When is it time to consider further care..

[clio_7]

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Well tonight has been fun. My father 81, suffers from vasdem. Lives in SH. Has a door alarm etc fitted for when he decided to wander. I don't live close by.. 20 odd mins away. Community alarms called me at 11.07pm tonite to say dad had opened his door, wasn't answering them speaking over the intercom and was off... I drove over panicking at stupid speed with visions of him getting hit by a car.. all the scenario s that go through your head. There are no wardens on at night in the sheltered housing complex, but they located a support worker 17 mins away. . I was ill. . He always responded to the intercom if he set off the alarm but now he seems oblivious. He said he hates his life. . And doesn't want to go to a "funny farm" as he calls it.. hes lives on his own.. I have no other family to help in this instance, I wouldn't ask them to drive round at night looking for him.. as I drove over tonight worrying I thought I can't keep doing this.. I promised him I wouldn't go down CH route but I cant keep worrying .. I have a six yr old and a 40+hr job . I do all housework, finance shopping etc n feel burnt out. Don't gave a social worker but have key worker at memory clinic. I usually cope but feel tired just now.. he does all his own personal care etc has brought me up since my mum died when I was 11 and I feel so guilty I felt I wanted to give up...


Help

 

[jenniferpa]

Clio - deep breath.

I assume you found him? That he hadn't wandered but wasn't responding to the intercom

Look you may have promised "no care home" but a lot of us do this not realising exactly what we are letting ourselves in for down the road. My own mother wasn't a wanderer does to her lack of mobility, but there did come a time when she was no longer able to live alone, even in extra sheltered housing, where there were people on duty 24/7.

This may not be the time, this might have simply been a blip (that he didn't respond to the intercom) but it might be helpful for you to understand that there may be a time when you don't have a choice: his care needs or his safety may require a more watchful environment. Just because you made a promise, when you didn't realise all the implications of that promise, doesn't mean you shouldn't revisit the issue at least in your own mind.

Your own family have their own needs and the truth is, we often give these sort of promises when we wouldn't if we had a crystal ball, and when the person asking for the promise would never had made this request if they really understood the implications. I'm sure your father wouldn't want you stretched as thin as this if he wasn't ill.

 

[clio_7]

Thanks for the reply. Sometimes we need to hear it how it is.. my dad was always one not to bother worrying his family etc. Now he just sits and shrugs his shoulders. Its so frustrating. . Im sure everyone knows this from their own experiences. . im still getting used to thid new "dip" in his faculties etc.

The keyworker is coming out today. I will tell her this. (Before I gave benefit of the doubt and watered it down) but I need to be straight with them now. I was looking into getting him a gps watch. I looked at some posts and people found them a short term help. Its like a moving target..

Sorry for the rant. And thanks again

Clio

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