Hello, my mother has fairly advanced dementia but lives on her own - she's been living alone since my parents got divorced 30 years ago. I live in another part of the country and only see her a few times a year. My brother lives nearer but has a busy job and travels a lot. She has a sister and a brother in the area who see her from time to time and a network of friends and neighbours who keep an eye on her. She gets help from carers to make sure she takes medication and my brother and recently arranged for someone to help her with cleaning and bathing.
Some of her friends and neighbours are concerned that she is "getting worse, and worse" and that we need to "put her into care of some kind".
My mum is fiercely independent and wants to stay in her home with her dog as long as possible. Her dementia mostly manifests itself as forgetting to turn up for appointments, confused memories and repeating herself. Sometimes she misplaces her purse and can be very anxious. This often results in repeated, distressed visits to neighbours, who then contact me or my brother.
We've had visits from the GP, and she's been referred to an integrated neighbourhood team, but their views are that mum is able to manage most things by herself, is not in any danger, so she should stay at home, with additional support, for as long as possible. My mum herself is determined not to move into care and is very insistent about that when visited by health professionals.
But my brother and I are getting increasing pressure from concerned friends and neighbours that we need to push the authorities to get her into care, because she can't manage by herself. They say they are the ones who see her day-in, day-out so see how bad she is. I've read a lot about other people living alone with dementia for as long as possible
I'm wondering if others on this forum have dealt with similar issues? I am worried about my mum, especially when she gets confused or anxious about losing money, but I also respect her wish to want to stay independent and her ever present anxiety that "everyone is ganging up on her" to put her in a home.
Do we try and push for something she doesn't want? Or should we just tell the neighbours not to worry and keep out of it?
Some of her friends and neighbours are concerned that she is "getting worse, and worse" and that we need to "put her into care of some kind".
My mum is fiercely independent and wants to stay in her home with her dog as long as possible. Her dementia mostly manifests itself as forgetting to turn up for appointments, confused memories and repeating herself. Sometimes she misplaces her purse and can be very anxious. This often results in repeated, distressed visits to neighbours, who then contact me or my brother.
We've had visits from the GP, and she's been referred to an integrated neighbourhood team, but their views are that mum is able to manage most things by herself, is not in any danger, so she should stay at home, with additional support, for as long as possible. My mum herself is determined not to move into care and is very insistent about that when visited by health professionals.
But my brother and I are getting increasing pressure from concerned friends and neighbours that we need to push the authorities to get her into care, because she can't manage by herself. They say they are the ones who see her day-in, day-out so see how bad she is. I've read a lot about other people living alone with dementia for as long as possible
I'm wondering if others on this forum have dealt with similar issues? I am worried about my mum, especially when she gets confused or anxious about losing money, but I also respect her wish to want to stay independent and her ever present anxiety that "everyone is ganging up on her" to put her in a home.
Do we try and push for something she doesn't want? Or should we just tell the neighbours not to worry and keep out of it?