Working wife

[milliethepink]

I need to work and I am a teacher. My husband has been having carers visiting for a few months, but it is only now, I am on summer holiday, that I have found out how inadequate this is.
They visit after I have left for about 15 minutes and try to get him up, dressed and washed. They mostly fail. He doesn't know who they are, sometimes does not want to get up, and is not happy with being shouted at. They visit at lunch for 15-20 minutes and I find the sandwiches down the toilet or in a drawer when I get home.
He has been found in the road, sometimes without clothes.
They report back that he is aggressive and difficult; with me is co-operative for important things - meds and dress and sleep. But I can't stay home.
I had a very good neighbour but she now has a job. I had a lodger but she is now working all hours. Social Services seem to think this is OK.

 

[1954]

He is at risk as a vulnerable adult if he is walking outside naked. I have just spent hours on the phone to social services in tears. Tell them you are desperate for help, cry and don't give up, make a nuisance of yourself. Do you think he is needing respite? Or even a CH?

None of this maybe of any help but hopefully others will come with other suggestions

Take care

x

 

[1954]

Oh I forgot, welcome to TP x

 

[Izzy]

Can you have an official reassessment of your husbands needs. It certainly sounds as if he needs much more care than he's currently getting.

I can understand your difficulties. I was a headteacher until I retired in January. I could not have continued with my job without the care package we have. I use direct payments and organise the Carers myself with the support of Dundee Carers Centre (Princess Royal Trust for Carers). With this I have the same Carers Monday to Friday and Bill has got to know them. I don't take careers at the weekend.

I would write down all of your concerns and ether email orcsndcthem to the SW department. Emphasise that your husband is a vulnerable adult and is at risk when you are not there.

I do hope you can get something sorted out while you are on holiday.

Take care. x

 

[garnuft]

I would contact your husband's care co-ordinator/social worker/social services and ask for an emergency care review, you haven't got long before you have to be back at work and something needs to be sorted out.

Would you accept your husband going into care if that is the answer?

Best to know what you want to happen, decide what is wishful thinking and what is achievable.
So very hard for you.
I wish you luck and hope you manage to get something organised that is better than the present situation.

 

[seaurchin]

Hi, we have a similar arrangement to Izzy and I employ the same two carers to sit with my husband so I can work mon to fri. They are great and my husband is very settled with them. Your current arrangement doesn't sound enough and it might be worth seeking direct payments. Best of luck xx

 

[milliethepink]

Wow! Thank you all so much for your ideas. Yes, very helpful - assessment and direct payment - now I have a plan. I feel much better about it too.

 

[Izzy]

That's good. Just realised I didn't even say welcome! So - welcome to TP!!

 

[SnowLeopard17]

I agree with the comments above and that a care assessment is required.

We are currently on our third care agency. The first two just did not have the staff with appropriate dementia training to 'care' for my husband adequately. We have now found an agency who have been superb, they are part of a franchise and were recommended by Admiral Nurses. If you want more details please let me know and I can PM you with the name and you can check if they are represented in your area.

Wishing you and your husband well and hope you get something sorted.

Snow Leopard, with love x