1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Wonder how this will work???

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by lizzybean, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    My MILs sister is going to have her for 3 nights over Christmas & I have no idea what is going to happen. She may absolutely love it & there be a massive backlash when she has to go home or she may fret & want to go home straight away.
    Her sister lost her husband 6 weeks ago & as she cannot settle in the evening because of MILs constant phone calls, I think she thought that she would be company.
    We (1st time ever since I got married that I am not doing Christmas dinner!!) are going to my daus this year & MIL & her sister are coming too (as I have had MIL for the last 19 years & her sister & late husband for the last 10 years)
    So that might be tough for her anyway, there are only going to be 8 of us but it will probably be too many people for her to deal with. As the day wears on she will get more confused as she tires.
    We are only 10 minutes from where her sister lives so if she can't settle we can always go & get her.

    I don't even know what I am babbling about, just loads of possibilities running through my head constantly. I thought it was a good idea at first, now I see trouble ahead...
     
  2. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    It's hard not to but try not to focus on what ifs. Could your sister not return your mum home and settle her? If it comes to that of course. I'm not sure if mum can be left alone but at this stage, hard to believe it was only last year, we let dad go home and sit with the comfort of his tv as he found it too much to be with my (loud!) family.
    I hope you get a lovely break though! I've cooked for the last 22 years, long for my kids to be old enough to have me over!!
     
  3. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    It's not my sister she is staying with, it's her 87 year old sister! You are fight tho about what ifs!
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,212
    Merseyside
    It sounds like you're prepared for the worst Lizzy. Just try to enjoy your time with your gorgeous grandson.
     
  5. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    Thanks Cat , I have every intention of trying to do that.
     
  6. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    MILs sister went to see her this morning & obviously talked about the arrangements for Christmas & when I phoned her at 11.30 she was very anxious. She wanted to know why she couldn't go home on Christmas day. She was OK spending one night there but wasn't keen on anything longer that that. She was so insistent that I said if that's what she wanted then she could do it. She said that she preferred it on her own, quiet in her own home & bed. The thing is she doesn't or at least she didn't?!? She craves company, hates the "long" evenings when she is alone.

    I can only wait & see how it pans out.....
     
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,296
    SW London
    Maybe she wouldn't want to, or it's not possible, but I can't help thinking it would be better for her sister to go to her. Being away from the familiarity of home is so often the cause of confusion and agitation or fretfulness.
    Having said that, whatever happens in the end I do hope it all goes reasonably smoothly and happily.
     
  8. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    You are right Witzend, it would be better the other way round & MIL has more room. However the sister offered & she will be cooking etc on Boxing Day so she is happier in her own kitchen which I fully understand.
    Like I said in a previous post, sisters house is 10 mins away from us & MILs 10 mins away from her sisters so there is no real problem of us getting her home if needs be. Just as long as it is not in the middle of the night or after a glass or 2! Even then not insurmountable I or OH will just have to get a taxi.
     
  9. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    Didn't go too badly all-in-all. She couldn't really understand why she was there on Christmas eve but apparently was OK. Christmas day (at my daus) she started checking the time at 3ish & kept saying "will we be able to get a bus from here" & "there will be plenty of buses won't there?" She didn't really know where she was or what day it was.

    Boxing day I got a call at 5 to ask me if I could calm her down. Her sister was packing a small case because she is going to her daus today. MIL wanted to know what she was doing, then wanted to know what was going to happen to her. Sister told her she was going home. She thought she lived at sisters & had always lived there. I don't think she could see her home in her minds eye so was very worried. I chatted to her for about 10 mins & told her I would be picking her up & would go in with her. Reassured her that she would recognise her home when she got there. Anyway it seemed to do the trick & she calmed a bit.
     

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