1. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    Can any one advise can i let all of my problems out on TP i have a lot of sh --- from years ago to deal with and also what is going on now i have a very disfuncial family life but as i know every one on tp is hurting and i do not want to make any one worse

    Love Bel x
     
  2. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Hi Bel

    I think you can say whatever you want or need to say here. If anyone is hurting too much from their own problems then maybe they won't respond but that is OK. Maybe saying whatever you want or need to say will help you by getting it off your chest and someone may just be able to help.

    I have to say that when I am 'suffering' the most then I might not feel able to help anyone else and then I either go into 'lurk' mode for a while or don't even read the posts for a few days. But I always come back and either ask for advice or input or if I'm feeling strong enough then I can give advice or suggestions.

    I hope that makes some kind of sense.
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Bel dear, not sure this is what you want to hear but................

    As far as TP goes I think you are right when you acknowledge that most people on the forum have problems of their own, and are hurting for various reasons.

    As none of us are qualified, and our only connection with each other is dementia in one form or another, I feel that there must be somewhere better for you to unload your pressures from the past.

    As you know we would all wish to be supportive, but I sense you need more than most of us can give. Take care sweetheart, you know we are all with you in spirit. Love,





    P.S. Only my own opinion of course.
     
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi bel,

    i'm sure people here on TP care, but like the others say, there's a limit to what an (albeit loving and caring) group of fellow strugglers can offer. perhaps it would be worth you having a chat with your GP about what other outlets there might be to help you deal with stuff? if there's so much sh** you should be able to access some appropriate help. i'm sure people here will support you in getting access to that.

    best wishes

    Áine
     
  5. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    Thanks yet again all for your replies i had a bad childhood but had councilling years ago and managed to move on but with hubby being ill being in charge of selling home so he could stop work etc etc i am struggling did try more councilling a few months ago but could not see it through
    I know this is not the right place i am so sorry you all are so good and have plenty of problems as well
    Love Bel x
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Your not alone I left a post in the

    What if you don't like/love them?
     
  7. Rosalind

    Rosalind Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    203
    Wiltshire
    I think the good thing about TP is the fact that we are all in the same boat, and can rant about our common problems. I prefer to do that than moan to my friends, as when I see them I want not to be in moan mode, but to have fun, chat, gossip etc.

    If you have other problems, Bel, and need to unburden then probably good counselling would be the answer. TP might be a bit too public, and you could regret outpourings at a bad moment.
     
  8. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Who do I talk to?

    Dear Bel,
    I had some problems and depression about ten or so years ago and I found that counselling, which was arranged through my GP, helped enormously. In fact, it has helped me even now through my problems with Mum's illnesses, as I know that I am not strong enough to cope alone but must trust the professionals and try and delegate tasks.
    Please go back to your doctor and continue with the counselling. If you want to talk to someone before that, please feel free to post a private message to me and I will listen. Really, professional counselling is the best solution, but I'm here if you need some general help.
    Take care,
    Kayla
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    The concept of equal opportunities was applied because this event was inclusive to all, regardless of young people’s sex, nationality, religion, sexual orientation etc.
    Anti-discriminatory practice and anti-oppressive practice are concepts that exist in our organisation and are applied when necessary. Anti discriminatory practice reduces discrimination through supporting and assisting individuals who experience discrimination, to help them challenge it. This is exercised through an anti-oppressive practice; an organisation that not only recognises oppression in society, but supports those facing oppression with hope and through sharing of knowledge. Through helping to raise awareness of the oppression that service users might face, in the hope that the client will be able to define their own oppression and take action themselves; to empower.

    We the client seem to have an issue with oppression that out parents who have dementia done to us in the past, really we had a support group, instead of just going talking, talking, talking over, over again to someone ok counselling is good to pour your heart out to a complete stranger get it all out ,but it never really leave you what happen after the session finish, caring for someone with those issue still pop up.

    A counselling just listen, never giving advice
    Recognize physiotherapy is much better.

    There must be so many question the person want to ask who is new to caring, or has been caring long a long while with parent or husband but is scared or to ashamed to open up to it child abuse trun to self hatred in adulthood , if lucky & you seem a different life you can trun around it can rain hell on someone life .

    This is an issue that has to be address openly, Just like they have set one up for the gay people on the AZ home page.

    Other wise there is going to be a lot of people with dementia dump in a care home or left at home to root
     
  10. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Margarita

    I do not see theres any way a child who has been abused especially sexually by a parent and therefore had their adult life messed up should ever forgive the abuser

    If the abuser then gets Dementia and care needs to be in a home ......so be it

    No parent should ever abuse a child its one of the most horrendous crimes thats not adequately punished in our society

    As for the Peadophiles that recently have raped tiny children theres only one true punishment for them and short prison sentences and then let out to do it again is wholly unacceptable
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Helena, I know this is going off track, but many 'survivors' (child/adult/ sexual/emotional abuse etc etc) only secure their own healing BY forgiving the abuser....

