say about your Dad. For me I found that if you ahd good friends who would jsut let you offload when you needed, cry when you needed and drag you out to their place for a cuppa on black dog days it helped.

    Chat to your GP and talk. Don't let the feelings fester. My husband although great couldn't stand me going over and over the same things to sort out my head.

    Love

    Mameeskye
     
  16. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Alison and Andrea
    I was so glad to hear that you were able to have a good night with friends. It sounds like this is just the kind of 'medicine' you need. Ken and I manage to have a very active social life. We have to go to some lengths to do it. But it helps me enormously to have a bit of a 'normal' life. It doesn't make the horrid things go away, but it does help you to view them in a different and more accepting light. I have just moved through a 'cloud' but I thinks its passing. We were meant to be going out and I had to force myself to get ready, I just didn't want to go , but I made myself, crying the whole time while getting 'glammed up'(!?!) Once I was out, my mood started to lift and that was the beginning of getting out from under the 'cloud'. I have learnt to recognise when I'm feeling very low, it usually follows a period concentrated amounts of stress. Its taken such a long time to recognise these feelings, but I feel that I can get myself through them now.
    Mameeskye's absolutely right, dont let things fester. let your feelings out, but then try not to dwell and move on.
    take care
    hendy

    ps my sister went into counselling after my dad had a breakdown, she's never been able to cope with the situation since. The only kind of person I would trust with my 'issues' is a fully qualified pyschiatrist or pyschologist who specialises in helping families of sufferers of mental health and dementia and has a sound understanding of long term stress and depression. They dont have anyone like this who does counselling at my GP. Also I wouldn't want to be further stigmatised and have to declare these problems on job applications etc
     
  17. Alison K

    Alison K Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    24
    london
    Update and getting lost On TP!!

    Still finding my way round site and getting lost!! Not the most computer lit person around but hey I do my best. Spoke to dad tonight on phone, he has scan date and has had an eye test which hasnt changed. He was very chirpy about eye test, and he doesnt realise I don't want to stop him driving just worried re him and other road users. He cant grasp its his concentration I worry about. I stressed need to keep brain active, he still hasnt joined local library and despite lectures on oily fish and advantages to brain - he announced he is having fish and chips tommorow. TOO MUCH CHOLESTEROL!! Cant' you tell I'm a nurse. Feeling ok and spending quality time with kids. Love to everyone Ali:)
     

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