So dad, 82, seems to be getting worse, words are very jumbled and getting quite angry some evenings and mum, 86, is really struggling. We're still waiting on an appointment at the memory clinic which I'll chase tomorrow. But I go away on holiday in a couple of weeks and I think the reality of that is dawning in mum. I've got as much in place as I can, my cousin and a friend will pop in, take them out etc. And I've just found out that their cleaner does private care and will come in for an hour or so each evening just to check all is OK. Dad doesn't need help dressing, washing etc, it's just the confusion and anger. I've tried to get mum to call the doctor and say how she feels but she's just worried they'll put her on anti depressants but I'm so worried she will have a break down. Her mobility isn't great and she gets scared with dad sometimes. I have been trying to not increase how much I am at their house before I go so that she's not too reliant o me but feel so guilty when she's tearful. Just don't know how long she can do this for and what the next steps are. Just feel like there is no clear path of help
Worried about mum caring for dad
- Thread starter Coco23
- Start date
You say that your mum is sometimes scared of your dad. Have you reminded her to keep her mobile phone on her at all times (eg cardigan pocket) so that she will always be able to phone for help if she needs to? Also, is there a lockable room in the property where she can go to be safe if she’s scared?
You could ask social services to carry out a care needs assessment for your dad and a carers assessment for your mum - my mum was in a similar situation to yours and she took the recommendations and advice far better from someone in authority. She was offered respite for dad and put in contact with all sorts of different agencies and it made a real difference to them both. We were able to keep Dad at home much longer than I initially thought and he took to all the extra support quite well, despite the fact that he still denies there is anything wrong with him (sigh!).
Try to enjoy your holiday, you are no good to your parents if you are worried and stressed yourself - easier said than done, I know! If you can get someone to check in with your parents while you’re away that could be helpful but tell them not to contact you until you get back from holiday!! Good luck x
Try to enjoy your holiday, you are no good to your parents if you are worried and stressed yourself - easier said than done, I know! If you can get someone to check in with your parents while you’re away that could be helpful but tell them not to contact you until you get back from holiday!! Good luck x
Thank you both. Mum is getting better at using her mobile and keeping it with her. I think it's just the time to get a diagnosis - into July before we even see the memory clinic apparently! I know that doesn't fix things but at least we'd know if there were any drugs that might calm him down a bit.
Rayreadynow
Registered User
Just request 1) a needs assessment for your Dad and 2) a carers assessment for your Mum from the local council. Don't expect immediate action from the council because the request will be put on a waiting list. You could even do it before you go on your holidays.
When a needs assessment is done the council should generate a care plan from the needs assessment which you should be able to use to get quotes from different care providers.
But I think I am correct in saying that if you want the councils input your parents have to agree to a financial assessment.
When a needs assessment is done the council should generate a care plan from the needs assessment which you should be able to use to get quotes from different care providers.
But I think I am correct in saying that if you want the councils input your parents have to agree to a financial assessment.
Yes thank you that's this mornings job! And to phone around about respite as mum can't continue like this, yesterday was another awful afternoon for her. Amazed how patient people are with their OH/parents on this forum as I have pretty much zero patience with the whole damn thing
Rayreadynow
Registered User
Patience will come in short bursts at the beginning.
maggie6445
Registered User
We are not al! as patient as we want to be or like to think we are!
At 5 am , doing a bed change for oh , i asked him to remove his wet vest which he didn't . After 15 mins I lost my cool , got a pair of scissors and cut the darn vest off. OH looked surprised and asked me why I'd done it!! Tired and fed up of asking was my reply.
At least he got his dry clothes on and we went back to bed
