Hello all and season’s greetings to you and your families
I am new to the forum, it's great to find somewhere to talk to others, I've read through many of the other threads and whilst some comments make me laugh because of the similarities, others fill me with fear for the future.
My Dad is a reasonably fit 75 and was finally diagnosed about 6 months ago with suspected AD, although as many of you may have experienced, his previously mild symptoms had been noticeable for several years, he'd actually been calling me by my brothers name for so long that I'd given up on correcting him lol.
Sometime around May last year he experienced an 'event' whilst in the garden with my Mum, Mum thought - and so did we - that he'd had a minor stroke as there was a severe and instant change in his state of mental awareness, motor skills and so on, even his face looked different because the muscles seemed to have relaxed. We were really concerned about his condition and somewhat surprised when the GP said he didn't think it was a stroke but AD, over the next few weeks many of the symptoms associated with his 'event' went away, in fact he returned physically to his previous levels of activity - apart from the more frequent and prolonged naps, a general disinterest in what was going on around him, forgetting to shave (they will be married 50 yrs in Sept and Mum has never known him not to shave EVER), of even more concern was that his general cognitive function and short term memory were showing accelerated signs of loss. His short term memory was and is dreadful, he went for lunch at my Aunts for the day last May - this is a rare and unusual event which normally would have stood out like a sore thumb in his mind as he likes her very much - but the next day, and to this day - Dad had no recollection of it whatsoever. They came to stay with me for a weekend and Dad thought it was a B&B and asked whom to pay when it was time to go home, I could tell you about hundreds of daft, out of character and often quite funny things he's done over the last few months but I'm sure you have already got the idea!
I still wonder even now if he did have some kind of mini stroke in the Garden that day which might have sped the AD up a bit?
Anyway Dad's seen the specialist a couple of times and had various tests, scans etc and the diagnosis was confirmed in the autumn as probable AD.
I'd like to ask you for some advice, my Parents live a long way from me, in fact they live a long way from all of our Family and as a result - aside from regular weekend visits from my Brother, Sister and myself, my Mum is on her own with Dad.
My Mum is very protective of Dad, she's a bit 'old school' and likes to keep problems in the Family so as far as I am aware she hasn't really sought any help or advise about AD. She hasn't told him he has AD as she doesn't want to upset or worry him, in fact whilst she seems to be very realistic about the future in some ways, in others I feel she is making her own life difficult by pretending to him that there's nothing wrong, she doesn't seem to be able or want to confront things and whilst I totally understand this, I believe there is a time when things have to change. The final straw for me is that she has declined the specialists offer to try drug therapy, the story she gave me was that the specialist didn't think that they would do much good and the side affects could be nasty for little gain etc, although there may be some logic in her thinking, THE TRUTH is that she doesn't want Dad to have to take a pill every day and keep asking her what it's for? She doesn't want to confront the issue and tell him he has AD.
I know this all sounds crazy but we're having to try to help Mum - long distance - and as she is the one dealing with things day to day it's hard to sweep in on a weekend and start stirring things up. In truth we try to use the weekends these days not so much to see Dad - unless he's having a good day - but to see Mum and give her some real conversation.
Have any of you experienced similar situations and if so how did you deal with it? Also when you told the sufferer they had AD, how did they react? I love my parents very much and worry constantly about them, I can see that as time goes by my Mum will be the one who suffers most and I would just like to try and help her get through.
I have many more questions about when/if and what sort of help to call for, whats available to them, how should we plan for future care, if he has to go into care at some point what kind of financial impact is that going to have and how should that issue be broached? Mum is 70, she's not superhuman and is starting to get a little frail so these are some of things we are starting to think about now even though we pray they may not be necessary for some time.
Many thanks & have a happy new year.
Chris
I am new to the forum, it's great to find somewhere to talk to others, I've read through many of the other threads and whilst some comments make me laugh because of the similarities, others fill me with fear for the future.
My Dad is a reasonably fit 75 and was finally diagnosed about 6 months ago with suspected AD, although as many of you may have experienced, his previously mild symptoms had been noticeable for several years, he'd actually been calling me by my brothers name for so long that I'd given up on correcting him lol.
Sometime around May last year he experienced an 'event' whilst in the garden with my Mum, Mum thought - and so did we - that he'd had a minor stroke as there was a severe and instant change in his state of mental awareness, motor skills and so on, even his face looked different because the muscles seemed to have relaxed. We were really concerned about his condition and somewhat surprised when the GP said he didn't think it was a stroke but AD, over the next few weeks many of the symptoms associated with his 'event' went away, in fact he returned physically to his previous levels of activity - apart from the more frequent and prolonged naps, a general disinterest in what was going on around him, forgetting to shave (they will be married 50 yrs in Sept and Mum has never known him not to shave EVER), of even more concern was that his general cognitive function and short term memory were showing accelerated signs of loss. His short term memory was and is dreadful, he went for lunch at my Aunts for the day last May - this is a rare and unusual event which normally would have stood out like a sore thumb in his mind as he likes her very much - but the next day, and to this day - Dad had no recollection of it whatsoever. They came to stay with me for a weekend and Dad thought it was a B&B and asked whom to pay when it was time to go home, I could tell you about hundreds of daft, out of character and often quite funny things he's done over the last few months but I'm sure you have already got the idea!
I still wonder even now if he did have some kind of mini stroke in the Garden that day which might have sped the AD up a bit?
Anyway Dad's seen the specialist a couple of times and had various tests, scans etc and the diagnosis was confirmed in the autumn as probable AD.
I'd like to ask you for some advice, my Parents live a long way from me, in fact they live a long way from all of our Family and as a result - aside from regular weekend visits from my Brother, Sister and myself, my Mum is on her own with Dad.
My Mum is very protective of Dad, she's a bit 'old school' and likes to keep problems in the Family so as far as I am aware she hasn't really sought any help or advise about AD. She hasn't told him he has AD as she doesn't want to upset or worry him, in fact whilst she seems to be very realistic about the future in some ways, in others I feel she is making her own life difficult by pretending to him that there's nothing wrong, she doesn't seem to be able or want to confront things and whilst I totally understand this, I believe there is a time when things have to change. The final straw for me is that she has declined the specialists offer to try drug therapy, the story she gave me was that the specialist didn't think that they would do much good and the side affects could be nasty for little gain etc, although there may be some logic in her thinking, THE TRUTH is that she doesn't want Dad to have to take a pill every day and keep asking her what it's for? She doesn't want to confront the issue and tell him he has AD.
I know this all sounds crazy but we're having to try to help Mum - long distance - and as she is the one dealing with things day to day it's hard to sweep in on a weekend and start stirring things up. In truth we try to use the weekends these days not so much to see Dad - unless he's having a good day - but to see Mum and give her some real conversation.
Have any of you experienced similar situations and if so how did you deal with it? Also when you told the sufferer they had AD, how did they react? I love my parents very much and worry constantly about them, I can see that as time goes by my Mum will be the one who suffers most and I would just like to try and help her get through.
I have many more questions about when/if and what sort of help to call for, whats available to them, how should we plan for future care, if he has to go into care at some point what kind of financial impact is that going to have and how should that issue be broached? Mum is 70, she's not superhuman and is starting to get a little frail so these are some of things we are starting to think about now even though we pray they may not be necessary for some time.
Many thanks & have a happy new year.
Chris