I have a brother who has POA and shares very little information with me. My mom is a little afraid of him as he shuts her down when she speaks. He gets annoyed quickly and easily when she repeats things. He takes her to doctor appointments, and does not share with me and my other sibling. I keep my distance as he is difficult and controlling. She is almost 89 years old and is very agitated, frequently angry, and suffering in late stage Congestive Heart Failure. Her reasoning is off, she misunderstands and is quick to anger. Most of this is taken out on me, the person who is most in contact and who listens when no one else will. Say this only to point out that perhaps I am an easy target? I have many concerns. Twice now she has been hospitalized for either failing to take, or taking too much of, a drug. I have tried to get in-home care in on a regular basis and she is not having it, as it is public services and she says they are no good and do nothing. During her last hospital stay, they decided she needs in home care now. Then they thought a nursing home for a time. They believe that she cannot be alone. Then (and I know this is an insurance/money issue), they have decided to send her home. She has fallen many times, been to hell and back with surgeries, a stroke, a heart attack, etc..There are too many things to list, but all I can say is that: she is closest to me and says has to hide it with the others as they, both of my siblings told her they don't want to hear it. I listen, but then she will misunderstand me or something and I try to explain myself and to her I am either "lying" or "not caring" or something. All confusing. Then my brother finds out that we have had an argument and blames me via a passive-aggressive email to the entire family saying “she has taken the phone off the hook. Has anyone had an argument with her”? . When I suggest in home care, she yells at me "would you like to have people come into your home, and that the “public” carers are no good. I cannot afford full time private care. I am concerned now because in the past few weeks it is progressing more than before. She does not realize that she is ill with CHF. Family kept this information from her. It was what she had always wanted. She cannot deal with the truth. Then hospital told her that her heart is very bad and her heart rate went off the charts due to her agitation. She is agitated all the time, and they are thinking she needs an anti-depressant. Her doctor is “too busy” to talk to anyone (it is a clinic) and here in the US, they will only just get back to my brother and tell him I have written them what I think. So it is a useless circle. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Brother has POA, takes her to doctors, will not listen. I sent him a letter outlining what I see in her behaviors. No response. He believes, erroneously, that he is doing it all. He takes her to the doctor. But, he does not clean, cook food, shop for all her needs, etc, She has been hospitalized 3 separate times for failing to take her Lasik (water pill) for her heart condition, Another change. She was always medicine compliant in the past. They had to put an alarm on her bed because they told her not to get out of it alone (she had fallen again) and was in hospital. In the past, she was medically compliant. I pointed out both these things to my brother. No response. She is quick to misunderstand, will not listen to reason, becomes angry, slams the phone down and takes it off the hook, which is dangerous because then the alarm around her neck to call for ambulance will not work. I was very careful in my letter not to blame him but to point out the facts. He thinks he, and only he, gets’ it and that the rest of us (siblings) are useless. His words. Or we are stupid. This does not matter, but her well-being and safety do matter. It is not so much about this sibling being who he Is, but rather that he has all the power, and he doesn’t see what I see. She seems to tell him that all is well. He has chastised me on occasion for writing him in the past when she would tell me “she could not breathe”. He would call her and she would tell him she is just fine. I cannot get a diagnosis and I cannot keep her safe. He believes she lies, is manipulative, etc. I believe she is ill and that this is really a huge personality change. The way she behaves now is a 180 degree turn-about from who she "was" all my life: an easy going, caring, loving woman. We always were very close. At times, she is "back again" and has said "you are the only one who understands this", or "don't pay attention to me. It is not you". So sorry for the long rant here. I admit to feeling overwhelmed at this point. If I repeated anything, I am so sorry.