Worried about my grandma who was recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia

[Shoobychoc]

Myself and my my gran are very close, always have been. I started noticing changes and flagged them with a doctor, long story short, she has vascular dementia. She has 6 kids, so of course I told them all. Only one is now trying to help, but I'm worried about who it is she is trying to help.
Since she found out about the diagnosis, my aunty has literally thrust a will form under my grandma's nose and told her to fill it out, filled in the online application for attendance allowance without asking my gran anything and without reading the info first, cornered my gran into agreeing to give my aunty the right to LPA, urging gran to open a new bank account, and various other things. Nothing here seems sinister so allow me to elaborate. My gran is worried she has missed a lot off the will form as she felt pressured to fill it in, also my gran signed it and handed it over for aunty to post, goodness knows what has been added. The attendance allowance came through and my grandma informed her, aunty insisted money was for herself, not my grandma. The bank account, I believe is so she can be there when its opened and gain control. As for the LPA, I am incredibly worried about a aunty having so much power. Everything my gran has agreed to has been under duress. I have offered from the beginning to do every one of these things, but aunty beats me to it as she needs the glory and must have it in her head that gran is going to lose her mental abilities tomorrow. My apologies for the really long thread, and for those still reading, thank you. so it comes down to this, I was advised to speak to adult social services about my concerns and see if there's some safeguarding can be put in place. I am interested in other peoples' opinions and experiences and possibly to be pointed in the right direction please.

 

[canary]

Hello Shoobychoo and welcome to Talking Point.

This is a difficult problem as, you see, if your aunt had come on here saying that her sister had just been diagnosed with Vascular dementia and what should she do, everyone would have advised her to do exactly the things that your aunt has done. We would all have said - make sure that she has an uptodate will and see if you can get her to sign a POA form, and do it quickly because once she has lost capacity its too late. We would have explained about being able to do POA yourself, without a solicitor and the need to register it with the bank and get a POA account. We would also have said that her sister is eligible for Attendance Allowance and, if your aunt isnt yet receiving sate pension then she (your aunt) could be eligible for Carers Allowance too.So you see, on the surface, everything seems to have been done by the book.

How do you know that your mum has done this under duress? People with dementia (PDWs) dont always remember events accurately. When I tried to get my mum to sign for POA she refused and told all her friends that I was trying to steal her money . It is, unfortunately, a very common story that the person with dementia feels like this and in my case I had to go through the Court of Protection which was very costly and took over 6 months (and a lot of paperwork) to sort out.

Could you go and talk to your aunt - not accusatory, just a chat to find out what she has done and what she hopes to achieve? You may find that your aunt has acted in good faith, but if you still have concerns then you can go to Social Services to report a safeguarding concern. Please be aware, though, that you will need actual proof and not just a suspicion before they will take you seriously.

 

[Shoobychoc]

Hello Shoobychoo and welcome to Talking Point.

This is a difficult problem as, you see, if your aunt had come on here saying that her sister had just been diagnosed with Vascular dementia and what should she do, everyone would have advised her to do exactly the things that your aunt has done. We would all have said - make sure that she has an uptodate will and see if you can get her to sign a POA form, and do it quickly because once she has lost capacity its too late. We would have explained about being able to do POA yourself, without a solicitor and the need to register it with the bank and get a POA account. We would also have said that her sister is eligible for Attendance Allowance and, if your aunt isnt yet receiving sate pension then she (your aunt) could be eligible for Carers Allowance too.So you see, on the surface, everything seems to have been done by the book.

How do you know that your mum has done this under duress? People with dementia (PDWs) dont always remember events accurately. When I tried to get my mum to sign for POA she refused and told all her friends that I was trying to steal her money . It is, unfortunately, a very common story that the person with dementia feels like this and in my case I had to go through the Court of Protection which was very costly and took over 6 months (and a lot of paperwork) to sort out.

Could you go and talk to your aunt - not accusatory, just a chat to find out what she has done and what she hopes to achieve? You may find that your aunt has acted in good faith, but if you still have concerns then you can go to Social Services to report a safeguarding concern. Please be aware, though, that you will need actual proof and not just a suspicion before they will take you seriously.

My gran is very early onset, scan just showing the beginning. I trust everything my gran has told me as I know her inside out, and I also know my aunt. Everything she has said is about money. Insisting the AA payment is for her after turning down the opportunity to be carer. My gran has since asked me. Other than forgetting the odd word here and there, my gran still has full capacity. I have had run ins with my aunt about my gran before. She also told my gran "not to open her mouth" to me about anything, despite her coming to me and asking for my help. my gran has also been fooled by my aunt before when she got her bereavement money, aunt did online transfer of it without disclosing the amount she took. only paid it back when cornered about it. My gran comes to me and tells me everything, she is a very open person and has never hidden her feelings. I dont think I can sit back and watch my aunt take advantage of my gran simply because my gran is scares of how my aunt will react. I might just ring social services and tell them my concerns and see if they feel she needs more Support and go from there. Thank you for replying.

 

[canary]

Sorry, Ive just realised that I was thinking that it was your mum and it isnt, its your gran. My apologies.
Yes go to Social Services, but I must warn you that they may not think that you have enough evidence and not be interested. Do keep being involved with your gran so that you can keep an eye on what is going on.

 

[Pickles53]

It is a very difficult situation, but if your grandma still has, as you say, full capacity, then she is entitled to make her own decisions, even if they don't appear to be sensible ones. She can also change her mind. You could support her to do that.

If she has granted an LPA to your aunt and now is unhappy about that, or about the will, then if she has capacity she could revoke the LPA, make a new one, and make a new will. It might be sensible to involve an independent solicitor in these circumstances as your aunt may dispute your grandma's' capacity to change things.

 

[Shoobychoc]

Sorry, Ive just realised that I was thinking that it was your mum and it isnt, its your gran. My apologies.
Yes go to Social Services, but I must warn you that they may not think that you have enough evidence and not be interested. Do keep being involved with your gran so that you can keep an eye on what is going on.

That's OK lol. Thank you for your advice x