When will I remember that I can't discuss with my OH what we are doing now and what we are going to do tomorrow or in a few days! He just gets so confused he ends up shouting and snarling at me in the street or in a shop and reduces me to tears.
I am in the same position. I still struggle to keep as much of my OH 'as was' instead of accepting her as a PWD in what seems to be my misguided attempt to help her. Instead I seem to cause grief to both of us as she can no longer grasp the things she used to do so well.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that I'm failing to let go. In my case it's so difficult because my wife is just 64 and its so difficult & sad to see a relatively young person change so much.
Jean I dont discuss anything at all with my husband anymore. This is all the more shocking as we were always the couple who talked about everything as you probably were too. I confine my comments to instructions or questions about what he wants. Not even much of the latter as he cant make up his mind about things.
It is sad, boring, depressing, soul destroying but that's how it is with dementia and acceptance just might lead to a new way of living you can cope with.
I listen to a lot of radio and read a lot. I need lots of stuff inside my head to make up for the lack of stimulating conversation. Stay strong.
Jean I dont discuss anything at all with my husband anymore. This is all the more shocking as we were always the couple who talked about everything as you probably were too. I confine my comments to instructions or questions about what he wants. Not even much of the latter as he cant make up his mind about things.
It is sad, boring, depressing, soul destroying but that's how it is with dementia and acceptance just might lead to a new way of living you can cope with.
I listen to a lot of radio and read a lot. I need lots of stuff inside my head to make up for the lack of stimulating conversation. Stay strong.
I am crying. Why. Because i have been through what you all are going through. My husband is now in a nursing home. He no longer knows who I am. I tell him my name but he does not react. He talks in words that I cannot understand. I try to clean his teeth. I feed him. The carers look after his personal needs and try to keep him calm and happy. It is a sad and long journey. and it is not the way we planned.So I feel for you all. This awful illness strips us of everything we ever knew about our loved one. Please take some comfort of knowing everything you have done and are doing is to help them.My heart is sad. love to you all.xxxx
I am in the same position. I still struggle to keep as much of my OH 'as was' instead of accepting her as a PWD in what seems to be my misguided attempt to help her. Instead I seem to cause grief to both of us as she can no longer grasp the things she used to do so well.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that I'm failing to let go. In my case it's so difficult because my wife is just 64 and its so difficult & sad to see a relatively young person change so much.
With you on this Pete. My OH was diagnosed very early because he was exposed being a very high level executive. He is only now 64 and we are already 15 years into this process. I do not have any long discussions with him anymore. I keep it in the moment. He has more to say when he is with friends, but really nothing to say to me. He talks with friends about the long ago past. Mostly, his life before me and our children. It is strange. It is a lonely life for us carers, but I try each day to make the best of it. Hope you will find some joy today
I am in the same position. I still struggle to keep as much of my OH 'as was' instead of accepting her as a PWD in what seems to be my misguided attempt to help her. Instead I seem to cause grief to both of us as she can no longer grasp the things she used to do so well.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that I'm failing to let go. In my case it's so difficult because my wife is just 64 and its so difficult & sad to see a relatively young person change so much.
This is all so sad...I am in the same position too. I stupidly told my OH that his daughter is coming so I can take some time out. He is looking forward to seeing her, but he has changed into a great big bundle of anxiety and hasn't been able to think about anything else for days. Next time, I won't tell him so soon. And yes, we used to talk about everything too. Sometimes now, he knows something is worrying me, or has upset me..and he is upset because I don't talk about it. But I know that if I do...it will just make everything worse, because I will have his worry to cope with too. And because I still get my 'old' husband occasionally, I fight against the dementia and try to get him to see that something he has said is illogical, or repetition. Yes...I know. It doesn't work. And it's cruel. And then I feel guilty. And lonely. Hey ho. The joy of being a carer.