I dreamt of Mum last night, the Mum I had before dementia, I wanted to stay asleep with Mum, but I woke up and realized Mum's not here anymore, so the nightmare begins and my loss feels deep. Although I have shed tears, my tears won't bring her back and I miss her terribily.
When the waking up is the nightmare
- Thread starter DianeB
- Start date
Thank you Sylvia, I had dreams about my brother and they crushed me too. I try and think well I had some special time in my dream, but like I say its the waking up that is the problem. I know I can't be on my own when it comes to dreams though.
Thank you (((hugs))) My waking hours seem ok as I try to keep myself busy. I can now listen to the radio which I couldn't before as any sad music had me in tears, sometimes it still does but I feel more in control when awake. Like my friend said today though when you are asleep your barriers are down and the control is not there. I know I need to cry as they are healing but it the empty loss feeling once you open your eyes and you realise you were in a dream.
Hi Dianne
I still think it does not get any better,it becomes different
Two years in July,I still dream about Peg and wake up to find that that is all they were,dreams
You are coping fine,you will find it will become different,give it time.
Thinking of you
Norman
I still think it does not get any better,it becomes different
Two years in July,I still dream about Peg and wake up to find that that is all they were,dreams
You are coping fine,you will find it will become different,give it time.
Thinking of you
Norman
Dear Diane,
Since Peter passed I have been having terrible dreams. Waking up a feeling completely exhausted and really down.
I know it is early days and I knew that at the time of diagnoises, I lost Peter then. It is the waking up and "I will go to the N.H. to-day" then remembering I cannot just go and see him anymore.
I knew that at the time of death and the grieving would be hard but it is so much harder to cope.
My Uncle said it is like seeing a new door in front of me and I have to walk towards that door. When I meditate, yes I can see the open door and the passage way leading up to it but I am not ready yet to take the first step.
Love from
Christine
Since Peter passed I have been having terrible dreams. Waking up a feeling completely exhausted and really down.
I know it is early days and I knew that at the time of diagnoises, I lost Peter then. It is the waking up and "I will go to the N.H. to-day" then remembering I cannot just go and see him anymore.
I knew that at the time of death and the grieving would be hard but it is so much harder to cope.
My Uncle said it is like seeing a new door in front of me and I have to walk towards that door. When I meditate, yes I can see the open door and the passage way leading up to it but I am not ready yet to take the first step.
Love from
Christine
May all your dreams be happy ones filled with happy memories,sorry you feel so bad when you wake up, best wishes, Norrms xx
Hello Diane
Another (((HUG)))
It must be like experiencing the loss over and over again. Your friend is right about the defences being lower but it is good that you are able to pick yourself up and deal with the waking hours. If the dreams stopped do you think you would miss those moments with mum?
Another (((HUG)))
Helen you are so right, and maybe thinking about them probably I would miss them, I just wish when I wake up I had a smile instead. I know it's early days yet and hopefully in time it will get better.
Diane, it will get better -- but it will take time.
Are you doing too much during the day? And losing so much weight, too? Don't forget that you have been through a traumatic time, and yu need time to recover. Perhaps you have thrown yourself into things too quickly, and it's only at night that your mind can relive the experience.
I think your friend is wise. Try to relax some control during the day, allow yourself to think quietly about your mum. If you keep her in your subconscious mind, you'll have disturbed nights.
You don't have to be tough, Diane, yu are allowed to grieve, in fact it's essential for your own health.
I hope I haven't said anything to upset you, I know it's a sensitive subject, and you need to do what feels right for you.
Love and hugs,
Are you doing too much during the day? And losing so much weight, too? Don't forget that you have been through a traumatic time, and yu need time to recover. Perhaps you have thrown yourself into things too quickly, and it's only at night that your mind can relive the experience.
I think your friend is wise. Try to relax some control during the day, allow yourself to think quietly about your mum. If you keep her in your subconscious mind, you'll have disturbed nights.
You don't have to be tough, Diane, yu are allowed to grieve, in fact it's essential for your own health.
I hope I haven't said anything to upset you, I know it's a sensitive subject, and you need to do what feels right for you.
