Hello
New to the forum and after some advice after a seriously upsetting incident with my mum yesterday.
For the last couple of years, we've noticed that things haven't exactly been 'right' with her- forgetting common words, not being able to follow conversations, losing things, great concern over money, confusion over dates etc.
On top of this, she's drinking too much wine. A glass or two at night has turned into a bottle or two over the course of the day.
I think there were two significant episodes of stress that brought about a change in her- having a breast removed due to cancer (she bounced back almost too quickly) and her 94 year old (rather mean) mother moving to a care home close to her and mum feeling more stress/ pressure to look after her.
However, any vocalisation of our concerns were met with deaf ears and a significant amount of anger about how wrong we are and how all their friends think she's great!
Even her partner wouldn't admit there was a problem at first but is finding it hard to deal with her mood swings and increasing anger towards him.
And, whilst we've been very concerned and saddened, we've coped. But something happened this weekend that's taken her to another level and I'd love to know from others how 'normal' this is.
She came to stay at my house in London (she lives in Norfolk) and my sister came to stay and on Saturday evening and Sunday lunch, we got together with my dad/ her first husband- they are still friendly despite divorcing over 30 years ago.
We mostly had a lovely time- except for us all trying after lunch on the Sunday to persuade her to see a doctor- which she didn't take kindly too and she went straight to bed and sleep around 5pm. She even drank less than normal, as we had some control.
On Monday morning I was due to take her to the station for a 9am train and I could tell she was getting a bit concerned about the arrangements (she's always been a nervous traveller), so I wrote her a note explaining that I'd set my alarm for 6.30 and wake her up, and we'd both get a taxi together at 7.30 with plenty of time for her 9am train.
I was expecting her to wake before 6.30 but what I wasn't prepared for was a 3am wake up with her fully dressed, panicking about missing the train. I told her to go back to sleep but she came back in at 5am and couldn't understand the time or plans. I got up at this point and decided my only option was to go with it and treat her almost as a child. And whilst that helped, the whole day she couldn't understand anything- why we were traveling, where her partner was, she even ended up calling me by her partner's daughters name for most of the afternoon, and talking about another person in the house who wasn't there!
I got her partner onside and we booked her a doctors appointment for 4pm and decided that we'd pretend it was for me but get her in the room too and flip it over to her. However, it transpired that she'd drunk at least 3/4 bottle of wine from 11am and by 4pm was dead to the world.
We tried to wake her but to no avail and so I went to speak to the doctor instead. (He's coming for a house visit this afternoon which her partner and I are very concerned about because she will be so angry- although luckily the doctor is happy to go along with a story of my elder sister calling him to book it for both my mum and her partner as I said to her that I was concerned about them both).
Aside from us waking her to try and fail to make her have some dinner with us (it didn't work, she thought it was breakfast and stormed around the house in her knickers telling us to be quiet) she slept for 15 hours until 6am this morning.
She's a little better today- she at least recognises me but still quite agitated. She was very keen to know when I was leaving as they have friends coming Thursday! (So I have gone home now rather than wait until after the doctor visits as planned.) And she's still muddled over plans, dates, money etc.
So my questions, and apology for the essay to get here:
- Do these seem like normal signs of Alzheimer's/ dementia to others?
- Is that very rapid deterioration normal? And do we just need to control it by her not travelling/ getting her into a routine?
- I'm so concerned about her poor partner who is in his mid-80s and not in the best health himself. What support can I get for him?
- What should I do if she has another really bad episode?
I know the doctor is coming round but chatting yesterday he seemed to focus most on the drinking, which definitely is an issue but perhaps not the primary one.
And I'm so sad, she's been an amazing mum and I sort of feel like I've lost her.
Any help is hugely appreciated, thank you x
New to the forum and after some advice after a seriously upsetting incident with my mum yesterday.
For the last couple of years, we've noticed that things haven't exactly been 'right' with her- forgetting common words, not being able to follow conversations, losing things, great concern over money, confusion over dates etc.
On top of this, she's drinking too much wine. A glass or two at night has turned into a bottle or two over the course of the day.
I think there were two significant episodes of stress that brought about a change in her- having a breast removed due to cancer (she bounced back almost too quickly) and her 94 year old (rather mean) mother moving to a care home close to her and mum feeling more stress/ pressure to look after her.
However, any vocalisation of our concerns were met with deaf ears and a significant amount of anger about how wrong we are and how all their friends think she's great!
Even her partner wouldn't admit there was a problem at first but is finding it hard to deal with her mood swings and increasing anger towards him.
And, whilst we've been very concerned and saddened, we've coped. But something happened this weekend that's taken her to another level and I'd love to know from others how 'normal' this is.
She came to stay at my house in London (she lives in Norfolk) and my sister came to stay and on Saturday evening and Sunday lunch, we got together with my dad/ her first husband- they are still friendly despite divorcing over 30 years ago.
We mostly had a lovely time- except for us all trying after lunch on the Sunday to persuade her to see a doctor- which she didn't take kindly too and she went straight to bed and sleep around 5pm. She even drank less than normal, as we had some control.
On Monday morning I was due to take her to the station for a 9am train and I could tell she was getting a bit concerned about the arrangements (she's always been a nervous traveller), so I wrote her a note explaining that I'd set my alarm for 6.30 and wake her up, and we'd both get a taxi together at 7.30 with plenty of time for her 9am train.
I was expecting her to wake before 6.30 but what I wasn't prepared for was a 3am wake up with her fully dressed, panicking about missing the train. I told her to go back to sleep but she came back in at 5am and couldn't understand the time or plans. I got up at this point and decided my only option was to go with it and treat her almost as a child. And whilst that helped, the whole day she couldn't understand anything- why we were traveling, where her partner was, she even ended up calling me by her partner's daughters name for most of the afternoon, and talking about another person in the house who wasn't there!
I got her partner onside and we booked her a doctors appointment for 4pm and decided that we'd pretend it was for me but get her in the room too and flip it over to her. However, it transpired that she'd drunk at least 3/4 bottle of wine from 11am and by 4pm was dead to the world.
We tried to wake her but to no avail and so I went to speak to the doctor instead. (He's coming for a house visit this afternoon which her partner and I are very concerned about because she will be so angry- although luckily the doctor is happy to go along with a story of my elder sister calling him to book it for both my mum and her partner as I said to her that I was concerned about them both).
Aside from us waking her to try and fail to make her have some dinner with us (it didn't work, she thought it was breakfast and stormed around the house in her knickers telling us to be quiet) she slept for 15 hours until 6am this morning.
She's a little better today- she at least recognises me but still quite agitated. She was very keen to know when I was leaving as they have friends coming Thursday! (So I have gone home now rather than wait until after the doctor visits as planned.) And she's still muddled over plans, dates, money etc.
So my questions, and apology for the essay to get here:
- Do these seem like normal signs of Alzheimer's/ dementia to others?
- Is that very rapid deterioration normal? And do we just need to control it by her not travelling/ getting her into a routine?
- I'm so concerned about her poor partner who is in his mid-80s and not in the best health himself. What support can I get for him?
- What should I do if she has another really bad episode?
I know the doctor is coming round but chatting yesterday he seemed to focus most on the drinking, which definitely is an issue but perhaps not the primary one.
And I'm so sad, she's been an amazing mum and I sort of feel like I've lost her.
Any help is hugely appreciated, thank you x