Where had my motivation gone?

[maryjoan]

I have looked for it everywhere - even under the table where we think his memory is, or could it be at the hospital where he left his colon??

I used to be so motivated, but now I have to make myself do things - I have two half finished books I have been writing, somewhere on this computer. I have work that keeps laughing at me, again, on this computer. I have grass that keeps growing, outside, and a lawnmower somewhere in the garage. I have....... well, you get the picture.

I think my brain is just overwhelmed by the dross that goes with caring.

But every day, I moan and groan on here, and try to do a bit more than I did yesterday.

It is a 'recovery' from the shock, I think. I am not a psychologist - but even I can recognise, that to go from what we were to what we are, in the course of just a few short weeks, is just overwhelming.

That, combined with the fact that we are now just edging into our second year of this situation, family have stopped reacting, and asking how things are, they make duty visits and then go away. The situation has become accepted by them.

Does that happen to you, out there, reading this? Have people accepted your situation on a superficial level, and seemingly ceased to bother whether you are screaming out for company, practical help, companionship, anything? I am just curious, because I find humankind to be a very curious creature.

Motivation? Oh, I have found some of it now, I shall have breakfast, make OH his breakfast ( in bed on Sat and Sun for him) and then, if a marriage certificate comes in the post today - which it should - tidy up the loose ends of someone else's family history, and immerse myself in that - there we go, I have talked myself into some motivation.

Have a Happy Saturday, everyone,

 

[nae sporran]

Family, eh? At least OH's daughter is becoming less demanding, but I have given up on any kind of relationship with her. I asked her to slow down next time we had lunch as her mum struggles to follow the conversation and she said "what has that got to with what I just said ? "
Sorry, Mary joan, I'm moaning as well now. Hope you have a good weekend and manage to get a few jobs done, with time for a wee cuppa.

 

[Grannie G]

When I was in the thick of 24/7 caring my whole life was centred around my husband, trying to keep him sweet, trying to avoid fall outs, trying to think of ways to manage the home and manage him at the same time.

We had disturbed nights, unplanned walkabouts and I know I didn`t have the time or the concentration to sit and read a book for years.

It`s not easy to be motivated when you know you will be interrupted at every turn.

I know this sounds like a great big moan but it isn`t. It`s a statement of fact. When I look back, I don`t know how I did it, but I do know so many of you are doing it still.

 

[john1939]

I have looked for it everywhere - even under the table where we think his memory is, or could it be at the hospital where he left his colon??

I used to be so motivated, but now I have to make myself do things - I have two half finished books I have been writing, somewhere on this computer. I have work that keeps laughing at me, again, on this computer. I have grass that keeps growing, outside, and a lawnmower somewhere in the garage. I have....... well, you get the picture.

I think my brain is just overwhelmed by the dross that goes with caring.

But every day, I moan and groan on here, and try to do a bit more than I did yesterday.

It is a 'recovery' from the shock, I think. I am not a psychologist - but even I can recognise, that to go from what we were to what we are, in the course of just a few short weeks, is just overwhelming.

That, combined with the fact that we are now just edging into our second year of this situation, family have stopped reacting, and asking how things are, they make duty visits and then go away. The situation has become accepted by them.

Does that happen to you, out there, reading this? Have people accepted your situation on a superficial level, and seemingly ceased to bother whether you are screaming out for company, practical help, companionship, anything? I am just curious, because I find humankind to be a very curious creature.

Motivation? Oh, I have found some of it now, I shall have breakfast, make OH his breakfast ( in bed on Sat and Sun for him) and then, if a marriage certificate comes in the post today - which it should - tidy up the loose ends of someone else's family history, and immerse myself in that - there we go, I have talked myself into some motivation.

Have a Happy Saturday, everyone,

Good Morning fellow carers. Nice morning here in N Ireland, sun shining birds singing..T.

 

[john1939]

Good Morning fellow carers. Nice morning here in N Ireland, sun shining birds singing..T.

Sorry, my computer just crashed, again. J

 

[maryjoan]

Sorry, my computer just crashed, again. J

I can hear the blackbird that sings for hours in a nearby tree - also the rooks that caw loudly, sums up life I suppose - sweet and sour - and that sounds like a food related idea !

Have a great weekend folks!

