Worried about my Dad

[skidders1305]

Hi,

I am looking for some advice and support on what I can do to help my parents. My Dad is 70 years old and has changed significantly over the last four/five years. He used to be a busy strong man, which a sharp sense of humour working all the hours he could even up to when he retired. He would never shy away from work of any sort.

In October 2009, aged 65, he had his first seizure and as a result was unable to drive. For a year after my Mum would support him taking him to suppliers / jobs etc and I remember even then his confidence suffered in that his rapport with people changed and he started to slowly withdraw. He was also angry as losing his licence meant he lost his independence, I truly believe he would still be working now if it weren't for this. If only to get away from Mum nagging ;0).

In December 2010 they moved to the south coast as the stress of Mum driving Dad around was taking its toll. Since then he has become the shell of the man he used to be, left to his own devices he would spend all day watching the television and not move apart from to make a cup of tea or a sandwich. In part that is a bit unfair he does mow the lawn because he enjoys it but he has no interest in much else in reality.

I have also found that while I can hold a sensible conversation with him most of the time, there are times when he completely loses the thread. I notice that he realises this and almost recoils. I don't want to pigeon hole him but I do want to help in the right way as if I don't step in I fear my for my Mum and Dad's relationship.

Mum is struggling with Dad's behaviour and is so angry, she is always nagging or shouting at him, their home is not a place I enjoy going to so much anymore. It is getting my Mum down now as without her prompting he would not even shower day to day. I am not sure that Mum's approach is helping but I do understand that her anger is in part losing the man she loved and him not being there for her when she needs him most.

Mum and Dad are also struggling with the news that their daughter, my younger sister, is dying of cancer. Her situation is terminal and the cancer has metastasised to too many places to cure. We know within the next year or less we will lose her.

I want to help alleviate the pressure and help Dad and Mum to manage the situation as best we can.

Sorry for such a lengthy post.

I think I am just looking for some helpful advice so I can manage the situation.

Thanks in advance

 

[starryuk]

Welcome to TP, Skidders.

I am very sorry to read about your poor sister and the problems your parents are having. What a worry for you.

When I began reading your post, I was wondering if your dad was suffering from depression. You mention seizures, too. Does your dad have epilepsy?

It might be helpful if your mum were to go to her GP to talk things over. Perhaps she has done this? Alert the GP to her husband's problems. The GP can then call your dad in on some pretext and assess the situation. It sounds as if you are not sure that your dad is developing dementia/AD. There could be several reasons for his problems and you need to eliminate those possibilities first, I think.

 

[skidders1305]

Thank you for taking the time to respond, yes not the best situation for any of us.

Yes Dad suffers from night time seizures, not loads maybe 3 or 4 a year. His deterioration definitely stems from the consequences of this and I would do anything to get the old him back or at least enjoying life again.

The only time I saw a glimpse of my old Dad was when he was mucking around with my step-son, so his old personality must be in there somewhere.

I will endeavour to get my Mum to get him to the doctors, or maybe I should take him. Unfortunately she has become so disillusioned that her approach is always reproachful attack, but understandable given she is so desperately sad right now too.

Thanks again