It's four weeks since I lost mum and still the guilt haunts me. I really don't know why as, deep down, I know I did everything I possibly could for her giving up my job and becoming her full time carer. If I talk to anyone about how I'm feeling they look at me in amazement and tell me that I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and whilst I know that it makes sense I still can't erase these horrible guilty feelings.
I keep thinking I should have done this with her,that with her, I should have been more patient, why couldn't Mum see that I was doing it because I loved her and somehow I'm struggling so hard to find the good memories at the moment, even though, in my saner moments I know that Mum had a good quality of life up till the end and there were many good moments. Will this pass? Is it part of grieving? I am an only child and find it hard as I want to talk about mum but I can't keep bothering the family as they get concerned about upsetting me, but surely that's part of being able to heal?
Everything goes around in my head (especially her last few days and I can still see her lying in the bed just after she had gone) and it seems as though I'm holding on to myself inside as my emotions are so near the surface although nobody would know as I appear so strong to everybody else but I feel as though I'm not getting over this as well as I should be.
I can't even think about getting a job yet as I don't want to be around people who don't know my situation and yet, in reality, this would probably be the best option for me but, at the moment, it's just too hard.
Will these feelings pass? I'm hoping that there's somebody out there who can tell me that this is all a part of grieving and that I will move on because I really don't want to feel like this and I'm sorry for posting this but I really need some advice.
Love Liz xx
I keep thinking I should have done this with her,that with her, I should have been more patient, why couldn't Mum see that I was doing it because I loved her and somehow I'm struggling so hard to find the good memories at the moment, even though, in my saner moments I know that Mum had a good quality of life up till the end and there were many good moments. Will this pass? Is it part of grieving? I am an only child and find it hard as I want to talk about mum but I can't keep bothering the family as they get concerned about upsetting me, but surely that's part of being able to heal?
Everything goes around in my head (especially her last few days and I can still see her lying in the bed just after she had gone) and it seems as though I'm holding on to myself inside as my emotions are so near the surface although nobody would know as I appear so strong to everybody else but I feel as though I'm not getting over this as well as I should be.
I can't even think about getting a job yet as I don't want to be around people who don't know my situation and yet, in reality, this would probably be the best option for me but, at the moment, it's just too hard.
Will these feelings pass? I'm hoping that there's somebody out there who can tell me that this is all a part of grieving and that I will move on because I really don't want to feel like this and I'm sorry for posting this but I really need some advice.
Love Liz xx