 

[karaokePete]

Where has my motivation gone? What an apt question - I used to spend hours learning and translating Greek songs, even putting some of my translations onto an on-line site and I haven't done that for about 2 years as all my reading, when I have time to read, is now about dementia. When I finish all the daily chores of life and looking after my wife I just want to flake out rather than clear the dust from my textbooks! I try to stop my wife's dementia taking me too, but it's a hard battle.
The sun is shining here too and it's just as well. For once my wife got out of bed before me but then proceeded to whack me with a shoe rack she was carrying through the bedroom, as I still lay in the bed, "Didn't see you" said she. I wonder where she thought I was, given that she had got up and left me in the bed. Next thing it's the stench of burning filling the apartment as her attempt to cook breakfast was turning to a heap of ash. As I said, it's just as well it's sunny as all the windows are now open while I attempt to air the place. It's sunny, but it's also freezing! Oh well, I suppose it's just another 'normal' day.
At least I can sign on and have a rant!

 

[maryjoan]

Where has my motivation gone? What an apt question - I used to spend hours learning and translating Greek songs, even putting some of my translations onto an on-line site and I haven't done that for about 2 years as all my reading, when I have time to read, is now about dementia. When I finish all the daily chores of life and looking after my wife I just want to flake out rather than clear the dust from my textbooks! I try to stop my wife's dementia taking me too, but it's a hard battle.
The sun is shining here too and it's just as well. For once my wife got out of bed before me but then proceeded to whack me with a shoe rack she was carrying through the bedroom, as I still lay in the bed, "Didn't see you" said she. I wonder where she thought I was, given that she had got up and left me in the bed. Next thing it's the stench of burning filling the apartment as her attempt to cook breakfast was turning to a heap of ash. As I said, it's just as well it's sunny as all the windows are now open while I attempt to air the place. It's sunny, but it's also freezing! Oh well, I suppose it's just another 'normal' day.
At least I can sign on and have a rant!

Another normal day in the land of 'make believe' that is the land where we pretend we are coping well, but really we are screaming 'Let me out of here.'

 

[karaokePete]

Another normal day in the land of 'make believe' that is the land where we pretend we are coping well, but really we are screaming 'Let me out of here.'

 

[shewhodares]

I have looked for it everywhere - even under the table where we think his memory is, or could it be at the hospital where he left his colon??

I used to be so motivated, but now I have to make myself do things - I have two half finished books I have been writing, somewhere on this computer. I have work that keeps laughing at me, again, on this computer. I have grass that keeps growing, outside, and a lawnmower somewhere in the garage. I have....... well, you get the picture.

I think my brain is just overwhelmed by the dross that goes with caring.

But every day, I moan and groan on here, and try to do a bit more than I did yesterday.

It is a 'recovery' from the shock, I think. I am not a psychologist - but even I can recognise, that to go from what we were to what we are, in the course of just a few short weeks, is just overwhelming.

That, combined with the fact that we are now just edging into our second year of this situation, family have stopped reacting, and asking how things are, they make duty visits and then go away. The situation has become accepted by them.

Does that happen to you, out there, reading this? Have people accepted your situation on a superficial level, and seemingly ceased to bother whether you are screaming out for company, practical help, companionship, anything? I am just curious, because I find humankind to be a very curious creature.

Motivation? Oh, I have found some of it now, I shall have breakfast, make OH his breakfast ( in bed on Sat and Sun for him) and then, if a marriage certificate comes in the post today - which it should - tidy up the loose ends of someone else's family history, and immerse myself in that - there we go, I have talked myself into some motivation.

Have a Happy Saturday, everyone,

Hi MaryJoan, Think my MOJO got lost in the post!
Glad to hear that yours finally turned up.
I love this site already, I am not alone, and neither are you, must remember that everyday.
At least I CAN remember and that,s another reason to be cheerful

 

[imsoblue]

It's 85 degrees F where I live. But going to see The Leisure Seeker, a movie about a man with dementia this afternoon where it will probably be 50 degrees F. They really keep those places cold!
Loved your post @maryjoan I seem to have gotten kicked into some action since the big blow out meeting (see thread @imsoblue) Unfortunately, instead of being nice afterwards I'm more mad. I'm hurt. The man was divorcing me!!!! His daughter and brother were helping. Yet the result would be a care home for him! So, I fought to keep him. But now I'm in the mode, it's on my terms. Dare I say TP has helped???? First I choose to read The Leisure Seeker to deter me away from The 36 Hour Day (how to care for dementia patient). Then the neighborhood started a Book Club and lo and behold the book I needed to read was already read by my friends on TP. That meeting gave me a night out for a few hours. And I met new friends. I never needed new friends and had sort of neglected old friends because OH was my best friend and we did so much together. Now, things are different. Today I'm leaving him for the movies with an old friend. Have never, ever done that. But I'm taking a few hours away now when I can. I have no guilt because he's not nice to me. He will never be nice to me in this current stage. So I'm avoiding being around him and trying to enjoy myself. Thanks to you all for the strength!

