What's the next step in care for my Mum ? Who can help me ?

[Chris59]

Hi,
I live in Spain and my Mum lives in Norfolk with my step dad. She's had Alzheimer's for about 4 years that we know of. My sister lives in the USA and we both visit my Mum at different times of the year. As times gone on we have introduced home help to assist with her personal care and help prepare meals. This care has been increased as the disease has progressed. My step dad is older than my Mum and apart from being very deaf, he struggles to deal with the challenges of living with / caring for someone with Dementia.
My Mum fell at home 2 days ago and is currently in hospital waiting for a hip replacement. This is her third fracture in 2 years, two of which have happened at home. We don't know much about the home falls because she was not with anyone each time they happened. She's not able to remember what happened in either of the incidents.
When she has had her hip replacement she will go back to living with my step dad at home. My sister and I both know that the care we have in place needs to be altered, we both want to be sure that my Mum is as safe and well looked after as possible, but we're not sure how best to proceed.
Is there any proffesional advice available to assess what's best for my Mum now? Is there someone in the NHS who can help? I don't know who to seek help from. We know things can't just go back to being how they were before this most recent fall. We don't want to make the wrong decisions by making changes to her care that are not in her best interest.
If anyone knows who I can talk to I would be extremely grateful.
Thankyou

 

[Amethyst59]

Hello, @Chris59, welcome to Talking Point. I haven’t had experience of having someone in hospital in this way, but I know a lot of our members have. I have heard them mention a ‘care package’ having to be in place before a hospital discharge, and that hospitals hate to have a ‘failed’ discharge where a patient has to be re admitted. At least the hospital stay gives some breathing space to get something sorted.
I would imagine that you will need to involve social services to do an assessment of needs, but I don’t know, so I won’t guess any more. Be patient, and I am sure that as soon as it gets a bit later in the day, someone who has experienced this will help.

 

[Chris59]

Hello, @Chris59, welcome to Talking Point. I haven’t had experience of having someone in hospital in this way, but I know a lot of our members have. I have heard them mention a ‘care package’ having to be in place before a hospital discharge, and that hospitals hate to have a ‘failed’ discharge where a patient has to be re admitted. At least the hospital stay gives some breathing space to get something sorted.
I would imagine that you will need to involve social services to do an assessment of needs, but I don’t know, so I won’t guess any more. Be patient, and I am sure that as soon as it gets a bit later in the day, someone who has experienced this will help.

Thankyou for your input, yes your right about having breathing space to get organised. I will wait and see if anyone has had similar experience, but thanks for your reply.

 

[Cazzita]

You are sure to get lots of advice from TP- it's fantastic. I am not at that stage with my mum yet so will be looking at the replies and making notes. Wishing you all the very best in your situation and hope you get through it and have some time out too xx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Chris59

There have been a few experiences of long distance caring here on Talking Point I understand how difficult and worrying it must be.

I can only suggest you contact your mothers GP and see if they will share any information with you. If not, at least you will be listened to.

The national Dementia helpline might also have something to offer in a way of getting some constructive advice. They should be open today so you have nothing to lose by trying.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline

0300 222 11 22. I'm sure you will know the dealing code from Spain.

Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[canary]

People who have been admitted into hospital are supposed to have assessments by the Occupational Therapist and a hospital SW to see whether a care package (ie proffessional carers during the day, or a short stay in a rehab department) is necessary, but recently I have heard of this not being done. The hospitals seem to be trying to cut corners in order to free up beds and are simply discharging people back home. Unfortunately, you often have a fight to get help. Is it possible for either you or your sister to be there after the op to make sure that your step-dad gets the help he needs?

 

[BLIP]

My mother in law was in hospital recently and was sent to a care home for respite without informing us, due to an ongoing feud with the SW . The hospitals here (west Mids) do tend to put a care package in place before discharge where vulnerable PWD are concerned. I personally wouldn't have involved S.S. if I had known how badly we would be treated by them. All that being said, M.I.L. is apparently safe and happy in the care home so that's the most important. I hope you're mother gets the care she needs for your peace of mind and your step dads health too. Take care it must be so difficult living so far away. Fingers crossed the S.S. In Norfolk are on the ball.

