Why is this happening to me?

[Kazza5]

My husband had his Alzheimer’s confirmed last year and I am feeling angry/annoyed about it.
Let me explain, just before we married over 48 years ago my husband was diagnosed with Diabetes type 1 insulin dependent and since then things have just gotten worse. He has always struggled with his sugar control having many hypo’s during this time and it’s always been left up to me to sort him out. He has high and low blood pressure which makes him dizzy, prostate problems, a Heart Attack almost two years ago and now this! I feel like it’s my ongoing prison sentence.
You are probably thinking that I’m an awful person. I try to help others putting my personal problems to one side. I also have a disabled son who continues to worry me as he now has spinal stenosis and a grandson of two who has sagittal craniosynotosis and awaiting surgery at any time now.
My main concern is the battle I have coming my way as he already gets frustrated because he can’t always remember how to do things and doesn’t want me to get people in to do the jobs because they won’t do it how he wants; he’s always been a perfectionist. Therefore he is starting jobs and I’m having to help or even complete them. Is there anyone else out there who can share their knowledge and wisdom to help me. Thank you

 

[scotlass]

Kazza, nobody will think you're a terrible person...just a person with too much on her shoulders, I feel the same at times,things my husband always did , I've to do them now. I know I'll have to get someone to cut the grass, major repairs, get someone in to do them. does you O H go to any dementia clubs....coffee clubs...could you possibly get someone in when he's out...

 

[jfhn05020]

My husband had his Alzheimer’s confirmed last year and I am feeling angry/annoyed about it.
Let me explain, just before we married over 48 years ago my husband was diagnosed with Diabetes type 1 insulin dependent and since then things have just gotten worse. He has always struggled with his sugar control having many hypo’s during this time and it’s always been left up to me to sort him out. He has high and low blood pressure which makes him dizzy, prostate problems, a Heart Attack almost two years ago and now this! I feel like it’s my ongoing prison sentence.
You are probably thinking that I’m an awful person. I try to help others putting my personal problems to one side. I also have a disabled son who continues to worry me as he now has spinal stenosis and a grandson of two who has sagittal craniosynotosis and awaiting surgery at any time now.
My main concern is the battle I have coming my way as he already gets frustrated because he can’t always remember how to do things and doesn’t want me to get people in to do the jobs because they won’t do it how he wants; he’s always been a perfectionist. Therefore he is starting jobs and I’m having to help or even complete them. Is there anyone else out there who can share their knowledge and wisdom to help me. Thank you

Caring for loved ones with complex health needs can be incredibly taxing, both physically and emotionally.

You are not an awful person for feeling angry or annoyed about the situation. It's natural to experience a range of emotions when dealing with such difficult circumstances. It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings while also seeking support for yourself.

You've already shown incredible strength and resilience in caring for your family members, but it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being as well. Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can provide you with much-needed emotional support and practical advice.

 

[Kazza5]

Caring for loved ones with complex health needs can be incredibly taxing, both physically and emotionally.

You are not an awful person for feeling angry or annoyed about the situation. It's natural to experience a range of emotions when dealing with such difficult circumstances. It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings while also seeking support for yourself.

You've already shown incredible strength and resilience in caring for your family members, but it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being as well. Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can provide you with much-needed emotional support and practical advice.

Thank you for your kind words of support.

 

[Kazza5]

Kazza, nobody will think you're a terrible person...just a person with too much on her shoulders, I feel the same at times,things my husband always did , I've to do them now. I know I'll have to get someone to cut the grass, major repairs, get someone in to do them. does you O H go to any dementia clubs....coffee clubs...could you possibly get someone in when he's out...

Thank you for your kind words of support. My O H is only in what I call early stages. At the present time I feel it would be unfair to send him to any clubs but when I feel the time is right then I won’t hesitate. A lot of my problems with him at the moment is with him remembering whether or not he’s taken his medication, quantity and on time. I am watching him but sometimes he does it when I’m not around. Another big problem is he keeps loosing his blood sugar monitor and other items quite often. I have two replacement knees and find it very difficult to get down on the floor to look for them.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

My question is this: @Kazza5 Who looks after you if you're not well? I expect the answer is either 1. nobody or 2. you're not allowed to be ill.

It sounds like you've been a carer for your husband all your married life so it's no surprise that his dementia seems like the final cruel blow.

Ignore his objections and get people in to do anything you can think of. Stress it is help for you, not for him - it might be easier for him to accept. Blame your knees or invent a bad back! It's worth every effort to get him used to outside help ASAP as - sadly - much more help will be needed as things progress.

Good luck...

 

[CAL Y]

@Kazza5 . You are not a bad person and I’m very sorry that you have all this on your shoulders.
I have to say that when my husband was diagnosed with dementia I was absolutely furious and feel ashamed to say that I gave him a hard time for a couple of weeks.
I think that it was probably the shock coupled with the sudden loss of our lovely lifestyle i.e. travelling etc.

 

[Kazza5]

My question is this: @Kazza5 Who looks after you if you're not well? I expect the answer is either 1. nobody or 2. you're not allowed to be ill.

It sounds like you've been a carer for your husband all your married life so it's no surprise that his dementia seems like the final cruel blow.

Ignore his objections and get people in to do anything you can think of. Stress it is help for you, not for him - it might be easier for him to accept. Blame your knees or invent a bad back! It's worth every effort to get him used to outside help ASAP as - sadly - much more help will be needed as things progress.

Good luck...

Thank you, you’ve certainly hit the nail on the head. I have been his carer all my married life, 48 years in total and it’s been nonstop. In response to your question, it’s me who looks after me sort of, he always comes first!

 

[Kazza5]

@Kazza5 . You are not a bad person and I’m very sorry that you have all this on your shoulders.
I have to say that when my husband was diagnosed with dementia I was absolutely furious and feel ashamed to say that I gave him a hard time for a couple of weeks.
I think that it was probably the shock coupled with the sudden loss of our lovely lifestyle i.e. travelling etc.

Thank you that’s reassuring. Even when he just had his Diabetes if I went to see friends or relatives I had to check everyday to make sure he was ok so never got a complete break and that’s what still happens now except next time I go away, which I definitely need I have made arrangements for family to have or stay with him. He keeps leaving the grill on and that’s happened several times now.