 

[Rolypoly]

Another normal day in the land of 'make believe' that is the land where we pretend we are coping well, but really we are screaming 'Let me out of here.'

Oh so true!

 

[Mudgee Joy]

I know I’m way late but just finished the leisure seeker last night - sad but happy ending - I am a bit shocked by it -the inevitability if it all. MJ x

 

[kindred]

Back to motivation for a sec. I am going to start a UNIVERSITY FOR CARERS (By which I mean us). Watch this space. Please.

 

[imsoblue]

Back to motivation for a sec. I am going to start a UNIVERSITY FOR CARERS (By which I mean us). Watch this space. Please.

I probably couldn't graduate. Too many failures. Seriously, looking forward to trying to learn how to do this successfully!

 

[kindred]

I probably couldn't graduate. Too many failures. Seriously, looking forward to trying to learn how to do this successfully!

Seriously, I am completely serious. I live in Bristol and many years ago, a brilliant retired teacher set up a University of Withywood (Withywood being a very deprived area) in his own home. Think out of the box. My aim would be to encourage interested folk on here to put their minds away from dementia for a little while - ten minutes a day would do - and then report what they had found out about the subject that interests them.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

I would love to sign up !!
My thoughts on vascular dementia

There is an event (UTI , stroke, heart attach) brain deprived of oxygen -short term memory wiped out or there in bits , medium term deteriorated. Long term ok.
This person effectively with amnesia then relearning to live but with severely damaged brain - and slow to absorb anything new . Slow thinking , slow moving, 2 +2 might make 3 or 5 .. can’t jump to a new subject as brain very slow- still on earlier subject , perspective gone , self examination gone , .... slow slow recovery till another event . (UTI , mini strike etc) . But not quite making it back to us , because some of the grey stuff has gone forever !
Mud J

 

[kindred]

I would love to sign up !!
My thoughts on vascular dementia

There is an event (UTI , stroke, heart attach) brain deprived of oxygen -short term memory wiped out or there in bits , medium term deteriorated. Long term ok.
This person effectively with amnesia then relearning to live but with severely damaged brain - and slow to absorb anything new . Slow thinking , slow moving, 2 +2 might make 3 or 5 .. can’t jump to a new subject as brain very slow- still on earlier subject , perspective gone , self examination gone , .... slow slow recovery till another event . (UTI , mini strike etc) . But not quite making it back to us , because some of the grey stuff has gone forever !
Mud J

That is so interesting! Thank you. OK, signed up. Now, what would you like to study/research for a little while and tell us about it?

 

[tiggertastic]

I have looked for it everywhere - even under the table where we think his memory is, or could it be at the hospital where he left his colon??

I used to be so motivated, but now I have to make myself do things - I have two half finished books I have been writing, somewhere on this computer. I have work that keeps laughing at me, again, on this computer. I have grass that keeps growing, outside, and a lawnmower somewhere in the garage. I have....... well, you get the picture.

I think my brain is just overwhelmed by the dross that goes with caring.

But every day, I moan and groan on here, and try to do a bit more than I did yesterday.

It is a 'recovery' from the shock, I think. I am not a psychologist - but even I can recognise, that to go from what we were to what we are, in the course of just a few short weeks, is just overwhelming.

That, combined with the fact that we are now just edging into our second year of this situation, family have stopped reacting, and asking how things are, they make duty visits and then go away. The situation has become accepted by them.

Does that happen to you, out there, reading this? Have people accepted your situation on a superficial level, and seemingly ceased to bother whether you are screaming out for company, practical help, companionship, anything? I am just curious, because I find humankind to be a very curious creature.

Motivation? Oh, I have found some of it now, I shall have breakfast, make OH his breakfast ( in bed on Sat and Sun for him) and then, if a marriage certificate comes in the post today - which it should - tidy up the loose ends of someone else's family history, and immerse myself in that - there we go, I have talked myself into some motivation.

Have a Happy Saturday, everyone,

hey you know what cut yourself some slack stuff will get done eventually and if it doesn't not a problem what i do when i have spare time and i use this term loosely is my favourite thing something purely selfish it makes me realise that life is still out there and i can enjoy it even in small quantities so hun get to it whenever you can sending you a cheesy grin and a pass to do whatever takes your fancy xx

 

[john1939]

That is so interesting! Thank you. OK, signed up. Now, what would you like to study/research for a little while and tell us about it?

Hello, Never mind the studying, lets have a freshman's ball! I'm sure all know what that is, when the new students go mad, drink to excess and then spend 3 days getting over their hangovers.