When you overdo everything else

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
It is typical of myself to overdo things, usually with great enthusiasm. So is it possible for me to overdo grieving in a similar way?
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,500
Dundee
Grieving is so different for everyone. I know it’s a cliche but I have found grieving a real roller coaster. I have spells when everything is ‘ok’ and times when I’m hit by a wave of grief. I just go with the flow as it were. No rights or wrongs.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,671
England
For me I’m sure there will always be bad moments, bad days and it’s over three and a half years since I lost my husband. Just a memory can put me down but as I’ll never be able to stop these moments I’ll accept and sit them out, a bad day today does not mean it will be a bad day tomorrow.

Most days are good days, ones to be enjoyed and hopefully make new memories. I had a long and good marriage, there is a price to pay for that.

So it really is a time when we do need to go with the flow,
 

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,254
East Midlands
How we grieve is a different experience for each individual. I know from previous generations, grief was very real. Wearing black for at least 6 mths after the death, not going to anything that was joyous for the same period of time, even longer but I guess that may not apply to some people now.
I wear a lot of black anyway! Personally I don’t feel like I have grieved enough for my mum SS life has been a proper whirlwind of events ever since her death & still is.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,500
Dundee
Most days are good days, ones to be enjoyed and hopefully make new memories. I had a long and good marriage, there is a price to pay for that.
I do like that thought @jaymor. It resonates with me.
 

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
Grieving is so different for everyone. I know it’s a cliche but I have found grieving a real roller coaster. I have spells when everything is ‘ok’ and times when I’m hit by a wave of grief. I just go with the flow as it were. No rights or wrongs.
Hi Izzy. I know what you mean about being different =. I have a foot in each camp on that one I must admit. Thank you for describing it as a rollercoaster. That fits my feeling and yes I have discovered only recently that it is best to go with the flow. Thank you.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,500
Dundee
Hi Izzy. I know what you mean about being different =. I have a foot in each camp on that one I must admit. Thank you for describing it as a rollercoaster. That fits my feeling and yes I have discovered only recently that it is best to go with the flow. Thank you.
Just remember to keep posting here - I have always found the forum massive support and I'm sure you will too.
 

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
For me I’m sure there will always be bad moments, bad days and it’s over three and a half years since I lost my husband. Just a memory can put me down but as I’ll never be able to stop these moments I’ll accept and sit them out, a bad day today does not mean it will be a bad day tomorrow.

Most days are good days, ones to be enjoyed and hopefully, make new memories. I had a long and good marriage, there is a price to pay for that.

So it really is a time when we do need to go with the flow,
Hi Jaymor. I lost my mum about that time, just over three and a half years ago and like your memory can affect me deeply. But not every time. I sit in her lounge, at her kitchen table work in her garden still. I even have my desk where her bed used to be and that all seems fine to me.
Her felt mouse character that used to sit guard in her Kitchen is now lying on her dresser masquerading as mouse hospital, waiting for me to apply a felt plaster and glue to his worn patch. Afterwards, he'll stay where he is for safety. Shopping for felt and talking about this is fine. But I will once again mount the rollercoaster this evening when I relax and think back. Thank you so much for sharing that.
 

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
How we grieve is a different experience for each individual. I know from previous generations, grief was very real. Wearing black for at least 6 mths after the death, not going to anything that was joyous for the same period of time, even longer but I guess that may not apply to some people now.
I wear a lot of black anyway! Personally I don’t feel like I have grieved enough for my mum SS life has been a proper whirlwind of events ever since her death & still is.
A proper whirlwind sound so appropriate. I don't think I'll ever know if I have of not grieved enough. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
607
High Peak
Mum died last week and I find myself grieving more than I expected. On Friday I went in Tesco and they had a big display of Cadbury's giant buttons on offer, right inside the door. I used to buy lots of them when they were on offer and took mum a bag every week.
I just stared at the display then had to leave the store. Sometimes it's the little things...
 

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
Just remember to keep posting here - I have always found the forum massive support and I'm sure you will too.
I will do Izzy and bless you. After more than 3 years, I don't think I'm going anywhere soon!
 

Greyone

Registered User
Sep 11, 2013
391
UK
Mum died last week and I find myself grieving more than I expected. On Friday I went in Tesco and they had a big display of Cadbury's giant buttons on offer, right inside the door. I used to buy lots of them when they were on offer and took mum a bag every week.
I just stared at the display then had to leave the store. Sometimes it's the little things...
I had no warning of what to expect when my mum died but after 3 years I am hoping for things to ease a bit. It is the comfort I miss so much and cannot replace. Thx.