    Margarita, not quite clear on all your points on your last post - but I thought identifying the link between Bel's thread and Magpie's was really important.... 'Caring' - dependent upon our own experience and perceptions of the 'care' we have ourselves received throughout our pasts can have a huge impact on us - as well as those we love/care for/both/neither..... it needs to be acknowledged. Thank you!:)

    Bel, well, you know you've got some bedtime reading!!!!;)

    Love, Karen (TF), x
     
  12. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Who do I talk to?

    I think that child abuse may be well be more common than people realise. At one time, there was a class of children which had 25% of them on the "at risk" register. Children who suffer abuse sometimes go on to inflict abuse on others when they grow up. The issue should be talked about, but I'm not sure that these people are more likely to suffer dementia as they get older. Another thread discussed whether a difficult childhood made dementia more likely. It seemed to be agreed, that it didn't make any difference and we don't know what actually causes dementia.
    Counsellors are trained to listen and not offer actual advice, but lead the person to make their own decision. Often people have an idea what they should do, but when they talk to an outsider it confirms what they already thought.
    After talking to a counsellor, I realised for myself, that I was trying to do too much and I left my full time job for something with less hours, as my Dad had just had a stroke and was quite ill.
    If horrible things have happened in childhood, there is not a lot that can be done to put it right. People have to try and leave these issues in the past, as anger and frustration can easily make them ill. It is hard to forgive others, but sometimes it is even harder for people to forgive themselves, which is probably why unkind parents are cared for by their children. They perhaps feel that two wrongs don't make a right and they should do the "right" thing, even though natural justice might dictate otherwise.
    Kayla
     
  13. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Maybe some abused people do find solace in forgiveness

    Others like me see it very differently
    Many have said to me they only become whole when the parent / abuser dies
    For me I see that as all too true

    When your every move/action/etc has been ridiculed and scorned throughout life by your Mother the only release is their death
     
  14. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    ... or even BEFORE they're grown up..... BUT many others BECAUSE of their abuse and ability to survive it go on to do great things for others........ in quiet or very public ways....BECAUSE OF, not IN SPITE OF, their abuse....... PER-lease....... there is LOTS can be done - if people are only brave enough in the first place to admit that help is still needed (if indeed it is) - or to have it made known that help is actually there ... even many, many years later.

    But bravery isn't well known to the abused (or at least not in terms of being public) .. and when they can reach that first courageous step, who DO they tell??? They have been 'taught' to hide, and lie..... and I fully understand what Bel said previously about counselling - you actually have to be pretty strong to put yourself through it especially when there is more than 'one issue' going on..... - there are times it is NOT appropriate - there are too many vulnerabilities without the appropriate support.....

    Helena, I do 'hear you' and see - and know - both sides. :(

    This is turning into one of the saddest threads I've ever read on TP..... and I'm sorry if everyone else here who has only ever known a 'non-dysfunctional family' thinks this is 'off-track' ... I'm starting to think this is so damned important if only in my personal perception of how I 'care' - why my mother's dementia is something different to me than my dad's demise....... and yes! That's me! 'Little Voice' (to use the film name) who for years dared not speak!!!!

    Bel, Magpie, Margarita, Helena..... THANK YOU!!!!
     
  15. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    Thank you all it makes me feel IT IS NOT JUST ME i knew it wasnt but have never heard other peoples experiences before years ago as well as ONE ONLY good councillor the GP told me of a book Toxic parents very hard just like councilling but you had to take it slow it turned things around for me but now it is not the same problems although still family orientated
    Love Bel x
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #16 Margarita, Jul 25, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2006
    I read what Helen said and have not read the rest of the posting

    but your way of track I did not say sexually Abuse I did refer to the whole Act equal opportunities

    But you pick up on the seually part ,why do people think that when someone says child abuse it only means sexually .

    the sexually part in the ack is refreeing to the gender of the person .


    is not leting someone express themself on hear



    child abuse .......As in controlling a person being multipartite, controlling and beating ,and Verbally , why is that not abuseing a child ?
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    My apology to bel when I said of track I mean of track when Helen perceived in what I meant in child abuse I should of broke it down in what It mean to me personnel .

    But I still believe in forgiveness so one you can move forward, would I care for my mother if she did that to me? I can not say because I have never been there.

    Ok if I was honest to myself I would say no ,
     

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