 

[DollyBird16]

Hi, Sorry to read about you Mums fall.
Whilst I’m no expert, my Mum has been in hospital with the same and left with a care package which the local authority provide for a fixed period of time and if required then extended, outsourcing to an agency. The hospital social worker arranged this.
I was there face to face to influence and provide information. That said we have many ways to communicate now so not necessary to physically be present.
It may be worth contacting the patient liaison (PALS)at the hospital to explain your concerns, for some reason I found once PALS have been engaged all parties seem to pay attention.
I’d expect PALS to put you in contact with the hospital social worker assigned to your Mum.
I learnt the hard way but now know I’d expect occupational therapy home visit , physio and home care to be covered.
Also worth contacting to see if Age Uk or Admiral nurse can support your step Dad in getting the best to cover all your Mum and step Dads needs.
Sadly I found its she / he who shouts loudest, letting them know i existed and that my Mum and Dad deserve the care.
Wishing your Mum well. X

 

[Chris59]

Hi, Sorry to read about you Mums fall.
Whilst I’m no expert, my Mum has been in hospital with the same and left with a care package which the local authority provide for a fixed period of time and if required then extended, outsourcing to an agency. The hospital social worker arranged this.
I was there face to face to influence and provide information. That said we have many ways to communicate now so not necessary to physically be present.
It may be worth contacting the patient liaison (PALS)at the hospital to explain your concerns, for some reason I found once PALS have been engaged all parties seem to pay attention.
I’d expect PALS to put you in contact with the hospital social worker assigned to your Mum.
I learnt the hard way but now know I’d expect occupational therapy home visit , physio and home care to be covered.
Also worth contacting to see if Age Uk or Admiral nurse can support your step Dad in getting the best to cover all your Mum and step Dads needs.
Sadly I found its she / he who shouts loudest, letting them know i existed and that my Mum and Dad deserve the care.
Wishing your Mum well. X

Thankyou for your advice, I have emailed PALS at the hospital and made them aware of my Mum's situation and requested assistance to ensure her home environment is safe as can be. I've also flagged up the need for home visits for physio and OT after she returns home. See what happens.
My sister is flying in from the states to be there when Mum comes out and I will be there in September. Hopefully that we can get everything in place before we leave.
Thanks again.

 

[Chris59]

My mother in law was in hospital recently and was sent to a care home for respite without informing us, due to an ongoing feud with the SW . The hospitals here (west Mids) do tend to put a care package in place before discharge where vulnerable PWD are concerned. I personally wouldn't have involved S.S. if I had known how badly we would be treated by them. All that being said, M.I.L. is apparently safe and happy in the care home so that's the most important. I hope you're mother gets the care she needs for your peace of mind and your step dads health too. Take care it must be so difficult living so far away. Fingers crossed the S.S. In Norfolk are on the ball.

Thanks for your reply I have made contact with PALS at the hospital so hopefully they can coordinate everything my Mum needs.

 

[Chris59]

People who have been admitted into hospital are supposed to have assessments by the Occupational Therapist and a hospital SW to see whether a care package (ie proffessional carers during the day, or a short stay in a rehab department) is necessary, but recently I have heard of this not being done. The hospitals seem to be trying to cut corners in order to free up beds and are simply discharging people back home. Unfortunately, you often have a fight to get help. Is it possible for either you or your sister to be there after the op to make sure that your step-dad gets the help he needs?

Thanks for your reply, yes my sister is arranging to be there when Mum comes out of hospital and I am there in September too. I've also made contact with PALS at the hospital so hopefully they will coordinate SW and OT for my Mum. Thanks again for replying.

 

[RallyAlly]

I've just seen your note.
I'm going to put the cat among the pidgeons & ask wether you've considered that this is an opportunity to try out a Care Home for your mothers recovery -'respite' with a view to actually making it permanent?
Your Dad, like may others, may be more more exhausted & 'not coping' than the family can see! You could ask Social services if a Carers Caseworker could see him to assess HIS present needs.
I have reluctantly got my husband into Care recently - theres always a false 'guilt' attached to it, but if your father collapsed your mother would probably have to go somewhere in haste, rather than somewhere you had chosen.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but do at least consider it.

 

[Chris59]

I've just seen your note.
I'm going to put the cat among the pidgeons & ask wether you've considered that this is an opportunity to try out a Care Home for your mothers recovery -'respite' with a view to actually making it permanent?
Your Dad, like may others, may be more more exhausted & 'not coping' than the family can see! You could ask Social services if a Carers Caseworker could see him to assess HIS present needs.
I have reluctantly got my husband into Care recently - theres always a false 'guilt' attached to it, but if your father collapsed your mother would probably have to go somewhere in haste, rather than somewhere you had chosen.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but do at least consider it.

Thank you and don't worry it's not a cat amongst the pigeons comment at all ! Me and my sister have talked about care homes but my step dad is against it. He wants to keep mum at home at all costs but we're worrying about her safety. I hadn't thought about respite as a half way house so thank you for mentioning it. I will be looking into this as an option.