1. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Hello everyone, sorry I haven't been on here for a while.

    My Grandad has deteriorated a lot since I was last on here. He's been confirmed with have having demetia with lewy body's and is no longer on any meds. Nan - bless her is struggling as Grandad can no longer be left alone. Grandad now has carers in the morning to get him washed and dressed and we have social services on side assesing his needs.

    Nan really needs a break and we finally have got a place for Grandad at day care once a week. Only problem is that he refuses to go. When the letter came through he got very agitated, he kept trying to use the phone to cancel it and was stomping around screwing the letter up!! My poor Nan was really upset.

    What can we do?? Nan really needs the break but he refuses to go?

    L xx
     
  2. Rosalind

    Rosalind Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    203
    Wiltshire
    I have been through very similar scenario with my husband. When first diagnosed with vascular dementia it was suggested he attend a club that others have really hugely enjoyed, but he made the most almighty fuss and said all the other people were nuts and he would not go. He is now much worse, and earlier this year went into respite care for a week because I had to go away, and knew he was going in advance and got into the most dreadful state of anxiety. And he hated his stay, which I can't say surprised me as it was in a rather grim place, although the staff were kind the other residents were pretty close to falling off the perch, which he is not.
    But do not despair, as the CPN suggested another place which can go for respite stays, but also does daycare. He went for the first time this week, and we did not tell him in advance. He gets visits from a befriender, who is brilliant at handling him, who just said he needed to go into town, so scooped husband up, took him to the place, and said I would collect him at 4. When I did (very nervous in case we had action replay of previous attempt) he was absolutely fine and had had a nice day. I know it seems hard to be economical with the truth, but believe me it so reduced the stress, and ended OK. So try to get someone to take him, and don't mention it in advance. The people running daycare know how to handle their clientele, and who knows, he might enjoy it too.
     
  3. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Thanks Rosalind,

    Well my Nan and my Dad went to visit the daycare on their own first to suss it out and they both said it is really nice. The staff admitted that the men are the worst!

    We might suggest trying to take him there for a visit and then leaving him there but what do they do with him if he kicks off and tries to walk out???!!!!

    It's really hard isn't it trying to be imaginative and economical with the truth!! My Grandad never has been a really sociable sort of person so daycare wouldn't really be his cup of tea!! But Nan needs the break and I'm sorry to say her well-being is more important at the moment.
     
  4. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    When I found a day care for my Mom , she did not want to go. We told her it was a social gathering and just took her. Surprisingly, she loved it and called it her day out. I think you do just have to take them. I don't know if you have children or not but when my daughter was 3 years old and I put her in a Day Out program she made quite a fuss at being left. If I hid around the corner and peeked in, the moment I was out of sight she turned her attention to what was going on and was having a good time. All the fuss was for my attention and because she wanted to get her way. Not much different with AD folks.
    Good luck and let us know how it goes.
    Debbie
     
  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Maybe you and your nan don't need to be "sorry" that her well being is more important. Grandad may be ill, but it doesn't give him the right to have everything his way all of the time. I think we tend to think that because someone is ill we have to give them everything they want ......... but it's not realistic :eek:
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,658
    Kent
    Day Care

    When Day Care was suggested for my Mother, she was very resistant.

    Believe it or not, the first day, she ran away. A nurse was coming on duty, Mother was at the door and she said `It`s all right. I`m a visitor. You can let me out`. She was so convincing, the nurse let her go. It`s too long a story to tell you the antics we went through before we found her but all I can say is we found her at home.

    The second time she went, I got permission to spend the day with her. I began by her side but edged away gradually through the day, until she forgot about me and quite enjoyed herself. It was a difficult day for me, but worth it, as she then went by herself. There were no more mishaps as all the staff were aware of her tricks.

    When the time comes for my Husband to go, I know I`ll have big problems. He has never been able to make friends easily and is really anti-social. If anyone has any bright ideas how people like him can be a] prepared and b] introduced to Day Care, I`ll be eternally grateful.

    Thanks Grannie G
     
  7. Rosalind

    Rosalind Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    203
    Wiltshire
    Grannie G, I'm sure the day care centre would have recommendations on preparation, and could also be reassuring about what they would try to get your husband to do when there. They would not expect him to be life and soul if that is not his nature, but it might help if they were told about what he has enjoyed doing in the past, or what work he did.
     
  8. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Hi all,

    Well we've had a really traumatic day at Nan and Grandad's today. My Mum and I arrived to find Grandad on the sofa and Nan crying in the garden. Apparantly she had dozed off and Grandad had walked out the front door, over the main road nearly being run over and was at the bus stop!! A neighbour luckily spotted him and came to tell Nan.

    To make matters worse, yesterday Nan tried to talk to Grandad about daycare again and he got so angry that Nan thought he was going to hit her!! I feel so helpless.

    We've decided that we're going to ask the day centre if Nan can go too for a few weeks so hopefully Grandad won't mind going. We've just got to work out how to get him there without kicking up a fuss!

    Sorry for rambling but I'm just so sad for my Nan as she is shattered and stressed.
     
  9. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya,
    Oh it is so scarey when our loved one 'escapes' - your poor nan. But they are both safe and well; maybe doors will have to be kept locked from now on.
    Would it be possible for someone else to go along with nan and grandad to the daycare, just to give nan some support. What about the possibility of getting a carer in, and nan going out (are you nearby? Is there somewhere she could relax?)
    It must help nan knowing that she has your love and support.
    Love Helen
     
  10. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    I said to Nan about the door's being locked but there is a problem. Nan and Grandad signed up for the "lifeline" service where they have the emergency pushbutton and a warden visit once a week. As part of that they had to have special locks so the lifeline people can get in in an emergency. The locks on the inside are just those round handles that twist round so there is no key lock on the inside!!

    Frustrating isn't the word!!!!:mad:

    Also the reason Nan wanted daycare and not a sitter was so that if she wanted to just chill out at home or take a nap she could - oh well, that's just another problem to add to the list:rolleyes:
     
  11. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Grandaughter,
    I understand nan wanting to chill out at home - dad was the same - but sometimes you just have to take what you can get at the time. Maybelater grandad will be more amenable to daycare.
    Love Helen
     

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