Why can't it end

[HartleyHugs]

I've just been to see mum in the care home and I'm sad to say I basically told her to give up and die and I hate myself for it. I've not seen her since the weekend as I'm back at work and she's just hanging on. She's so desperately sad, she's scrunched up in on herself wherever she is bed or chair, she hardly ate with me but then the nurse was all excited because she ate a pudding at lunch as if that's the best news she could tell me! Then I also think mum is starting with her third chest infection in a month and when I told the nurse and asked her to tell the GP to call me before making any decision on medication she looked at me as if I was the devil!
Mum just kept saying over and over I don't want to go, or I have to do something and I kept saying it's ok I've got everything sorted, you can go for a rest, I talked about her mum, dad and sister (all dead) and our caravan we used to have with our family for our holidays. I also put photos of her mum, dad, sister and my son where she could see them.
I've just had a good cry at the bus stop but I just want it to end.
I'm sorry for such a depressing post, and hope that some of you out there have managed a good day, and for those who haven't I just wanted to say go for a good cry and we'll get to tomorrow together x

 

[Izzy]

I‘m so sorry to hear your update @HartleyHugs. It really is heartbreaking.

Thinking of you and your mum and wishing you strength.

 

[HartleyHugs]

I‘m so sorry to hear your update @HartleyHugs. It really is heartbreaking.

Thinking of you and your mum and wishing you strength.

Thank you @Izzy

 

[Jale]

So sorry HartleyHugs, I don't find your post depressing but I do find it heartfelt. Many of us - including myself - have thought exactly the same - how much longer do we have to sit and watch our loved ones fade away. I think the same every time I visit my mum who is in a nursing home. A couple of weeks ago I thought she was approaching end of life and had "the talk" with nursing staff at her home, but again she has rallied and I'm not going to say she is living - she is existing.

We will all see what tomorrow brings. Take care x

 

[illmyselfandoverwhelmed]

I've just been to see mum in the care home and I'm sad to say I basically told her to give up and die and I hate myself for it. I've not seen her since the weekend as I'm back at work and she's just hanging on. She's so desperately sad, she's scrunched up in on herself wherever she is bed or chair, she hardly ate with me but then the nurse was all excited because she ate a pudding at lunch as if that's the best news she could tell me! Then I also think mum is starting with her third chest infection in a month and when I told the nurse and asked her to tell the GP to call me before making any decision on medication she looked at me as if I was the devil!
Mum just kept saying over and over I don't want to go, or I have to do something and I kept saying it's ok I've got everything sorted, you can go for a rest, I talked about her mum, dad and sister (all dead) and our caravan we used to have with our family for our holidays. I also put photos of her mum, dad, sister and my son where she could see them.
I've just had a good cry at the bus stop but I just want it to end.
I'm sorry for such a depressing post, and hope that some of you out there have managed a good day, and for those who haven't I just wanted to say go for a good cry and we'll get to tomorrow together x

I think we swopped places this afternoon @HartleyHugs, my mum had 8 teaspoons of mashed potato and 3 of rice pudding. When the carer told me I wanted to cry. District nurse is calling in TVN again and mum has another infection. Def need to go and have a cry now, you are not alone on your journey xx

 

[HartleyHugs]

So sorry HartleyHugs, I don't find your post depressing but I do find it heartfelt. Many of us - including myself - have thought exactly the same - how much longer do we have to sit and watch our loved ones fade away. I think the same every time I visit my mum who is in a nursing home. A couple of weeks ago I thought she was approaching end of life and had "the talk" with nursing staff at her home, but again she has rallied and I'm not going to say she is living - she is existing.

We will all see what tomorrow brings. Take care x

Hi @Jale yes we had the talk a few weeks ago and I even posted to say is it wrong to feel relief but yes she's still going. I'm not sure what I would do without being able to write on here.

 

[HartleyHugs]

I think we swopped places this afternoon @HartleyHugs, my mum had 8 teaspoons of mashed potato and 3 of rice pudding. When the carer told me I wanted to cry. District nurse is calling in TVN again and mum has another infection. Def need to go and have a cry now, you are not alone on your journey xx

@illmyselfandoverwhelmed I don't know why it upset me so much when the nurse told me about the pudding but all I wanted to do was shout shove the pudding down your own throat and see how that feels, because mum can't feed herself so that's what she did! Sometimes I feel like I'm turning into a monster but it's this bloody disease!!!! I'm glad we can share our crappy journey together x

 

[canary]

The body seems to cling to life long after it seems possible to continue.
Before my mum died she went 17 days with no food or fluid whatsoever.
It was excruciating

Eventually there will be an end
xxx

 

[GillP]

The trying to feed and give drinks is heartbreaking. Initially I cajoled, distracted etc but never forced. I recall being terrified that my husband would choke. I’d get in the car and sob.

I do feel for you who are experiencing this now.

 

[Suesue.G.]

I felt that I wanted it all to stop and let my husband go. We were looking after him at home, with the Wonderful care from the Hospice HomeCare Team and Maie Curie. He could no longer speak, but he "talked" with his eyes. They said he had a cheeky twinkle. Yesterday morning, he gave up the battle and died, peacefully and without any fear or pain. I am happy for him, to at last be at Peace. I am exhausted from months and months of broken sleep and hearing his bell ringing, when he needed something. But, the silence is now deafening.

