Worried and feeling guilty

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Linsey, Dec 29, 2008.

  1. Linsey

    Linsey Registered User

    Nov 23, 2008
    North London
    #1 Linsey, Dec 29, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2008
    Hello,I hope everyone has had as good a Christmas as possible.

    In my last post,I was saying that things had got pretty bad with Arthur and that Rick and i were desperately hoping for some support soon.

    We were given an appointment with the social worker to come for a home visit tomorrow.

    As suggested by Margarita,I gave her a ring today and she confirmed that she would indeed be coming tomorrow with her manager.

    I feel worried because Arthur has been unwell for at least 2 weeks now and is getting thinner and quieter every day.He finished his antibiotics last Friday,and ultimately they didn't seem to have made any difference to what may or may not have been a urine infection.

    I was so worried about him yesterday that I called out a doctor,who was actually very nice and reassuring.She prescribed 5 days worth of a different antibiotic and said not to be too concerned about the carpet burns on his knees and that we were doing the best thing by using an antiseptic cream on them.I feel guilty about his scuffed knees.I know it's not my fault,but I still feel bad.

    I feel doubly guilty and bad because when I spoke to the social worker on the phone earlier,she said that it was inevitable that Arthur would feel depressed and that his dementia would be made worse by having taken him from his home into a strange environment.She doesn't know the history to it all.If Arthur had been safe alone at home in the North,then he could have stayed there,but he was hospitalised with acute delirium and Rick and I were visiting him for 15 days out of the 24 days that he was in hospital.

    Also when I said to the social worker that we felt that the day unit at the hospital had not come up with much support re.Arthur,she said that he had at least got a diagnosis.I said that it was the first i'd heard of it and she said that yes he had been diagnosed with dementia.......duh.Excuse me,but that much is obvious and what's more I have never actually been told that he has dementia before,only that he had scored poorly on the mental tests.

    I suppose what he has actually got doesn't really matter;it's how he is emotionally and I feel that they think that I dragged him down here against his will for my own ends whatever they might be.

    Anyhow,when she comes tomorrow she might turn out to be a great support and help us get some respite while we go on holiday and then look for a more suitable flat for me ,Rick and Dad.

    Rant over.Linseyx<3
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Lindsey - I'm afraid to say that some (not all but some) social workers have absolutely no idea of what's going on with their "clients" when they don't have dementia, let alone when they do. It's quite possible you're picking up on her resentment about having to take Arthur on as a client. On the other hand, she just may have no idea how dementia affects people. Also, some people are far better face to face rather than on the phone - we'll have to hope that this is the case here.

    Good luck for tomorrow.
  3. mica123

    mica123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2008
    Lindsey,your not alone in how you feel about social services,and i apologise to those who are social workers,your not all the same and we know that.I work in a care home and a resident has been deemed nursing care by 2 health professionals,but because they are in the home and have come from another area,eg they lived in wigan and are in a warrington home,no ****** wants to know.All the while they pass the buck,yet if something happens to this resident whilst they contemplate whose in charge of the case,we at the home are liable

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