Consultant called me today to say she believes my OH has dementia, she did say however that without further tests it’s difficult to determine problem being there is no way that my OH will return to the assessment centre after her experience of it yesterday. Today is the first time I cried, think I’m now in a bit of denial….I question it all. Was I right to push for an assessment, does my OH have dementia or not, am I kidding myself on….Im feeling a little bit broken tonight 😢
Words from OH’s consultant
- Thread starter wenrho
- Start date
I`m so sorry @wenrho. Don`t be broken. You must have had grave concerns to set the ball rolling and seek advice.
The early stages are so difficult because there are phases of confusion and phases of complete clarity which cause confusion for you.
I lost count of the number of appointments my husband cancelled, and the times I phoned in tears to make my apologies. Little did I know the doctors were quite used to this and quite accepting, telling me not to worry but to make another appointment when I thought there was a chance my husband would keep it.
The early stages are so difficult because there are phases of confusion and phases of complete clarity which cause confusion for you.
I lost count of the number of appointments my husband cancelled, and the times I phoned in tears to make my apologies. Little did I know the doctors were quite used to this and quite accepting, telling me not to worry but to make another appointment when I thought there was a chance my husband would keep it.
I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with a potential dementia diagnosis but am glad you have taken the step to post on here and so get support.
It seems that the dementia result was inconclusive but you wouldn't have asked for the diagnosis if you didn't have concerns. The state of shock will pass but allow yourself some time to let it sink in. Time will tell if he? really has dementia but if so the inevitable decline can be quite slow so you have time. A diagnosis does not change things except that medication will be offered.
I suggest that you deal with things on a day to day basis - is he managing ok even if differently from before - if not is there anything you can do to help manage any problems. Seek advice about specific worries by posting here - you will find a lot of information and ideas. Even if dementia turns out not to be the issue think about putting Power of Attorney in place if you can - suggest it as something everyone should do to avoid problems and costs later in life and do it for yourself as well if that helps him to agree.
The upsides of supporting someone with dementia are that you will find out how kind and supportive people are and that you will hopefully focus on making the best of your life together. The best advice I can give is don't sweat the small stuff - if a peculiar behaviour is not harmful to anyone don't worry about it. Easier said than done but makes life easier. Also look after yourself as well as much as him - try to keep time for yourself from the start so he is used to being without you at times.
My Oh and I have had some good times in the 4 years since diagnosis - hopefully you will too.
It seems that the dementia result was inconclusive but you wouldn't have asked for the diagnosis if you didn't have concerns. The state of shock will pass but allow yourself some time to let it sink in. Time will tell if he? really has dementia but if so the inevitable decline can be quite slow so you have time. A diagnosis does not change things except that medication will be offered.
I suggest that you deal with things on a day to day basis - is he managing ok even if differently from before - if not is there anything you can do to help manage any problems. Seek advice about specific worries by posting here - you will find a lot of information and ideas. Even if dementia turns out not to be the issue think about putting Power of Attorney in place if you can - suggest it as something everyone should do to avoid problems and costs later in life and do it for yourself as well if that helps him to agree.
The upsides of supporting someone with dementia are that you will find out how kind and supportive people are and that you will hopefully focus on making the best of your life together. The best advice I can give is don't sweat the small stuff - if a peculiar behaviour is not harmful to anyone don't worry about it. Easier said than done but makes life easier. Also look after yourself as well as much as him - try to keep time for yourself from the start so he is used to being without you at times.
My Oh and I have had some good times in the 4 years since diagnosis - hopefully you will too.
That is such kind words and already being on this forum I feel so much support from everyone. Thankfully we put in LPOA for each other a couple of years ago (my OH is a female)….already we are planning a couple of trips to Denmark and Switzerland as these are places she has always wanted to go to so we are doing it as I want to make sure we capture every moment together. Thank you again I honestly feel the ❤️ from everyone on this forum.
Your words make me feel stronger and it’s a saving Grace I now have this forum. Thank you x