 

[SeaSwallow]

I felt that I wanted it all to stop and let my husband go. We were looking after him at home, with the Wonderful care from the Hospice HomeCare Team and Maie Curie. He could no longer speak, but he "talked" with his eyes. They said he had a cheeky twinkle. Yesterday morning, he gave up the battle and died, peacefully and without any fear or pain. I am happy for him, to at last be at Peace. I am exhausted from months and months of broken sleep and hearing his bell ringing, when he needed something. But, the silence is now deafening.

@Suesue.G. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you strength at this difficult time.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @Suesue.G. I’m glad your husband’s passing was pain free. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength. Please remember that the forum is still here for you as come to terms with your loss.

 

[HartleyHugs]

I felt that I wanted it all to stop and let my husband go. We were looking after him at home, with the Wonderful care from the Hospice HomeCare Team and Maie Curie. He could no longer speak, but he "talked" with his eyes. They said he had a cheeky twinkle. Yesterday morning, he gave up the battle and died, peacefully and without any fear or pain. I am happy for him, to at last be at Peace. I am exhausted from months and months of broken sleep and hearing his bell ringing, when he needed something. But, the silence is now deafening.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband, it's so hard isn't it I know when mum goes I will be so upset but there will be a sense of relief I'm sure too. Sending you hugs

 

[HartleyHugs]

The body seems to cling to life long after it seems possible to continue.
Before my mum died she went 17 days with no food or fluid whatsoever.
It was excruciating

Eventually there will be an end
xxx

This is the hard part, mum just looks so frail and unwell that I just can't imagine how she keeps going which is so distressing xx

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your loss Suesue.G, take care x

 

[JTNW]

Talking with my sister tonight, we both admitted we wanted it to end for mom. The bouts of anxiety. The ups and downs. the apologies after the panic phone calls from her care takers home. At the same time my father in law is developing dementia, and his wife died of vascular dementia. I don't know what i feel. Mom is in her oldest grandson's home about 2 hours from where my husband and I live.

 

[JTNW]

It's me again. My mom lives in the home of her oldest grandson. There she is in a home with children and dogs. Lots of activity and grandson and wife really wanted her to go there after fall lead to nursing home facility, then her health care (U.S) discharged her, even though the muscle tone in her legs was gone. She must use a walker and one person assist for showering, etc. Anyway, the days go on. I visit her once a week. I send assistance through food and what ever I can think of for the family. I send her digital frame called Skylight, which has been a big hit with her. My oldest sister feels guilty she doesn't visit more and it never helps me to hear her guilt! My brothers don't engage in conversation about mom's situation. My older sister lives on the other side of the country. I don't know what I am looking for here, just a chance to tell my story.

 

[Gosling]

I've just been to see mum in the care home and I'm sad to say I basically told her to give up and die and I hate myself for it. I've not seen her since the weekend as I'm back at work and she's just hanging on. She's so desperately sad, she's scrunched up in on herself wherever she is bed or chair, she hardly ate with me but then the nurse was all excited because she ate a pudding at lunch as if that's the best news she could tell me! Then I also think mum is starting with her third chest infection in a month and when I told the nurse and asked her to tell the GP to call me before making any decision on medication she looked at me as if I was the devil!
Mum just kept saying over and over I don't want to go, or I have to do something and I kept saying it's ok I've got everything sorted, you can go for a rest, I talked about her mum, dad and sister (all dead) and our caravan we used to have with our family for our holidays. I also put photos of her mum, dad, sister and my son where she could see them.
I've just had a good cry at the bus stop but I just want it to end.
I'm sorry for such a depressing post, and hope that some of you out there have managed a good day, and for those who haven't I just wanted to say go for a good cry and we'll get to tomorrow together x

My dear Mum passed away last September having been in a care home for eight years with dementia. Her last months were pretty awful, and like you, when the Carers get all excited when Mum eat a spoonful of yoghurt, or a sip of juice, it just seemed so wrong and inadequate that this is being hailed as good news.
Her last two weeks, she didn't eat at all, and she just faded away in the end... all peaceful... but horrible to see, but somehow it was a relief that she was freed of this awful disease and at peace. You go through all sorts of emotions, but knowing the inevitable will happen, the timing of that is very uncertain. As someone previously said , the body can cling on for some time... but it is horrible for you to witness. It was for me.
Warmest wishes to you at this very difficult time.

 

[Firecatcher]

My Mum has been in hospital since August last year, is doubly incontinent and is either distressed or asleep. She weighs 37kg. At the moment she’s still mobile but otherwise has little quality of life. I absolutely cringe when the nurses tell me there’s nothing medically wrong with her. In other words there’s nothing that’s going to give her and me an early release from this torment. I can see this going on for years as longevity prevails on her side of the family.

 

[HartleyHugs]

My dear Mum passed away last September having been in a care home for eight years with dementia. Her last months were pretty awful, and like you, when the Carers get all excited when Mum eat a spoonful of yoghurt, or a sip of juice, it just seemed so wrong and inadequate that this is being hailed as good news.
Her last two weeks, she didn't eat at all, and she just faded away in the end... all peaceful... but horrible to see, but somehow it was a relief that she was freed of this awful disease and at peace. You go through all sorts of emotions, but knowing the inevitable will happen, the timing of that is very uncertain. As someone previously said , the body can cling on for some time... but it is horrible for you to witness. It was for me.
Warmest wishes to you at this very difficult time.

Thank you, I've just been to see mum again, and realised that the cruellest part of this disease is the up and downs associated with it. Mums still not eating much and very tired but she had a few moments of real lucidity today, very fleeting but so lovely to see her back but then snatched away again.
I have a feeling we're all in for the long run x