1. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Good morning TP...

    I posted pictures and an honest statement about our day on Saturday on Facebook.

    I guess it is good to tell the truth on Facebook and not just show lovely pictures......I made the following statement on Facebook " I guess this is a Stacation! Lovely day at the Strand At Rheinfelden. Nick prefers to swim in the river. We had a great picnic of gourmet treats - lots of sun and swimming....10 minutes from home! Life is wonderful-even if Nick cannot find his way to the ladders to get out of the river- or doesn’t recognize me within arm’s length of me. Here by the river I find the strength to be loving and patient."

    This foray into honesty brought lovely responses from friends and family. One of Nick's friends from childhood wrote that he and another of Nick’s childhood friends would plan to come over and see us in the autumn. I am thrilled, I love this old friend of Nick's so it will be great to have visitors something to look forward too. So glad to have a spare room to put them up in.

    Both this friend and my brother in law, thanked me for caring for Nick all these years and said how much I am appreciated by his family and all his friends who love him. That felt good.

    Yesterday, my dear friend's car broke down up by Strasbourg in the Alsace, a policeman called a tow truck for her but she ended up in a small French Alsacian village with no train service. She speaks really good German but could not find anyone to speak English or German. She called me and Nick. I happened to have another's friend’s car who is on vacation in England, so we were able to come to the rescue. It was so much fun to rescue a friend and provide someone with a little help and comfort. We then drove on up to Strasbourg to meet her friend (why she was making the trip) had a beautiful lunch and a visit to the cathedrale. Unplanned and spontaneous...so wonderful. Our friends are always helping us. It was good to give back alittle.

    Got home and found the refrigerator door open and the thing was caked with ice and frost. I found the energy to defrost it and it did not take me all that long. I had had such a good day that I was ok about this expected task. No drama.....just life.

    My day is wide open today. Nothing pressing to accomplish. Just take Nick for his walk and do whatever I choose. No German lessons, no studying for citizenship, no work. What a lightened load at last, I am truly retired.
     
  2. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,458
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    You are amazing, you can always see the half full bottle, while I can only see the half empty one.
    I have been retired since September 2014. I had been longing for retirement because I thought I would have a lot of time to spend how I like, above all travelling.
    I was wrong. Here I am , under house arrest , and wondering if I should have gone on working..
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,969
    Female
    Scotland
    @PalSal Strasbourg is one of the prettiest towns in Europe. Your post reminded me of a driving holiday we took twenty years ago and had a lovely time in that area. I'm sorry to say that John got a parking ticket in Strasbourg which we drove off and ignored. We are very law abiding so felt like Bonnie and Clyde!

    Margherita it is time for you to have a holiday. I know that house arrest feeling.
     
  4. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    Good morning Margherita, so sorry to hear you are still feeling a bit depressed under house arrest. I had that feeling too for quite a long time and know very well how it can hit you.. Try and remember some of the positives if you can; and take advantage of any and all help offered, wherever it comes from. As a cousin of mine said recently, this is not how we should be riding out into the sunset of retirement.
    I am fortunate in that recent circumstances have meant that I now have a housekeeper/ carer for 4 hours every morning except Sunday, so can get some time off to myself.
    PalSal, enjoyed reading about your day. Quite a coincidence, I have a dear friend who lives in Rheinfeld, and unfortunately he is also suffering from the onset of depression and Alzheirmer's.
    Keep smiling,
    malomm
     
  5. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,749
    Female
    Kent
    @PalSal is a half cup full person, as am I. But I think she will join me in saying, that it is a source of strength, but it is not a result of constant effort. It is the genes we were born with. I would hate to be tackling th eproblems that I am, with the genes a very dear friend was born with.
    Every night and every morn, some to misery are born.
    Every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight.
     
  6. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,458
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi Malomm, good morning!
    I am more angry and exasperated than depressed.
    You are right, I should try and remember the good things I have, but I miss my freedom, my life, my friends.
    I have been living in OH's house in the country since I retired.
    It is a comfortable house with a huge garden in a beautiful place, a highland surrounded by hills covered in vineyards and woods.
    OH moved here twelve years ago. Not only didn't he make friends with anyone, but succeeded in having arguments with those people who might have become good acquaintances. He has always had a bad character, which Alzheimer's has not improved.
    He is still quite independent, he can wash, dress, drive locally. His memory is poor, as well as his reasoning abilities, but he can / thinks he can make decisions, which means he doesn't want anyone to help him except for the lady that cleans the house.
    He is at the stage where he can't make good decisions, but I can make any because he gets angry if I dare to contradict him. I often wonder if things will be better when they are worse.
     
  7. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    1,478
    Hi, Margherita, I don't know what has happened to my OH suddenly he has become quite nice I don't know where Mr Nasty has gone but I hope he doesn't come back I'm not complaining but it is quite confusing! I wonder if anybody else has experienced this. He still is confused and most of the time tells me about things I know are not true, we are going to the memory clinic next week, which I know will be a waste of time. Take care.Lxx
     
  8. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

     
  9. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Hey Marionq, Amethyst, Malomm, Margherita and Rosebush,
    Thanks for all your responses.... my friends. I always look forward to hearing from you all. ( and Granny) I just read an article in Woman and Home which was about Louisa Lawrenson 45 and her husband Jeremy Beckman 54, who has been diagnosed with Early On Set. They have an eleven year old and I really feel for them both and their young son. I do hope she finds Talking Point and our forum.....I do not know how I did it without you all ...2011 was a good year when I found Talking Point.
    Hope you are all enjoying fine weather. xoxox S.
     
  10. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,458
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi @Rosebush , I have experienced OH's "good" periods, which I think are connected to him realizing he needs me and fearing I may leave him.
    My husband ,too, " tells me about things I know are not true" , of which he "remembers" the smallest details.
     
  11. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    1,478
    Thanks Margherita, do the good periods last very long? I wake up every morning dreading Mr Nastys return, can't remember the last time he moaned about anything not even having a shower! It's strange when I think back to this time last year when he was only having a shower once every couple of months if I was lucky also he was sleeping in his clothes that he only changed once in a blue moon. Lxx
     
  12. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,458
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    It seems PWDs pass through different phases. One of them is the "no" one, when they behave like young children who answer "no" whatever you ask them to do. Hope the "no" phase is over for ever. Have a reasonably good day, Rosebush
     
  13. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    Your last phrase is the key one. Sadly that is true, but there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it just now. There will soon come a time when only you will be able to make the decisions that are right for you both. Depending on your personal circumstances in the medium term you may have to start thinking full time carers or residential care. Do take care of yourself for both your sakes, and keep the anger and depression at bay.
    malomm
     
  14. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,458
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi Malomm, thanks for your kind words


    I want to be honest when , one day, I make the decisions, OH must be cared for in the best way. Thank goodness he can afford to pay for either carers or a care home, which here are not as expensive as in the UK. I do not want to be a full time carer until his death or mine. That doesn't mean I will desert him. It simply means I will spend some days in Milan every now and then and start travelling once or twice a year, as I used to do before his illness.
     
  15. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    That sounds like a good long term plan, but maybe you should start to take some short term breaks already.
    I'm in it for the until death us do part, so I wish you every good fortune, take care, and keep smiling.
    malomm
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.