Whether to use a care company or a personal assistant

[Hubbie]

I am the full time carer for my wife who is aged 64 and has had the Alzheimer's variant Posterior cortical atrophy for about 9 years. She is still physically fit but recently her mental condition has deteriorated and she spends quite a lot of time living in delusions. Some pleasant but some upsetting.
At the moment our son is able to provide some help but soon this will stop. So I am beginning to think about paying someone to come in to stay with my wife a couple of times a week for 2 or 3 hours each time to give me a break. This will be the first time I have done this and I am not certain what will be best. It seems to me the options are to use a care company to buy in this service or to find a personal assistant who would be able to take this on regularly. I can think of pros and cons for each of these options but I wondered if anyone might have advice that would help me decide.
The savings we have probably means we won't be eligible for financial support.

 

[Sue741215]

As you say there are advantages and disadvantages with each.

When my mum had dementia and lived alone my sisters and I privately found two local ladies - one a trained carer the other was not. They did housework, cooked her a meal and were company for her a few hours a day - as time went on they helped her to shower (possibly the untrained one should not have done this but it worked). Having 2 ladies worked very well as they were flexible and covered for each other for holidays with us sisters filling any gaps as well as out normal visits. The advantages were that we were able to pay a better wage than they would have got, while saving mum some money as well plus the flexibility. As it was their main part time job they came at the time we wanted (with flexibility on both sides when needed - agencies are covering a number of people so may not have this flexibility. Also the two ladies became really fond of mum and were like friends to her - while this also happens with agency staff it depends on if the agency can provide a regular person. The disadvantage of not using an agency is that an agency will be expected to find cover for sickness, holidays etc - less of an issue if a relative or friend can step in as cover. The other disadvantage is that without an agency you are the employer with the responsibilities that brings.

My husband now has Alzheimers and I advertised on the local Just Friends website for someone to be a companion to my husband by taking him out for a meal once a week each. Two came forward and both chose to do the job on voluntary basis - one has stayed with me for over two years taking him out once a week and refusing payment though I of course pay him for his meals and supposedly transport though I suspect he never claims it. The second person gave up due to ill health and I found another man from the same website who does it on the same website. HThey only have him for an hour but because my husband is still ok on his own it means I can go out for longer periods on 2 days a wee. To my husband they are friends - I introduced tham as wanting to meet another man to go out for meals with.

I have given some detail to show that the private route can be successful and there are some wonderful people out there. I did not ask for references - the ladies who looked after my mum were friends of acquaintances. With the men I just went on gut feeling that they would be good to him but he would tell me if he was not happy with them so I wasn't worried.

If your wife is more vulnerable you may wish to pursue the agency route and I expect to use an agency when my husband requires care rather than just looking after but I think I might advertise privately for job sharers while also looking at agencies. I hope this is helpful - I don't think one route is better than another it is what suits you and your wife and of course what is available - in some areas carers are hard to find. The easiest route would be to look at local agencies and see if you feel comfortable with them. Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[Hubbie]

Thanks for taking the trouble to provide lots of ideas. Its very helpful. I'll probably give the personal assistant route a try first and see how that works out.
I think leave it until she is a bit more settled and we are both getting reasonable sleep. She was awake from 1 am to 6.30 am last night talking almost constantly about how she had been poisoned. Our worst night so far, hope it doesn't happen again tonight!