Love and hugs,
Hazel of course you havn't upset me, your right I know you are, but I'm scared of fully letting go because of how poorly I was when David died, I felt like I stopped living to be honest and I can't put myself or my family through that again, Mum wouldn't want me to, life goes on was her words when she saw how much I struggled with my grief with David, and although it's true, it's finding that balance that I can't seem to find.
Hi Diane
There's another way of seeing these dreams Diane now that you've said the above
Maybe it is a way of letting you know that if you let go a little now, mum is there is your dreams so that you don't feel that total abandonment like you must have felt when David died It is different now because mum is in your dreams.
Love x
There's another way of seeing these dreams Diane now that you've said the above
Maybe it is a way of letting you know that if you let go a little now, mum is there is your dreams so that you don't feel that total abandonment like you must have felt when David died It is different now because mum is in your dreams.Love x
I was told by a grief Counselor that the dreams was a way for me to processing what my waking conscious mind could not process during the day .
I was to scared to think of my father while I was awake as I was to scread to cry in frount of anyone in case I broke down, to scared to cry alone . so I keep busy, keep having disturbed dream at night time of my father .
Only now in the last 2 or 3 year out of 7 years my father pass away, my tears flow more easy, and I don't worry about it , if I dream sometimes of my father the dreams give me comfort.
Time Just gave me time, to learn to live with the " Missing " letting go of the tears without being scared of them . I still Miss him.
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Dear Diane ..... if it just helps to share - I can honestly say in all my life I have never had the nightmares, disturbed sleep, irregular sleep patterns than I have had since I lost mum - gosh, nearly eight months ago now. Sat here now - because I am almost too afraid to go to bed .....and see what unfolds in my subconscious this night ...
The nightmares which began originally were about reliving mum's last few weeks and days ... they have now shifted - less nightmarish - but often surreal ..... sometimes comforting, often strange ..... and like yours - often pre-dementia ...... they regularly include my dad, other family I have lost, even family pets, childhood friends .....
I am trying to rationalise it as all part of the grief process .... but waking up bewildered, if not completely shaken, is not the best start to the day, I know.
Much love, Karen, x
The nightmares which began originally were about reliving mum's last few weeks and days ... they have now shifted - less nightmarish - but often surreal ..... sometimes comforting, often strange ..... and like yours - often pre-dementia ...... they regularly include my dad, other family I have lost, even family pets, childhood friends .....
I am trying to rationalise it as all part of the grief process .... but waking up bewildered, if not completely shaken, is not the best start to the day, I know.
Much love, Karen, x
Grief is such a sharp knife and the cuts it makes take a long,long time to heal. I'm still grieving for my daughter in law. It was two years last month when she died. Then I think about dad, who died ten years ago and I know that the wounds do heal over time, because I now remember the good times with him and not the bad time of his death.
xxTinaT
xxTinaT
Thank you all for your kind messages, they do help xxx
Last night I managed a pretty good sleep although not many hours of it. I have always had a pretty vivid imagination and been able to recall most dreams. I wouldn't call the dream a nightmare as they arn't they are lovely, like I say waking up's the nightmare. I did dream of David when he died but they were nightmares, I kept picturing him on the edge of a bridge and not being able to save him (that is how he died but under what circumstances we will never know) , I would wake up in hot sweats screaming, my hubby would take ages to help try and calm me down. That is the difference with Mum I wouldn't try and stop her from dying, in the end I was praying for it, so she could at last get peace and no more suffering. It is nice to see Mum without AZ though and maybe those are the memories she is trying to help me keep.
Last night I managed a pretty good sleep although not many hours of it. I have always had a pretty vivid imagination and been able to recall most dreams. I wouldn't call the dream a nightmare as they arn't they are lovely, like I say waking up's the nightmare. I did dream of David when he died but they were nightmares, I kept picturing him on the edge of a bridge and not being able to save him (that is how he died but under what circumstances we will never know) , I would wake up in hot sweats screaming, my hubby would take ages to help try and calm me down. That is the difference with Mum I wouldn't try and stop her from dying, in the end I was praying for it, so she could at last get peace and no more suffering. It is nice to see Mum without AZ though and maybe those are the memories she is trying to help me keep.
I think it`s lovely Diane, to be able to see your mother without AD after such a short time.
