Feeling desperate .My mother has vascular dementia and has been in a nursing home for over a year and a half. She has been immobile since last year and then 3 months ago she had a stroke and she has been bed bound since with little or no response or communication. She has been declining so slowly. We thought we had lost her in June after the stroke but she gained consciousness again . She was 96 last week but was unaware of my brother and myself . She has hardly been eating over the summer and extremely skeletal now . She hasnt been eating anything last week or so and is sleeping all the time and any pressure pains etc are well managed. They are just keeping her comfortable . She doesnt know us and has to be wakened to be given a drink. Our mum has already drifted away from us and we are ready for her to be released. She has a strong heart but how long can she go like this?. Even the nursing staff are astonished that she is still alive but it is so so painful to watch her barely exist.
When is the end?
- Thread starter Cata
- Start date
Hi Cata, you are having a terrible time and my heart goes out to you. From experience all I can say is "nobody knows". This is such a cruel disease and seems to destroy everything bit by bit but not the functions that are necessary for staying alive. I've been at the "this is it" stage with my mum who is almost 93, blind and has lived in care for over 18 months after I could no longer cope. A few months ago I went on a short holiday (the first in over 4 years) and took a call from mum's GP who was concerned regards mum and was going to administer end of life medication.and expected further deterioration quickly. I raced to the airport and managed to fly from Spain to the UK and get to mum. I felt relieved that this situation would soon be over. Within 24 hours we were back to the state she was in before the trauma.and six months on I'm still with her every afternoon sometimes conscious but more often not. There are others in the home that have been bed bound for 12 months and over. Sadly our pets receive a better end of life I'm afraid. Keep strong we are all on this journey with you and understand. xxxxx
Hello @Cata and firstly, I feel so deeply for what you are going through. My mum has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and was admitted into a nursing home in April 2016. It has been a slow decline with dips and periods of stability. 2 weeks ago we has a call to say she had taken a turn for the worse and we did not think she would survive the night but she is still with us. Like your own dear mum she has to be woken for a drink. She does, amazingly, still know us. She has end of life medication at the ready as and if required. The pain of watching our mums like this is dreadful isn't it? It feels like a slow torture and oh so very cruel. All I can say is we sit with her, hold her hand and hope that release will come and her suffering end. I wish I could offer more but I am certain, despite everything, she will know you are there and how much you love her. How our mums go on like this is utterly beyond me. I just wanted you to know I care and hope, like me, you find TP brings some comfort at this difficult and painful time. With Love and Understanding. Jan x
I am in a similar position.when will we be allowed to ask that our loved one is allowed to die ?
You have all my sympathy. It's astonishing how long people can hang on sometimes, and because their quality of life is so poor or non existent, let alone the complete loss of any sort of dignity, you can't help wishing Nature would just let them go.
My mother's heart and physical health were always pretty robust, even when she was in late stage. But her quality of life was non existent - she was in a most pitiful state for her last years. In the end she suddenly went downhill quite quickly. However she'd been in her care home from the age of 89 to 97 - during that time I'd seen so many other residents arrive, decline, and quietly disappear. I'm sure even the CH staff had begun to think she'd go on for ever - I certainly had.
I do hope your wait for your poor mother's release will not be too long.
