Who do you talk to in 'real life'?

[21citrouilles]

For sharing my torment regarding my mom's AD, I have two friends who are wonderful listeners and who give great feedback; my companion is the best and doesn't mind my speaking often about the same feelings - he's been through that with his own mother; I have TP here, where everybody understand, and sometimes sessions with a therapist.

Other people that I know, while kind, can't take hearing about dementia. They're terrified of it.

Sometimes not talking about it, but other subjects, even if I don't feel interested in them forces me to think of something else and refreshes my mind.

You'd think that with all the support that I've got I would be happier; but no, sometimes I still suffer like hell!

 

[Boldredrosie]

I've told most people on the grounds that one day I may well explode and they can all be my character witness and say I was pushed beyond all endurance.
Do not bottle this up but be selective in who you tell. You should tell your employers as they do have obligations to you as a carer and they should be looking to support you and accommodate you.

 

[Anongirl]

I've told most people on the grounds that one day I may well explode and they can all be my character witness and say I was pushed beyond all endurance.
Do not bottle this up but be selective in who you tell. You should tell your employers as they do have obligations to you as a carer and they should be looking to support you and accommodate you.

I asked my friend the other day if she will visit me when I've reached the end of my tether and I'm rocking in a corner. She promised she would

 

[ejkat]

A Death

My beloved husband John died this week of Alzheimers and Vascular Dementia.
5/27/13. I thought the week before he passed was the worst week of my life.
He was in the home and the hospice RN was here and a niece who is an RN.

We helped him take his last starving breath. With O2 at 4L's. And 20mg of
morphine every hour by mouth.. And this week already seems like 3 years.

Darling, now I can say, we experienced every stage. And yes it is so hard
when they are experiencing a huge short term memory day. Or the times
when it seems like the same question has been asked 50 times in one
hour ...it is all so hard.

I want to be a hermit now. Already this week, I have been screamed at
for an hour and demeaned with every decision. Including being screamed
at that my husband wanted creamation and according to the Bible, that
is a pagan practice offering human flesh to pagan Gods. Or the one who
called and ignorantly thought I had come into some money and wanted
some for a down payment on a car.
Or maybe like the sister in law married to a Ph.d in Theology calling..on
the last day...I needed to pray in the name of Jesus Christ to get the evil
spirits our of my husbands body and our home, then he would be out of
pain and healed.

The majority making me feel like I had dropped into medieval times...

My husband was very nearly an angel...not believing in cruelty..peace
at any cost..a believer in the Lord b ut not in the sense as in above..He
led a good life and spoiled me silly. None of the above would ever have
talked to me like that when he lived.

And now, I'm just going to take the highest doses of everything that
my doctor prescribed for me and knock myself out for the night..and
maybe I will tomorrow. I know I will not call any one...I just can't
know what craziness I would be inviting to verbally abuse us. Or
speak poorly of my dear John....

I wish everyone out there with a better lot than me. I am so sorry
for all of you and what more is to come. The suffering of it all is
nearly unbearable..Stay strong , get as much help as you possibly
can..try to take rest breaks whenever you can....My heartbreaks
for all of you.

 

[Izzy]

Ejkat I am so sorry to read of your loss. I am equally sorry to read about the situation you find yourself in. I wish you much strength to deal with everything you face and send my sincere condolences.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point mobile app

 

[sunray]

so sorry EJkat

So sorry Ejkat, for your loss and also for the way you are being treated. I have had some of that treatment too, from my sister after my Mum died. I was the one who did everything so of course I was also the one to blame for everything.

I wonder why anyone thinks it is their right to tell us what to do in our time of grief (my husband died 2 months before my mother)? It is time for the family to provide support not critisism so in my opinion those that do not provide support become NMP "not my problem".

(((hugs))) from Sue.

 

[farnhamz]

Admiral Nurse

If you have an Admiral. nurse in your area contact her for help.. mine has been a godsend. She told me about the local authority help and regular Carers meetings.
I find it helps to explain about Alzheimers not that my husband has got it. Still some friends feel they can just contact you when they need to so get rid of those 'friends'. i have made very supportive new ones through local groups such as the WI and tgey are not all stuffy knitters. Hope his helps

 

[Anongirl]

So sorry to hear of your loss Ejkat. Your husband is truly an angel now and he will always be with you. Take time away from the madness if you can.

Take care of yourself xxx

 

[Roadrunner]

Mindfulness

I have just read your reply to a member who asked where is real life and how to cope and you mentioned mindfulness. My Mother has dementai and my Father is her carerhe struglling with heart issues and is getting depressed and I too have felt depressed especially with a stressful job 60 miles from my parents and 20 miles from my home. Travel is exhausting sometimes To cut a long story short your reply has given me encourage ment has I have undertakn MIndfulness courses too ad am trying to use this every day.

Thank you I have become a member as this may help me too.