Whinge or a cry for help

[Rupe]

This is all starting to get me beyond down...

My mother, 88 in December has and has had dementia for a while (I'll return to the 'and has had' bit in a bit)

She's now in a care home since March thankfully as safety is paramount and the wandering was bad - currently 'blissfully confused' as doesn't know where she is (thinks in hotel/hostel.golf club etc) and 'have to go to work' each day - I'm happy she's safe but having issues going to see her as I hate to see her like this

OK, my situation....two younger sisters, one France, one Canada, I've been back in NI for last 12 years and back living with mother for two years after relationship broke up. ZERO love or respect for younger sisters as they claimed mother was 'right as rain' for ages, knew she was ducking medical appts, claimed hygiene and incontinence issue just part of 'getting older', all despite the fact that I was here, they were 'parachuting' in for a couple of days a number of times a year, and didn't see it on a daily basis (I will admit that at times I missed signs as too close to situation)

So, the legalities - Joanne (the younger sister resident in Canada) did one of her little parachuting in acts last year, and unbeknownst to myself, took mother out along with my uncle (Joanne's puppet and a two faced git) to a solicitor with no prior knowledge of mother, as recommended by a barrister Joanne was at uni with (the plot thickens, don't it?) POA signed with Joanne and uncle as attorneys, new will (no real change on will or what was expected to be honest) but....... and I just don't get this strange coincidence, with ten days of this mother is finally diagnosed with 'cognitive disorder' - that's such a coincidence isn't it? (And if you think so, would you like to change all your cash for Northern Bank 20's or RHI boilers)

So, mother's condition worsened - zero support or contact from sisters, practically zero support from social services until I pulled a 'tactical move' and told them I was moving out of the house as I couldn't cope any more - they then put her in 'respite care' for a week, beat me down and released her with 'enhanced support' from SS - that lasted less than a week and she's been back in the care home since

And again little sister jumps in....moves to execute POA, with me given 28 days to object (Can you see what's coming?) So on day 28, I object - undue influence, extra-jurisdiction etc. - Master in OCP requests a hearing, appoints solicitoe to act for mother who contacts me just before hearing to suggest compromises - sister and uncle will step back and solicitor will have control of mother's finances which I want NOTHING to do with, but I'll remind, I'm still resident in house and have been paying all bills for an extended time from my own pocket. Sister and uncle backing off - RESULT!!! They must have known their position was untenable and indefensible.

OK, so I'm still resident in house but mother is in care and someone will have to pick up the costs - will sisters contribute (despite being 'board level' in international companies with millionaire husbands)? Who knows as they don't get in touch, but I doubt it. I've been covering costs and have offered to pay a 'fair market rent' but think that SS may go after the house despite it being my and my kitten's home (and fat chance I have finding a landlord that will let me move in with the Tinker??? "That's no kitten, that's one of yon gremlin things!!!"

So, about me - still employed as low ranking civil servant but with a plethora of health issues - three TIAs in recent years, thirty year plus history of depression and stress, PTSD, OCD and just generally wore out and the whole mother situation hasn't been a help. I'm not going to give up the house which is my home without a fight - Si vis pacem, para bellum!

Anyone any advice? I don't think I'm coping particularly well, doc has just doubled my dose of antidepressants, I don't want to be homeless but will be carried out before I give up the house I grew up in without a fight. Would my medical history possibly get me a disregard so the house can be sold after I finally die or move?

Thanks

c

 

[Slugsta]

Hi and welcome to TP - although I am sorry that you are here in such difficult circumstances.

I am going to be rude and ask your age, it is relevant to whether the house will be automatically disregarded. Or not, as the case may be.

 

[canary]

Another thing that is relevant is whether, with all of your problems, you receive Disability Living Allowance or PIP?

There are quite strict rules about paying for care. If your mum has over £25,000 in savings and assets then she would be self-funded. Normally her home would be considered part of her assets, but will be disregarded all the while she is living in it, or while a spouse, relative over 60 years old or disabled relative was living in the house when she went into a residential home. She should have a financial assessment done by the local authority to determine how much she should pay, so if you qualify for the disregard then you must make sure the Local Authority knows.

 

[Beate]

No one has to pay for someone else's care - not your sister, rich or not, nor you. Under £23,250 the council has to part pay for a care home and under £14,250 they should fully fund it.

The home she lived in can be mandatorily disregarded in certain circumstances that canary has layed out, and a discretionary disregard can be applied for if this had been your main home for many years for example.

If your mother has been in care since March, surely someone must be paying already?

 

[canary]

If your mother has been in care since March, surely someone must be paying already?

It might be the LA, Beate. I applied for COP once mum went into a care home and I realised that it was too late to get a POA (she steadfastly refused to sign it, although I kept trying) and it took several months to come through. In the meantime her LA payed the bill and I had to reimburse them once I got the deputyship.