Hi
My father died suddenly in hospital aged 82 in May this year leaving my mum who has dementia and various other illnesses making her disabled and requiring a lot of care, he coped with this all by himself hardly never complaining, that final min that dad passed mum lost everything she new, her husband of 59yrs, her home everything as she couldn't in no way shape or form look after herself! my husband and I had only moved back up north after he had a serious illness to be nearer family the previous March, and are in the middle of renovating our home, since then mum has come to live with us.......what a mistake this was! I am at my wits end, hardly any sleep as she wants to get up and shouts/screams for me all through the night, sometimes fighting me when I try and get her back to bed, if I don't respond she will undo her stoma spilling it everywhere, she tells me and everyone she cant walk and wants her wheelchair all the time (yes she can walk with her Zimmer) strips her clothes at any opportunity at home or on the rare occasion I can get her out (usually only to hospital appointments and that's an argument) she has a stoma bag and insists on wearing it outside of her clothes and when she thinks she isn't getting the attention she wants will undo it or pick it off leaving a right old mess everywhere day and night!, then she starts this insistent scratching making herself bleed (not good when on warfin) she has had every test/cream/tablets etc. going from gp/hospital and there is nothing wrong just attention seeking! she wont bath or shower or wash her hair, if anyone mentions any symptom's she will copy (shortness of breath etc. although she shouts at the top of her voice) she is horrible and I mean horrible to anyone that visits hence hardly anyone comes anymore, my children have stopped bringing my grandchildren as she is so nasty to them and its breaking my heart! I cant sit and watch tv as she will start scratching in inappropriate places or taking her clothes off or wanting to get her night things on, stoma change or anything but let me watch tv, she wont go out and I cant leave her alone because she is a faller so on the rare occasion I do go out (shopping or to an appointment) my sister inlaw (who is very good and takes what mum throws with a pinch of salt) comes and sits with her, but.....boy do I pay for it when its just the 3 of us! I just don't know what to do anymore, my marriage is under strain (and he is a very good and patient man but this is really putting a strain on him) mum only wants me!!!! I know she is grieving on top of everything but so am I and I have to relive dads final few days over and over again, I was left to sort everything out, dads funeral, her house, their affairs etc with no help whatsoever from my 4 brothers!!!! I am sitting here in tears and the sound of her voice ringing in my ears screaming Hellooooo hellooo, am itchy help me! although for now she is asleep, I start to go to sleep and jump up as I think I can hear her!!! there can be like tonight 4 people in the room with her and she only wanted me who was in the kitchen to take her the loo altho they all offered but the answer was a very sharp and nasty NO, its her job! I am at a loss as to what to do anymore, its getting as though I don't know who I am!!!! and this is just a few samples of what goes on, I hate myself at the moment because I resent her so much and I am so so tired, then the guilt, this isn't my mum at all and I am finding it so hard to accept and love this person she has become..........so much stress!!! oh well here she goes again!!!!
My father died suddenly in hospital aged 82 in May this year leaving my mum who has dementia and various other illnesses making her disabled and requiring a lot of care, he coped with this all by himself hardly never complaining, that final min that dad passed mum lost everything she new, her husband of 59yrs, her home everything as she couldn't in no way shape or form look after herself! my husband and I had only moved back up north after he had a serious illness to be nearer family the previous March, and are in the middle of renovating our home, since then mum has come to live with us.......what a mistake this was! I am at my wits end, hardly any sleep as she wants to get up and shouts/screams for me all through the night, sometimes fighting me when I try and get her back to bed, if I don't respond she will undo her stoma spilling it everywhere, she tells me and everyone she cant walk and wants her wheelchair all the time (yes she can walk with her Zimmer) strips her clothes at any opportunity at home or on the rare occasion I can get her out (usually only to hospital appointments and that's an argument) she has a stoma bag and insists on wearing it outside of her clothes and when she thinks she isn't getting the attention she wants will undo it or pick it off leaving a right old mess everywhere day and night!, then she starts this insistent scratching making herself bleed (not good when on warfin) she has had every test/cream/tablets etc. going from gp/hospital and there is nothing wrong just attention seeking! she wont bath or shower or wash her hair, if anyone mentions any symptom's she will copy (shortness of breath etc. although she shouts at the top of her voice) she is horrible and I mean horrible to anyone that visits hence hardly anyone comes anymore, my children have stopped bringing my grandchildren as she is so nasty to them and its breaking my heart! I cant sit and watch tv as she will start scratching in inappropriate places or taking her clothes off or wanting to get her night things on, stoma change or anything but let me watch tv, she wont go out and I cant leave her alone because she is a faller so on the rare occasion I do go out (shopping or to an appointment) my sister inlaw (who is very good and takes what mum throws with a pinch of salt) comes and sits with her, but.....boy do I pay for it when its just the 3 of us! I just don't know what to do anymore, my marriage is under strain (and he is a very good and patient man but this is really putting a strain on him) mum only wants me!!!! I know she is grieving on top of everything but so am I and I have to relive dads final few days over and over again, I was left to sort everything out, dads funeral, her house, their affairs etc with no help whatsoever from my 4 brothers!!!! I am sitting here in tears and the sound of her voice ringing in my ears screaming Hellooooo hellooo, am itchy help me! although for now she is asleep, I start to go to sleep and jump up as I think I can hear her!!! there can be like tonight 4 people in the room with her and she only wanted me who was in the kitchen to take her the loo altho they all offered but the answer was a very sharp and nasty NO, its her job! I am at a loss as to what to do anymore, its getting as though I don't know who I am!!!! and this is just a few samples of what goes on, I hate myself at the moment because I resent her so much and I am so so tired, then the guilt, this isn't my mum at all and I am finding it so hard to accept and love this person she has become..........so much stress!!! oh well here she goes again!!!!